there is an air surronding me
no air can be this big
than a heart of sorrow
than the forgetfulness of joy
no air can be this gracious
to keep this heart
to accommodate this soul
to forget the revenge!!


yes,
there is an air!!


i am saddend by the movement of light,
running back , in fraction of second
faces so grim, voices so dim,
and i stand here on same spot
for centuries!!


yes,
there is a moment!!



rememberance ,
insanity ,
forgetfulness,
vanity,
i reciprocated my voice with mark of node,
faces, faces, faces,
so much to say, so much to speak,
it dribbles in moment of love till the peak of joy,
than it is overwhelmed
only by the moment of silence!!

yes,
there is an air
there is a moment!!

Grief
Let me just sit with you
For brief
To see
How you are going to berieve me
For the loss of my dearest,
Just sit with me
Stay quiet but
For the loss have i born
Is unbearable to speak in tears.
So
Oh you grief
You are adjorned
For the time being
So i can cherish his memories!

Allah hafiz

Either we choose to complain or learn acceptance. The middle way is the other name of "suicide"

I wish i could capture the peace i get when sunlight beems through window on me.

Coldness is just shattered so is the madness!

Abundance is the feeling when your brain is on silent mode and heart on noise

"This word ANYTHING i learnt from these tiny creatures God created out of me. Yes Anythng, not because anything i wish to provide them, but because anything i can do for them??"
"Can u imagine Aagra what anything i can do for them," said Plew to aagra in thoughtful voice." What?? "
He was engrossed in his own thoughts too..". I can **** my inside and suffer in worst way, tolerate pain that is never ending and still walk with grace."
Aagra came out of that yoginess with a **** of astonishment, looking deep in his sad eyes. "Y u love them so much Plew? "
After a silence he replied,not existing in the same place "because Aagra, i have created them out of worst pain with pleasure, there is no such love that exists with this devotion. They are all what i have now!!!

closing eyes, and feeling the wind against me, I told him "you are very lucky"

U know,
Donot turn back
Donot look behind
Dont and never think of past
When
For once
Only for once
Your own self is crushed
And self respect humiliated!
Make it clear
You have no role in this play, anymore!

With a saddened grim on her face
She opened her eyes from the last tiring night
It was heavy in sleep, burdened dreams
So many desires, leaping their last breath of faith!
Many nights like last night, many dreams dark bright,
And they have secured their place in this tiresome attire!!

I see, my heart has many spaces
For love of different sprouts
Seeds of these different kinds have occupied the broken and , some closed doors
And windows open and shut at different tyms!
This heart, a swollen ****** heart
Seeks through these half opened windows
A bright sun, with rays shining like a golden armour!
I have beseeched every part with the utmost love
And now the plants have turned into strong doves,
Enrooted deep in my blood!

May be, after years of turmoil
Few broken windows will be stolen
And others repaired
And the nights will be nomore enchroaching
And my demons will not take last leap of faith
And,
Might be ill beleive the fact
That LOVE DO EXIST!!

Tere yaad
Aur kuch nahin
Uskay baad....

You always attract the aspect from the opposite person what your own soul is either starving or deficient of.

Men are the pearls of that wisdom that sparkles rarely and when it does it shed off the unhygienic stuff for once and ever!

She is just a stigma of verbality on wisdom, no one knows she herself doesnt know from where these all words come from!

The instant u absorb positive energey from people around, u are turned into a monster!!

Speaking of gloominess, there is a heaven between the differences of its action and the state. Both are step sisters to each other

He kept her heart in its shape!
And She knows this already
" *** is a trade to happy heart"

u find a strange heart,
ask it the cause of existance,
a wondrous expression,
and a reason of being gypsy...
on stalk of dreams,
flowy in windy breeze,
i rely my everything for sake of love,
from every direction comes only a gaze ,
of hatred and deception!!


for sake of love, a dead city,
awakens from the spreading of dust,
sun kisses in its golden color,
the blueness of vast sky,
and life is blown in souls rust,
just for sake of love!!


ur thought, a reflection,
shivers me thorough,
makes me tremble,
like an autumn leaf in season of fall,
i make a call,
for my fragile heart,
to be held and enslaved by the moment of love,
just for sake of love!!


it is falling slowly on island of dark hold,
i need a courage yet, to leave this place,
my eyes glare upon the paths unknown,
silence is its passanger,
and companions are nt sober too,
but,
i am waiting for moon to show me the way,
so i cross the leap,
dive deep,
the oceans of oceans,
in love,
just for sake of llove!!

Some people are so toxic, that meeting them drains you completely as if someone has hit you badly till its no more dead, but else anything!
Avoid !

