the ways of distraction she put forth
while walking and passing by the old destroyed building
her mind is like an open slate
that is empty and the words distorted
all the traces of past memory is blurred, no, wait!!its ERASED!
but the love in her heart always made its pace!!

a chronic defector, a leaver by choice, a summon of destruction
she had been like this forever
and this forever been like this since she dnt even remember
but ,
the love again piercing the ways from the crack of mountains
in the very dark night when she doesnt even feel her face!!

sometimes, just exhale, its better to exhale than inhale
so that the course of ur lines, for once, dnt stop ur ways
FATE!!!!
it changed so swiftly, like jumping on a bandwagon like paths and space....

the spot where i have stopped, here winds are howling
the dust storm in enigma and gigantic
my clothes, i dnt know, where i saw them last time on me
still there is something, a light in dark, a hope atlast
or may be,
this is like the other chapters i forgot atlast!!

I know this haphazardness is inherited
Like a swirling derwish
I keep encircling my lost emotions
As if someone trying to find sonething,
Non existing, extinct, unborn, un-uttered!!
I try to speak and my words loose my ways
As if, everything despise me,
Even my own shadow!

Something in air is not good
As if a mourning lost child trying to find his mother,
And his naked feet all dust and dirt
His head messed up,
But still he finds for love, an eternal lost love!!

I am drowning, where? I myself unaware,
The bank of the reverbering sea, i cant see,
And while hearing the stardom of storm,
I myself loosing my speech, somwhere somehow, too bad, too badly!!

U know,
Donot turn back
Donot look behind
Dont and never think of past
When
For once
Only for once
Your own self is crushed
And self respect humiliated!
Make it clear
You have no role in this play, anymore!

" how u remember the exact time after so many years when ur hair have silver hue and ur eye bags are wrinkled more like an autumn leaf ur complexion is drained?!" " sometimes pains with pleasures mark history in our minds more than the happiness with pleasure""


" do u love me?!"
" i love u with all my heart but it is overburdened by so many things that i find u nowhere. But yes still i love u"

" do u love me?!"
" yes i love u more than i do to myself, but still in my rage , i love myself more than i do to anyone. But yes still i love u"


A story of heart n song of soul, both when put together come across greatest miracles of life.


My feet are squashed by pain of walking miles, but my eyes those envisioned thousands of images still is up beaten and drenched, encasing more secrets than one can hold.

U r bound to people, people are bound to rituals, n rituals define us like nothing identifies. Still u ask me my identity with degnity, ask the people who have made the custom of beating a soul to death, keeping a body a walking corpse.

I smile too bright, my mind laughs on my duality. It was me who used to laugh at u on ur double face n its me who is trapped in same. Everything apart, i still smile on how u ppl pretend in ur own circle.

" a survival is in obedience , in killing ur self respect after u r bound to a culture. "
" i cant, my self respect is too high for survival"
" u r unfit"
" i dnt care"
" what they would say, ull have to bear , its in ur betterment"
" i dnt need my such well being, i need to bresthe, atleast for once to trash this duality, may this breath bring disaster, its acceptable than disaster of wearing mask n forgetting ur own face"


Hiramalik

He kept her heart in its shape!
And She knows this already
" *** is a trade to happy heart"

Ehsaas kay dareechay main
Baynaam sa aik shahar basta hai
Har roz wahan log uth-tay hain
Qaroobar kay hangaamon main
Koe mun dho kar nikalta hai
Koe bay- awaz surr pay sarr dhunta hai
har roz wahan aik kahani hai
Jo tmhain mjhay sunani hai
Har saa-at wahan aik tamasha hai
Jo rukta aur shaur machata hai
Raat ki taareeki main
Jab sab thak kar laut aatay hain
Apnay **** ki thakawat ko
Wo  khawaboon kay ka-andhay utartay hain
Aur yunhi so jatay hain.....
Ehsaas kay dareechay main
Jo aik bay- naam sa shahar basta hai
Uss basti ki sab hastion main
Chupa bacha din bhar hansta hai
Aur shab dhalay, sarhanay  mun day kar rota rahta hai.....

