when does your family stop being
your family, when you decided they
don't need to know your whereabouts
or who you're kissin',
when mama interferred
for the last time and you
drove the lonely 12 minutes
from his house to yours wishing
you made more sense, wishing
you didn't hurt so much over
every **** thing, so you're
tellin' god no more ultimatums
no more dark drives where you're
cursin and profanin his name

but when do you draw the line
when their home ain't your own
and your house big as empty feels
always warm but filled with you
and you're always far too much
too much thought, too much
water, not enough wood
he says you immediately told
your mom and i did, which got
me thinkin' about whether families
are comprised of just one, and if
I could be my own, if you need
two, if a dog counts
if there are rules
or just a hand on my back
if God's a good lead then
i'm pushing right back

i've always sanded down
the edges 'cause i'm sharp
as your mama's wit and just
as fast,

sometimes the words all fall to
the side like marbles in a bag
but they're all tourmaline and jade
just like the old wives tale
there have never been snakes here,

run the faucets, run the faucets
the tile has no room for all the light
there are fawns beneath the sink
and kudzu spreading across
my skin,

the blue granite in the kitchen
looks like ocean, ive opened the
windows and the birds have made
their home, the sky has
crept in, the clouds are in the
mud room,

it's raining here but the sun is out
i tried the desert once but it was
no good, there are sand flowers
but I am not
one

and if I am, I take the water
feed the ground, the joy has
always settled but i was never
meant for flight, I've always
come up from the earth
wound around the grape
vine, stood too long
and the long grass
takes
me
but

the blue granite tile
run the faucets, flood the gates
I was not made to reap no-thing.

She longingly looked up at the stars

They were taunting her
Shining with their beautiful yet flawed perfection

They were shrinking her
******* all the oxygen out of her lungs
Slowly burning her life force to dust
Letting her become
One of them

well dear sweetheart
i know so far// how we got here//
and i'm sorry this all got so
confusing// well i've heard i'm a mess
but I've always thought of that //
as the opinion of many,//
'cause broken see as broken do

and darling
I have much to say for the state of our hearts//
and maybe mine was gentle acoustic cover the
the rugged twang of yours// and in the midst of
fightin' words, you caught me while turnin'
a fish off deck, a wingless bird--

but life has always spoken to me in feelings
allegories 'bout wolves and fields and men
and i'm used to fightin battles on the wrong
side, for mother's sake or father's winsome smile

and i've turned a door or two into a forest
made a **** a hundred nettles in my heel
ive heard that I may blow things out of proportion
with father njord inside my soul with bags of air

i'm begging for my own answers, for a revival
for a straight path, and I was hoping, I would
that you would, that I would, that you would
and i'm sorry I took something good and twisted it up
that i apologized for being me, and I know you said it
so long ago--not to be sorry and that you wouldn't leave

cause i'm still in your corner, just trying to breathe.
trying to breathe, trying to breathe.

"everything you are
is a product of all your interactions.
you mirror your friends
or you mirror yourself."

heaven may not be a place on earth
and you may not be oppenheimer,
but now you are become death:
destroyer of worlds around you.

it's hard sayin'
if those I love you's
were true, because
you try to do the
right thing for
yourself and
people
can't stand
it anymore
the wind picks
up and takes them
away, you're alone
'cause you're still
the only one standing
in the foreground, there's
this cement beneath your
feet, and you're still a little
weak, you got a little drunk
and he held your face,
kept askin' if you were okay--
'cause no you ain't
'cause no you ain't
he says you're good
at pretending but that's
not true

just good at deflecting
and actin' like it's fine,
he always talked about defenses
but never asked about mine
and I tend to lose people no matter what
by choice or not

so i guess i just figured that's what love meant
stickin' it out, holding it in,
but i guess it really is as easy as that,
if he's not for me, and i am for him.