I couldnt write about my past 5 days of fear of death and breathlessness
The tears were so many, and the loneliness so heavy
I looked around and i found death
The breaths were not on my side either
I wanted to write
But my hands trembled
And my heart on fast pace
I looked at my kids
They stayed at my isolated room’s door
And said
“ mama are you alright”
The night was terrible
More miserable than the time in grave may be
Neither death comes nor life
And the scary thoughts creep around me maliciously
And with each steps till today i took
They were so slow at pace
That
I forgot when was the last time
I walked this slow!
I looked at the happy faces of my kids
And first time ever
I looked at them with great details
They have grown up
Growing in taste talk and pace
And i realised
Time has flown by
And now this time
Is teaching me all ruthlessly
What have i lost
For what i never fought
Its a day 5
And i look ahead for the bright horizon
My breaths still not i catch
My face still looks miserable
And my walk so timid and low
But i hope
For hope is the only bread in this fear!

The description of contraception
of heads so many,
as those thoughts being liberated
and they fly in air like a solemn free bird;
you know what hurts me the most
being alone? NO
being deceived? again NO
but,
being not alone when u are meant to be alone!!
the introspection of me, the devision in my thoughts
is just too much
so so much,
that i myself is unable to comprehend what i desire
and how i want to lay down in the heat of sunrise!!
the monologue of this book
is unsaid, yet so descriptive
that the whole syllabi is meaningless...
the meaning of words
sometimes dont describe the actual pain
you know that?
its the feature of the speaker, that speaks the volume!!
the glory of emancipation from this world
and attaching to the subconscious valley
have u ever tasted what it feels like?
it the bitter of all, but drench u the most!!
this is the glorification of my being
of my solitude of thoughts
and the affect of its ecstasy
that is on and beyond the heavens !!

Fascination is such an illusional and fine category of our mind, where when it leads to the death, its joyful, less painful and more of an adventure!!

Oh sentiments, a turmoil of judgement, likewise you have burdened me so much that futile it is the fertility of thoughts.

Junction of words and abusement are combination of those languages, that once was spoken in times of ******. I capitalised his name ,for the word had an enormous affect on the world history.

Structural imagination of something into an empire, O GOD, u know only better, i felt like U at that moment!

I was so alone when i turn into GOD all by myself. Where is that shoulder to lean on, someone should be there above me to handle all the chaos i created . Its was exhausting and i gave up!!

HIRAMALIK

I know he loves me
So i let him spank me, humiliate me
O heart
With such disdain u said
" so go"
When i said
I am just goin to the door
With the sound of disgust
And i left without any goodbyes.
O that recklessness in me
U see me abusive mouth-ed
Cursing swearing everywhere
U find me pathetic in bed or near door, inside or outside
Or even while passing by
That makes you dream of throwing  ur insanity on me,
On me providing it to u willingly,
But deep down u dnt even know
This cruelty is the byproduct of that void
No love has ever filled in...
And i left , just forever
When with such Disdain, u said
" YOU GO"

She was a restless soul!
But i am not saying that she is not calm.
Though,
She stayed unsettled most of the day, while cooking, washing, cleaning, reading and even  kissing me.
But she always melted like the quiet ,blue pleasant sea when i used to take her in my arms.
As if, it was a desire to borrow that energy from me that was deficient in her.
She was the sucker of Love, like a leech, so desperate to **** all blood till last drop.
Like the Sun, that drink all water and convert land to desert.
But i never got tired of her, i kept on giving her, for she was the light of my Home and this Heart!

محسن ہمارے ساتھ بڑا سانہہ ہوا
ھم رہ گئے ، ھمارا ذمانہ چلا گیا



Not written by me. Copied.

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Main bass saham si jati houn!...