they say
there is no space left
even  a void too large
to accommodate  all the sorrows and pain
still there is no space left
a heart of association is detached
its the story of time
under dust of moments
that are long forgotten...

a place where u find safe
whether in arms of ones
or the land so empty
its again
the matter of time
what ur heart decides
and affiliation is inseparable

love is like a growing tree
that tastes 4 seasons
from spring to autumn
it doesn't confide one season inside
kisses all four faces
and claims still to be in love
for love is the water
that keeps the seed growing
without owning it!!

i am a lover seeker
but a deceiver too
i am a wanderer lust-er
but  a loner too
i am a soother and a home , for homeless
but a ruthless and revengeful too....
we all live in a orbit of deception
a hide and seek space
where we ourselves unaware of the fact
who we really are...

this is the cycle of life
a wheel of love
a run on the road
a destination unknown,
still my friend
still,
we walk on a new dream
daily
after trashing the last one....
like crushed petals
engraved deep down
and sprout a new seed....

now the short words in trend
or
may be you can wrap yourself in silence
the safest of all cages
that
even in its zone death is like birth
rejuvination of this overlap
is only because of the blessing of being in U!

The treasures of these fields
Singing rhymes hand in hand
With the love flowing by their side
Is like,
Thinning of that silver line
Where all the dreams fly by——-

Seek through abundance of love around
Seek through the light inside you
A well u keeping in very deep
Where the darkness of nights and seas no one can ever see...

She is not what u see

In a statue full of embellishment

She is just hiding,

A solace from the sufferings outside

An eacape from the miseries inside!

You always attract the aspect from the opposite person what your own soul is either starving or deficient of.

Men are the pearls of that wisdom that sparkles rarely and when it does it shed off the unhygienic stuff for once and ever!

She is just a stigma of verbality on wisdom, no one knows she herself doesnt know from where these all words come from!

The instant u absorb positive energey from people around, u are turned into a monster!!

Speaking of gloominess, there is a heaven between the differences of its action and the state. Both are step sisters to each other

Either we choose to complain or learn acceptance. The middle way is the other name of "suicide"

I wish i could capture the peace i get when sunlight beems through window on me.

Coldness is just shattered so is the madness!

Abundance is the feeling when your brain is on silent mode and heart on noise

The merging of all
The detainment and my spirit
So aloof
That the retention of my feelings finding a way to fly!
An aesthetics of being alone
And whatever the label you put on it
Creates disaster
When u hit with tha faces of crowd!
O Lord, when is that day?
Is there even a day?
This distribution to me is so hazy
In comatose state
I feel dizzy!
Enrage the fire of anger
But dnt belittle me,
In the name of that love
That never existed
Tapering to the slightest of stir!
This is what i look like
When i trip on my heels and my feet bleed,
This is what who i am
A neglector of the pain, going on in heaps.
This is my friend the real face of me
Who pretends to be a reader but lost in the mountains of seas.
O yes, delusional is what they call it
I say, no **** no, this is what i describe it as Me!

There is a strong co- incidence that i would rather drown in a giant ocean
An enigmatic world of my thoughts
Where waves embrace each other delicately
No fish, no sea shell is haunting,
No sharks, whales, turtles stir ur flaunting-
And here i stay
In this ocean-less world
Without any kind word
Of aesthetics or just an absurd;
I am not wondering the situation that i am hurling in for so many years,
Neither complaining about the restlessness its enhancing in my groovy heart,
Just in case if i die in next second,
I just want to scribble about the heapeness inside,
Mounting
Like un- flown tears!