Just a thought

this time spent in hours in day and night, in shades of dark
i feel  whirling of my thoughts like stars on blue sky, in dimlight
like  brilliance of neon, when all is quiet ,mesmerised!!

i no longer count the shades of leaves when trees hang along roadside
and when shine is bright, sun is still a friend; wen foreheads around sweating,
love by my side, hate is still a friend, black still feels white,
oh LORD, these signs are blessings, even  pain is addictive in this state!!

just curious about the pores that appear on my skin, in cold or warmth,
wondrous about the smile that lingers on in sleeps even,dreams still seeps
through the corner of closed window;winds blow out every thing,and still it lingers;
nothing is perfect, but a heart in addiction, eyes unheld, and smiles un-controlled!!

no, now i dnt fly, yet i feel with  my wings spread out, my feet on rhythm,my curves on beat
yes, in this imperfection, i am all alive, in this hideous state, i am all evident,
hmm, this humming is complete, these words perfect, and after such a long tym
i am not in myself, but in one- self all surviving and complete!!

I dreamt of the high mountain
The peak of the cliff
Where clouds greet and kiss
Rain spread its ways to flourish the night
Sun bathes everything with tender and love
I dreamt of it every night!!

And my days??
Those hard tiring long days
From juggling between my own thoughts to harsh blows from outside,
From standing all alone to falling very low,
From lossing strength to gaining immense courage
From silence like a dead sea to loudness like volcanoe,
I learnt one thing, and my dear only one thing
U are your own hero!!!

There is a strong co- incidence that i would rather drown in a giant ocean
An enigmatic world of my thoughts
Where waves embrace each other delicately
No fish, no sea shell is haunting,
No sharks, whales, turtles stir ur flaunting-
And here i stay
In this ocean-less world
Without any kind word
Of aesthetics or just an absurd;
I am not wondering the situation that i am hurling in for so many years,
Neither complaining about the restlessness its enhancing in my groovy heart,
Just in case if i die in next second,
I just want to scribble about the heapeness inside,
Mounting
Like un- flown tears!

It needs a crack
For light to enter
And than
It needs a gap
For His love to seep in!!!

It’s unexplainable
The deep rooted seed of love
Oh dear
How will I ever tell you
How I spent days and nights
Kneeded in the dough of love
That magnificent love
Revealed upon me
Bits by bits
And drowned me in its gigantic wave forever.....

Oh the Lover of all lovers
Oh the Lord of all lords
How u created this love
Out of the flesh, that a heart is
And mind a skull contains
How u flourished it so intensely
Insanely,
That whoever opts it
Or gets trapped in it
Looses himself , happily,willingly——-

sometimes i denied the importance of a breath
that keeps me ajar in times when everyone sleeps
a secret keeper of my naive heart
that has now been surronded by orchestra
a fresh start as if flowers have just erupted out of a fertile land
seeing through such veil,
behined the bars of the old wet times
i miss them, so eagerly, so wantedly i miss them
that my heart goes silent suddenly ,in a memory!!
i painted my walls, the color was so bright i cudnt see the amber,
i decorated my art wall with random childish faces, that made me smile even when i am astray,
she said today when she came upstairs, remember the ones that made themselves surrender in ur love,
and yes that love, a true love, will stay in a room filled with cups,
empty, full of beer, juices of different colors, and beverages of all types,
i put down them on the table bedside,and in nights i remmeber the laughters and joys...
and than tym flies on until i am flourished with the orchestra of different llyrics
and flowers are still fresh on my bed,a bald womb yet,
still filled up to my dreams,
a life so swift, a time keeps on drift,
until dawn turns to dusk and dusk to dark armor of night,
and untill u take last minute of  breathe, of ""The end"" sight!!

Admist the construction
There is an asylum
I am a key keeper there
So am i a prisoner,
A beggar at the beginning
A bestower at all doors,
A stranger in my own scripture
A lover like a mad *****,
I am an enigma
Or a story teller
Who knows his stories like all boundaries of sea-shore!

And ofcourse
You know it
We all know this
The stars are millionth far away
Stardust far far more
And the thousands of these thoughts
Encircle the universe on their own
I am just a wanderer of bygons
A strange path
Full of grainy little sand
That takes an imprint of many marks
The universe is sleepy
Everywhere only snoozing and limping is on bragain
And here i am dancing
On my own rhythm or this universe is singing melody?

I peep-ed inside, and the whole world took a leap of faith, on its toes
For the rhapsody was the One and Only!

