do you know how i'm sure i love you?
because i chose you- every single day

even if i am not your choice, anymore

you were a candle;
i was a matchstick

from the start we knew
we're not fit for each other;
doomed to hurt one another

still, we tried to make it work,
despite all the consequences

what were we to do?
we loved one another

i burned myself to give you fire,
to ignite a spark in you;
giving you the blazing passion
to go after what you sought out to be

the scorching heat that burns me,
was nothing compared to the raging
bliss i felt by giving you warmth;
and seeing you light up brighter
more than what you thought you could

soon, the embers melted
every inch of your original self

yet it was fine,
you were a candle after all
a candle who can be molded back
in new ways, shape, and form

but i was only a matchstick
that burns out quick

still, it was fine
because i know for a fact,
if i could do it for eternity
i'd always set myself ablaze
if it means giving you
the light, the warmth, and the fire
to help you serve your purpose

and little did we know,
you helped me serve mine

because some people are like candles,
capable of setting things on fire;
incapable of starting one of their own,
they need something to light up the spark

then, the're some people who are match sticks,
who can start a fire on their own
and give that spark that candles need;
but burn themselves during the process

yet, isn't a matchstick made
to start a fire?

sadness lurks on me in the shadows just like how a predator stalks its prey
waiting for an opportune moment- a momentary lapse of judgement
or the moment ignorance gives bliss, that everything is- and will be alright
but everything is not alright
it never was, it never is, and following that same logic- maybe it never will

because the moment a predator decides to stalk its prey
is the very same moment a gruesome fate has been decided on behalf of the latter-
and just like a helpless little prey,
when the predator comes- all i can do is run

but for how much longer can i run, before the sadness consumes me?

through the numbing pain -
i still feel you, everyday

don't get me wrong,
i'm really happy that i get to talk to you.
but this sadness, is just so overwhelming;
i feel that just talking is barely enough
to ease the aches and pain of missing you

i want to see you

underneath the borrowed light of borrowed time
wide awake in a sleeping town
of what used to be a garden of words;

from the silence we made sentences
of the things we promised to never forget

outstretched in the horizon,
an empty sight,
an empty site,
an empty skeleton we once considered our home–

not the ones we grew up in,

but the one we grew up in

filled with all the half-hearted dreams
we screamed silently to the top of our lungs,
so as to not disturb the sleeping sun
so as to not be heard by the eavesdropping wind,

because somehow we always knew-
by the moment the sun wakes up to reclaim its lent light and time
by the moment the wind blows all the secrets it couldn't keep,
from what used to be vibrant yellow petals-
turned to seeds of white and gray,
our dandelion dreams shall be carried away

and so do our forgotten promises

~

maybe i was bound

          to break your heart

                  so i would know how it felt

                                     to have mine broken

                   because as it turns out

          breaking yours

broke mine too

~

i know every inch and detail of your body
i know every single piece that makes up your soul
i know every thing that makes your heart beat fast or slow
i know every thought that keeps you awake at night
i know every start and every end to any of your stories
i know every joy, sadness, and pain hiding behind your sight


and you just know my name

every time that i dream of you
inside, i never wanted to wake up
because it was always the only time
that i get to see, hold, and feel you

but still, i choose to do so
because i still have to face each morning
waiting and praying for the real you

i'm sorry if i always seem too eager to see you
or if i always seem too happy to be near you
or if i always present myself to do things for you

it's just that now that i am no longer what i used to be to you
i never want to waste what could be the last moment i'd share with you,
before i'd completely be just another person you once knew

but even before and after then,
i still want you to feel that i love you, and i'd still do anything for you-
because i do.

if you would ask me.
what is the meaning
of all the words that,
i have been offering

i would tell you,
they are everything

i write to find meaning
i write to give meaning
i write so i could mean something
at times when i feel like nothing

and the thing is,
i'll keep offering words to you
because you mean so much to me

and that is my meaning,
so, i would never stop writing

i hate that in a crowd of people, i frantically look for your familiar face
no matter how small the probability of that happening is

but i would still love to see it

he always had a lot to say
babble on for hours

but maybe, it's because
he was always longing for
someone to talk to

so, when given the chance
he would not make waste of it
and would use the opportunity
as if it was his last, always

everyday i am reminded of the many reasons why i love you

yet, everyday i am struggling to find an answer to the question- why did i even do you wrong?

still, i'd love you no matter what

i keep dreading the night because i always wonder how long it will take me to shake off every thought of you- that's how long it usually takes before i can fall asleep

i used to think that i was good with directions-
but why am i lost and can't find my place in you

i have this urge to remove my glasses
when i walk around campus
just so that, if ever you were somewhere near
i would not see you
because even just the thought of you
is enough to make me cry,
what more if i saw you there, clear as day?
i think that's when my internal clouds would turn gray
and my eyes would rain their woes away

i long for the day i'd grasp on the idea that not being able to say your name nor think of you, doesn't mean that i've forgotten you- but learned to live with the thought that i haven't

if loving you is a sin, then send me straight to hell

it's half past midnight
and i'm still wide awake
i can't seem to remember
how much time it takes
for me to fall into slumber
through the dead of night
without your number
waking up my phone
before we doze off
and sleep tight

it just doesn't feel right

i got used to never letting myself breathe- i mean, what's the point when everyone around wants to suffocate you?

if you are looking for a way for me to give up and hate you, i am sorry to disappoint you,
but i am already blinded by the many reasons to love you

The void keeps pulling me towards its center
with hands tied together, I can't seem to remember
the last time I held yours.
It seems as though forever has passed me by.

No, I take it back
I feel as though it had been an eternity,
since I last held grasp of your soul;
and talked to the billions of pieces
that make it up.

Tiny bits of your identity
that I once had known, but now?

I don't seem to know whether most of your pieces
are still part of you, or has your soul
been shattered too much, that more
pieces have shown themselves
and made their presence
to make up the very essence, of you.

All I know is that every piece that you are made of,
is like a piece of a puzzle, perfectly fitted
with each other, and together
they make you a beautiful masterpiece
that no one can ever pull apart.

"Why do you stay,
                 if they won't for you?"

"No one ever stayed for me,
                 and maybe at some point,
                                    no one stayed for them.
                                                    And maybe if i do,
                                                             ­   they'll change their mind"