how i feel towards u
its too insensate
like u scroll down pages of an empty book
or strike helplessly the broken chords of violin
i am not vibrant enough to dessicate black from white
i am full enough to greed for the blurring sight
how i feel towards u?; its a matter of time
like a flash on sky, or shine of sapphire
like smoke is blown out with wind,or fragrance fades out after spring,
i dnt understand, but words i feel
the music in its silence i pour in like a wine
and earth shakes itself in madness, the madness of love, the madness of lust, the madness of desire;MADNESS it is,
and i pour in,
like black clouds, i soak myself in my dark breaths,
without sun to appear, without moon to heal the wounds,
i just drown in my own wind, swirl in my own ocean, speak in my own silence....

hiramalik

It’s unexplainable
The deep rooted seed of love
Oh dear
How will I ever tell you
How I spent days and nights
Kneeded in the dough of love
That magnificent love
Revealed upon me
Bits by bits
And drowned me in its gigantic wave forever.....

Oh the Lover of all lovers
Oh the Lord of all lords
How u created this love
Out of the flesh, that a heart is
And mind a skull contains
How u flourished it so intensely
Insanely,
That whoever opts it
Or gets trapped in it
Looses himself , happily,willingly——-

The description of contraception
of heads so many,
as those thoughts being liberated
and they fly in air like a solemn free bird;
you know what hurts me the most
being alone? NO
being deceived? again NO
but,
being not alone when u are meant to be alone!!
the introspection of me, the devision in my thoughts
is just too much
so so much,
that i myself is unable to comprehend what i desire
and how i want to lay down in the heat of sunrise!!
the monologue of this book
is unsaid, yet so descriptive
that the whole syllabi is meaningless...
the meaning of words
sometimes dont describe the actual pain
you know that?
its the feature of the speaker, that speaks the volume!!
the glory of emancipation from this world
and attaching to the subconscious valley
have u ever tasted what it feels like?
it the bitter of all, but drench u the most!!
this is the glorification of my being
of my solitude of thoughts
and the affect of its ecstasy
that is on and beyond the heavens !!

Tameer-ay ulfat say bahter tameer-ay amarat
Aay baa-zoq sajda kar tou dekh kay kar,
Meray pahlo say liptii tere yaad-e-gah
Jumbash-e nam-tar, bay-wuqqat,bay-talab,
Bass ab har taraf niklay jo saaz-gar,
Naan muhabbat talab,naan lutf bar,
Sirf ikk adab,sirf ikk talab,
Iss zamana-e-nasaz ki sirf ikk hawas,
Taamer-ay amarat!!

I wish
Tears would never had to flow down on cheeks
The helplessness
Misery
Brokenness
Sensitivity
Burden me more
Than the pleasure of being teary!

What she finds in him
When whole night he keeps exploring her body
Every night, and other night
As if,or might be some new plant has sprouted from her seed,
As if eating fruits from its branches, mandatory!
But,
What everyother night her seeking eyes see nothing,
For the tenderness she needs ,
Only!!
For a woman is made up of light bkue sky
And pale coloured sand
Wind v fragile
And spark too shallow
And this tenderness encapsulates her wholy!
With trembling hands
Everyother dark night
While her stature he loves
Her hands goes to his heart
To find tender part
But it still is a story of everyother night!

Dead dreams
She was just a maurderer
Whose symphony was unsung
Amongst the mountains capped with glaciers
Melting like your heart in awe of that love
Which u have kept as a secret under covers of its corner
The growing plant, inside the earth, silently u water
And its rooted deep, the same kind of excruciating, killing me softly kind of love!!
And that strong wind, on the top of world
When u lissen its buzzz,
Feel it inside each pore of your windshiled,
Same kind of thunder
Claps around me every second
Since after keeping this love,
Like a sprouting bud
Like a child in the womb making
Likewise my love, u have evolved every corner of me in ur love!!!

the art of running away

is the greatest of all,

the sootheness in accompanying winds

and the coldness of stones

under feet

is the biggest of glory!!

Days been very long, idle, like sunshine pouring in , in excess
For no reason likewise you close eyes for ages and beyond
And stretch your arms to embrace the wind or let go of quenched , suffocated storm....