The impression of being normal in society is so overstated that sometimes I doubt “Am I a Normal being"....normality has been defined at different level in varied ways, but 99 percent have the same concept about its definition and that is what we see around us in the form of ethics, manners, social interaction, intelligence and communication level. The pattern is imprinted in our minds and ideas like day and night and like the biological clock works inside us, so a minor deviation from that brings a lot of stirring in our environment and we label it with different names like “ ******”, “abnormal”, and some kind of disorder.

There is a very thin line between varied behavior and abnormality that is threatening to self and surroundings. Thing is we should understand that and start intervening when that line seems to be crossed.

Intelligence is being measured globally and majorly on the basis of grades and than on the basis of accompalishments and achievements but we totally forget that each individual is unique and gifted in different ways, we can’t compare a flower with the sky and vice versa.

The instability in society comes from the afromentioned behaviour and it affects whole lot of generation. not to differentiate between the individual’s capability and look in depth of their behaviors has a lot of psychological impact and that should be addressed from the very start level of their childhood so each can grow and flourish for their and their surroundings sake——-

In an isolated system of demarcation
The juvenility flourish
Like a dead sea
Stagnant for ages
And fish surviving from the air within!
The cult of being survivor
And seeker at the same is
So demolishing,
That....; the demon inside , beg for liberation even.
A pearl deep in the sea, the colour of rainbow after rain in falling day
A glimpse from the side of ur eyes, for the face of beloved,
These all unsuals are so enthralling , high and above the smook of ****!
The tunes of all these sounds, i envelop deep down my heart, under folds of its colours, floating in the red blood
So after death,only concealers could reveal the reality and do remedy!

This plant will grow
With you,
Or may be
Ull die before it attains youth
And
Be a saviour for your children!

This fish is like me
she cant survive  without water
Likewise
I cant survive without this city
I will die peacefully an agonisig devastated death
But
In my city!

the saint raised his eye brows and looked at my worned out face,
night as if have swollowed my speeches
and my sleeps always wait for rising days,
' u are desiring for waste when time is ahead, LORD is busy in bestowing the hosts,
attend ur heart that mourns whole night, hold ur breaths those dying to gt behold'
'i look up at the sky with sleepless tiring eyes,
''call the mountains when i get old,
beaten rocks , parched lands embracing sunset, grave the pleasures where hearts too cold,
my dreams insane me , when i drink the taste of ignorance,
i frown and i drown in my own silence, when my words hate me,
i bury my head again for no sake, for no treasure,
when i look at the baseless life, when i laugh at the senseless fear''

this is the nation who loves to write, but the actions are limited to dreams, to thoughts that are not even processed-- this is the nation that hates to be fooled, yet fool ownself again and again by love of things and hatred for people...

i can never attribute to the happenings around me, neither  have i any contribution in making and defaming the things that comfort me, people those adore me, and offcourse ppl haters for me. i just am living a life made by someone and still complaining for the distress they are creating when my contribution in making myself is none.....

i used to think of love for love, an ecstatic love that makes u forget everything-- an enigmatic love above all fragrances, since , i saw those little face at 10 pm, sunday night , no shoes, ***** outfits and running infront of fruit shop with juices in their hands being given by that fruit keeper. they had a vibrance on their faces, as if after long hard day begging they have got what they never dreamt of. they were running but with slow pace for fear of spillage of a single drop, and ofcourse din drink it for long for fear of it may not end so quickly--- I UNDERSTOOD THE MEANING OF YEARNING, LOVE AND DESIRES that night. love has too many aspects, i forgot till that night.

i am sharpening my sixth sense with sounds of imaginative broken heart, a dreadful scream, a dream that is shattered, a helpless soul, a bargain with no benefit, a crack in soul, an irtrepairable hurt. i have sharpened my senses, but still i dnt have a courage to face it.

luxuries never play with the sound mind for they give comfort, they pamper insane heart who is in search of so many things that are not even known to him.

i am in process of making and remaking, yet defying my spirit every day with daily activities makes me a better person. does shaping and reshaoing has any role until ur break and re-break urself??

i am finding a beginning in a chapter, first page of a book with remarks of triumph, and last page of this book with words of gain. i read again and again shame, shame and nothing without shame. discomfort dis-arm me everytime i go through the words of book, and i look for peace in silnce of my sleep.

aghast, tired, struck in confusion, i wrap up everyday the left overs, trash them far in dreams in no- land, with hope of new in another day. sleeps make me tired to wake me up to look for same trash i threw a day back with same lethargic breaths. y days go so long for the beginners??

Sometimes you dnt know what you are speaking, ur mind is floating in abyss and ur words somewhere else, u assure people of their sadness will go by, and meanwhile u ******* in the gloomiest of alls in you.