Such been the days, where i sit on sofa aimlessly under cover of blanket
Its sunny warm, but inside cold is leaping beyond and beyond
Open books and read the line twice, still confused, i yawn and yawn
And than sleep for dreaming something, i never imagine to get hold on!!!!

Its been long, i have seen the setting of dawn
These big silent creepy building have taken over the whole citu charm..
People are disgusted by their thoughts, worries rule the realm of thorn
And sitting inside this small room, i am counting days, for how long will i have to stay without the love charm!

i know no one will ever remember
me
once i am all gone
the skies will might
but earth ave changed ways
of engulfing the masses of memories
without a single regret!!

Keep breaking your heart until it opens!

Its too late to comprehend the state of feelings
That were once part of the Art
Those led my pen scribble something great
Gave my heart strength of steel
Made me one of a kind!!
Its too late now my love
To write about that well defined love
Exists in histories
Where once i belonged to,
Being a great devotee
Making my soul encircling the whole aroma
As a sole new born breather!!!
Its too late even to say i am finding ways,
Or my heart trembling to feel the touch of time,
Its too silent now
Like a dead land,
Where if a dark lead fall, it starves to death!!
My whole idelogy being broken
And scrumbled to one lifeless feel,
Lif changes you, but this much transition!!; u see such in dead, when a body is irreplaceably decayed,
U seee such not in ordinary,
For those paths were never meant for me!!!

A place to soar!

A night it is,
Strangest of all
Where the luminosity is generous
And the bleakness dnt fall...

My head in bizarre spin
Strangling in between the brass and gold
The murmurs are about the eruption of volcanoe
In this deadly freezing cold!

Justifiable is the lonesome, deception is more refined
I no more am doubtful, the love is atlast declined.
Sighs are the words, moans are now defined
The player is best on the stage, who dive in the bitterest of wine!

The people of this world called
And than
Unanimously they yelled
“ are you awake”
Destinations or fate
Ways or trace
All are speculation now
The confrontation of the heart with soul
Is one of the biggest battle
Ever battled
And world still
Will mark never
The history of this bloodshed!!

People woke up again and yelled high at their lungs
Are you awake
And few came out of their front doors
Yawning and rubbing eyes
There was a silent of deads on the street
So was in their insides
And they raised slogans in their slumber and sleep
“ hail to you
Jai to you
Salam to you”
..........
...........
.............
And than there was a silence of death,
Of utmost
Of grave
And i looked up to the sky
And wished for this all to end, once and forever
For the first time.....

The raining week has not passed yet
As if, the sky on a cry
Likewise
My head is bursting
As if pain is on gain...
The momentum has arrived
Blueness all over has taken the stance
As if
The conquerer is mourning over the victory...

Grief
Let me just sit with you
For brief
To see
How you are going to berieve me
For the loss of my dearest,
Just sit with me
Stay quiet but
For the loss have i born
Is unbearable to speak in tears.
So
Oh you grief
You are adjorned
For the time being
So i can cherish his memories!

Allah hafiz

This plant will grow
With you,
Or may be
Ull die before it attains youth
And
Be a saviour for your children!

This fish is like me
she cant survive  without water
Likewise
I cant survive without this city
I will die peacefully an agonisig devastated death
But
In my city!

I am a derwaish, a one in his own rhythm,
If u a lover, than earn love,
Keep firm this heart, as these mountains hve embrassed earth,
Heart like a sun,burning, not acquaintantto its own warmth!!
O lover,
Dnt move ur heart, keep ur gaze at ur heart,
As,
I am a derwaish , moving in his own rhythm...
O Allah,
May be myself lost for ur cause
In ur love, seeking through ur love,
To the route of lover,
Where once again i loose all mu whereabouts!!


Seeker of Oneness,have u seen little birds flying far away from their little nests,
Leaving behind everything, with no guard but on their hearts,
Of the One, who has encompassed the gigantic skies,
Whose one glance
Can melt vast routes to open their ways to the lost beggar in dirt!!
Colourless chapters, U colour them if i find u with passion and cravings,
I know ur one glance could change it, oceans to mountains, sun to moon,
O Allah, the seekings of seekers,
These oceans with one blue face, gives Urs many reflections,
From its surface to depth,
And ur gesture can make my heart filled with its coldness, deep in my veins ,through the rage of my soul!!!
Drenched in ur rememberance,
I know there is nothing outthere,
Nothing but u,
Sinking deep in its soul, i still remember how gracious and vast U are!!!!!!

this world is at its best show..faces of varied appear in fraction of seconds when i walk, and in my dreams they haunt me..people , likewise this time are on their moves, at their best, not an err not a sin, not a punishment,its just that they are people...of different colors and language and thoughts and ambitions...

y the color of land is getting dark with sunset..i watch it every evening from my window, it never speaks..it never complains...but y today i feel the essence of pain flowing from West and my heart sinking down,....silence is a pin, an unbearable pain, that resides in me, like dead quieteness after horrible storm in lonely vast desert..my heart has gone dusty like that brown desert where warm winds play their games on and off and with each breaking of dawn it prepares itself for another tiring day.....


and and and and and and and and
I tryyyy
but but but but but but but but but
i am tryinggg
scratching it, rubbing it
its red v v v v red
wash it
or
throw it away
trembling, trembling, tremb... shhhh
they will lissen,world is ending
and...
.....
......
i need sleep, long sleep....


somewhere in my halts, my silence speaks..but no one here is to lissen,,may b if they wud, no one is here to understand.,.there is long silence,, awkward silence..like a prostitutes keeps to her while dancing, an enigmatic silence, like a pain she keeps while laughing, a strange laugh, a weird smile....like a blindness in her gaze, a strange , deep gaze....


i soak myself in their colors,
and i forget me, in this play
they favor me of reminding all this
and with wide artificial smile, i negate.
my existance as if has gone burdened
on me as if, i am loading weight in tons
yet moving at ease, fleeing!!



some words are never meant to have any meanings..infact my any word doesnot keep any meaning..its all in space, its all alien..i myself is unaware...i myself wonder...

do i need to mention my identity?

Subah-e-tamaam kay sozo gar
Khoon main nahay apnay lakht-e- jiggar
Aay soz-e-lab-e- baam, kia naghma gungunao gay,
Har roz ik nae tamanna jagao gay?
Unn hasrat bharay dilon main kia kia saaz bajao gay?
Aay saq-e- dil, yun hasraton main jeena bhe kia jeena
Jiss dil main naan koe hasrat , naan koe tamanna!!!
( its urdu language, that is a mother language in Pakistan)

Never she wanted to end up
Inthe world of chaos
In this strange turtle race
For all the liabilities
She always laughed at them distantly!
She never knew but,
A wave takes its form to ocean
While sweeping off everyone on the same lane!!!

Its not despair
My dear friend,
Its me and acceptance is too hard to handle
So blame me
For all the non sense
I create and re create
In and old fashioned way
So puzzled and jumbled up
That the carpenter has lost the dimensions
And nails are hitting directly into soul!!!

Somedays ill be following melancholy
That actually exists in me
Like it is there , staying there for so long
A deep slumber sleep, without which my heart never rests..
See the lights of withering moon
Shaping my heart to its beam
But soon,
That black curtain of night
Will cover my sadness in heap...
Shake me, help me, make me awake
U all voices in my dreams....

Misplaced
So displaced I was
Like
a Z far from Y
Or numbers in disorder!

My heart was on fire
not in stove
But somewhere far on glacier lands
Where even thirst becomes ice

I am not destined for that love
That was born with me
U know that.…?
It’s the most undeprived , a child heart
Drowned long ago in its own unfilled desires!