Flattering from here to there, a wind carrying the sounds of chyme go through as swift as minglenesa happens in dreams un- consciously. U try to grab words to pen down, and they very accurately ditch you on your face. This is how life is!!

I might sound melancholic and depressed 33 aged woman , but remember you all happy young lads, sadness is what residing in all of us very deep. Again and again you go back towards it just to taste its divinity and check its temperature. If you feel she is alone and needa ur company u sit with her, drink beer or sip whiskey , hold her vividly just to make sure she stays in darkest deepest hole of you as you are very much aware that too much happiness will make your mouth bitter and to sweeten it you will for sure come back to sadness!!!

Holiness is such a revealation that falls on you like sprinkle of drizzle in time of full blown sun, very unexpectedly. Bereavee it, engulf it, hold it for that moment of brief can outshine you.

noone leaves home
untill home is a sweaty
voice in ur ear
saying--
leave,
run away from me now
i dont know what i have
become,
but i know that
anywhere
is safer than here!!

copied

Never she wanted to end up
Inthe world of chaos
In this strange turtle race
For all the liabilities
She always laughed at them distantly!
She never knew but,
A wave takes its form to ocean
While sweeping off everyone on the same lane!!!

this world is at its best show..faces of varied appear in fraction of seconds when i walk, and in my dreams they haunt me..people , likewise this time are on their moves, at their best, not an err not a sin, not a punishment,its just that they are people...of different colors and language and thoughts and ambitions...

y the color of land is getting dark with sunset..i watch it every evening from my window, it never speaks..it never complains...but y today i feel the essence of pain flowing from West and my heart sinking down,....silence is a pin, an unbearable pain, that resides in me, like dead quieteness after horrible storm in lonely vast desert..my heart has gone dusty like that brown desert where warm winds play their games on and off and with each breaking of dawn it prepares itself for another tiring day.....


and and and and and and and and
I tryyyy
but but but but but but but but but
i am tryinggg
scratching it, rubbing it
its red v v v v red
wash it
or
throw it away
trembling, trembling, tremb... shhhh
they will lissen,world is ending
and...
.....
......
i need sleep, long sleep....


somewhere in my halts, my silence speaks..but no one here is to lissen,,may b if they wud, no one is here to understand.,.there is long silence,, awkward silence..like a prostitutes keeps to her while dancing, an enigmatic silence, like a pain she keeps while laughing, a strange laugh, a weird smile....like a blindness in her gaze, a strange , deep gaze....


i soak myself in their colors,
and i forget me, in this play
they favor me of reminding all this
and with wide artificial smile, i negate.
my existance as if has gone burdened
on me as if, i am loading weight in tons
yet moving at ease, fleeing!!



some words are never meant to have any meanings..infact my any word doesnot keep any meaning..its all in space, its all alien..i myself is unaware...i myself wonder...

do i need to mention my identity?

Something is badly missing
A big giant wide mouthed void
Engulfing all the smiles
And dancing like a nomad bird
I myself do not realise
Where this all is leading to, a hallway with confused ways, or destination in sight?!?
I am not intimidated by so many faces who cross my ways
I just desire to speak with some heart, who can underatand the chord of many wires,
And in these findings, i am held by some many filthies,
I am abducted by hands of many bodies
That wish of speech has lost its words, totallly!!!!
One way or another, the colours of springs are overcome-d
By shadows of fall, and night prolong-ed,
One way or other, i loose the same way
My dreams into speinkled broken leaves
Under feet!!!
Somedays in future may be, still i wish to be
Like a morning sun, so bright and soothing warm
In which,
Doesnt get burned my skin
And i stay alive, Alive!!!!

There is a pain of love
So bitter sweet
And
There is strange sweeteness in bitterness
And sweet is barely bitter
This amalgamation is a strange pleasure to heart!

There is some sadness in air
No!
The sadness in you
Deeply rooted
Like water sweeping through the trunk of tree
And blood flowing aggressively
A human is like a dark note of fury
A fire he can replace
Thunders even cany escape
And he can turn into a nightmare
Like of those sleepless nights
Where u are wide awake
And sun never shows up
Even in the longest hour
When ur eyes sore in pain
And still the sadness encompass you in strain!!

There are moments
When i lost all hopes
Sitting alone on ragged sofa
In this distant strange land
Few months back
Being dead
Tired like hell
Screamed for my mother name
And asked in silent from Him
Where is she
To hold me like this?
There are moments
When its a compulsion to wake up
And start your work
But on each step
They are so heavy
U literally have to drag yourself!!
There are moments
When you are desperate to embrace sleep
But you stay up
Just for few minutes
To embrace urself in this silent bleep
Just to be with u
And ask is everything alright!!