Soaring high up, soars deep inside
This is the distance unmeasured
Even if u fill this void with all these stars
Still, the pebble will produce the loudest of sound in its depth,
Such a void is this,
And I am contemplating still where to sit!

With a saddened grim on her face
She opened her eyes from the last tiring night
It was heavy in sleep, burdened dreams
So many desires, leaping their last breath of faith!
Many nights like last night, many dreams dark bright,
And they have secured their place in this tiresome attire!!

I see, my heart has many spaces
For love of different sprouts
Seeds of these different kinds have occupied the broken and , some closed doors
And windows open and shut at different tyms!
This heart, a swollen ****** heart
Seeks through these half opened windows
A bright sun, with rays shining like a golden armour!
I have beseeched every part with the utmost love
And now the plants have turned into strong doves,
Enrooted deep in my blood!

May be, after years of turmoil
Few broken windows will be stolen
And others repaired
And the nights will be nomore enchroaching
And my demons will not take last leap of faith
And,
Might be ill beleive the fact
That LOVE DO EXIST!!

There are moments
When i lost all hopes
Sitting alone on ragged sofa
In this distant strange land
Few months back
Being dead
Tired like hell
Screamed for my mother name
And asked in silent from Him
Where is she
To hold me like this?
There are moments
When its a compulsion to wake up
And start your work
But on each step
They are so heavy
U literally have to drag yourself!!
There are moments
When you are desperate to embrace sleep
But you stay up
Just for few minutes
To embrace urself in this silent bleep
Just to be with u
And ask is everything alright!!

The worst of all is
To be alone!

Loneliness......
U know how it feels to be alone
Like the last spark on the sky
After crackers fires
And rest of the light turns into ashes
Leaving behind the last spark to survive!

It is something like this
A small moment
Between leaving spring
And embracing autumn!

A very tiny cliche
Between hiccough of crying
And laughing hysterically!

A deep fear making you derwish
Like this moth in dark night
Continuously encircling the lantern light!

Feeling of being cursed
Like a little child
Witj parched dry lips
Waiting hopelessly for a wet sight!!

U ever felt the tormenting fear of being never held?; heart is such a disgusting place to live in
And ur mind search it constantly
A link between ur solemn heart
And attachment to the outside plight!!

i know, since the moment of no time
i just passed by my written dreams on a paper so white,
and now, when they are accompalished,
i am amused by my silent inside,no hives!!


its for the sake of living, breathing
its for being called as a legend of fulfillment
not for my own demons i chose the real attire
it was for sake of social stigma, norms and desires!!


i cant undo times of times,
yes, these places will change, faces will go,
but,
i cant rephrase my already sung rhymes,
those affected deeply hearts of naive, of lovers without robes!!


my footsteps lead me to somewhere unknown,
i am gleeful on little memory of their traces,
they just come, and likewise they go,
but stays deep inside my solemn heart, a regret of deception, a feeling of being sold!!




hiramalik

I know he loves me
So i let him spank me, humiliate me
O heart
With such disdain u said
" so go"
When i said
I am just goin to the door
With the sound of disgust
And i left without any goodbyes.
O that recklessness in me
U see me abusive mouth-ed
Cursing swearing everywhere
U find me pathetic in bed or near door, inside or outside
Or even while passing by
That makes you dream of throwing  ur insanity on me,
On me providing it to u willingly,
But deep down u dnt even know
This cruelty is the byproduct of that void
No love has ever filled in...
And i left , just forever
When with such Disdain, u said
" YOU GO"

muhabbat ka faham jana tou dil ro para
yay kaisa ilm hai kay jiss raah gya wahan shor para

yay dekho kon hai saaqi jo chala aa raha hai khaali hath
naan mayy hai naan masti, naan may kadday ka shoor para

zamana saaz tha, par sakoot main raha umar bhar
magar roze hashar yay kuen aur kaisa shaur para

aur phir jab dill tota, aur ishq ki baazi haar gya
wo shaksh murjha gya aur hanstay hanstay phir ro para