My eyes, insanity of blessings,
He sees smthng in them, from the corner of my lash
To the depths of its vision,
He sees smthng;
An extraordinare , a face so soft to be imagined by a straye-r!!
A french poem woven into a curvey menniquin?
A heart of whom, bounded by endless fumes;
Of needs and desires,
Of countless sattire,
Of upside rotten days and nights,
Of forgotten rhymes,
N still he finds rich beautiful poem in her eyes,
A french woven attire!!

Suddenly she gulps the pain of being forgotten
Tear away the praising letter, turn her thoughts frozen,
Yet, inside cold castle still burns a flame
In lonesome night, of long sung-songs and fame!!!

A night it is,
Strangest of all
Where the luminosity is generous
And the bleakness dnt fall...

My head in bizarre spin
Strangling in between the brass and gold
The murmurs are about the eruption of volcanoe
In this deadly freezing cold!

Justifiable is the lonesome, deception is more refined
I no more am doubtful, the love is atlast declined.
Sighs are the words, moans are now defined
The player is best on the stage, who dive in the bitterest of wine!

He left her
When she was so little
Homeless she astrayed!!

And for whole life he felt
As if,
She is standing outside bearing all the hard sun and rain!!

Love
The agony of love
Is so sweet of all the sweetest my dear
That the outrage of pain
Is a comfort in front of it———

Eradication of what haunts you
be it you or he
she or we
still,
the sensitivity of  feelings
encounters you differently!

I fascinate perfection
existance of no fear
and happiness...
But,
what use is of such completeness that incompletes you?

The rain has message
of that nostalgic day,
when i bothered not, to bathe in rainy day
my mind was bewildered yet very calm
do such days on daily basis ever stay?

peace? within? or in him?
such blurry questions take me to nowhere
and today is the first day of new Fall
i packed all my summers essentials
as,
my friend is visiting now with all its glory....
coldness we both will celeberate with a warm cup of tea
will discuss the randomness of this strange life
over a thoughtful read
and than
still,
the uneasiness will crawl under my skin
oh myy dear accompanier
life is strange, its true,
but the searching souls can never taste the actual hue!

Love is not a desire
No,no,no ,no
Its a need
Without which
Death is inevitable!

Its not despair
My dear friend,
Its me and acceptance is too hard to handle
So blame me
For all the non sense
I create and re create
In and old fashioned way
So puzzled and jumbled up
That the carpenter has lost the dimensions
And nails are hitting directly into soul!!!

Its too late to comprehend the state of feelings
That were once part of the Art
Those led my pen scribble something great
Gave my heart strength of steel
Made me one of a kind!!
Its too late now my love
To write about that well defined love
Exists in histories
Where once i belonged to,
Being a great devotee
Making my soul encircling the whole aroma
As a sole new born breather!!!
Its too late even to say i am finding ways,
Or my heart trembling to feel the touch of time,
Its too silent now
Like a dead land,
Where if a dark lead fall, it starves to death!!
My whole idelogy being broken
And scrumbled to one lifeless feel,
Lif changes you, but this much transition!!; u see such in dead, when a body is irreplaceably decayed,
U seee such not in ordinary,
For those paths were never meant for me!!!

A place to soar!

now the short words in trend
or
may be you can wrap yourself in silence
the safest of all cages
that
even in its zone death is like birth
rejuvination of this overlap
is only because of the blessing of being in U!

i startled my mind
i shook my head
i slapped my thought
O God , this day is screaming
my heart futile
this land not occupying my pregnant soul in its womb,
let it be fertile!!


see me through holes
doors are closed
windows broken
grey storm ahead
but y
inside my little room
i am not suffocating
this time is lost
this heart is in pain
this pain no more i belong but
still it aches and aches!!


repeat those mistakes
this world is **** busy in noticing
**** the murderers
these hands already ******
my throat choking
y clouds dnt seem to weep tday
y heaven has covered its face completely
i am naked but i want a cover of u
a shield of love, an intense love
but
still in my calmness i pray nothing in return!!

The raining week has not passed yet
As if, the sky on a cry
Likewise
My head is bursting
As if pain is on gain...
The momentum has arrived
Blueness all over has taken the stance
As if
The conquerer is mourning over the victory...

She was so deprived, lost, broken and shattered
But it was festive
And she wanted to look beautiful
For all the expensive clothes and jewels;
So she thought of the Love
That never existed in her world
And her heart gleamed so is her eyes;

"She looked the prettiest of all"