It's a charming little song,
A Christmas hit for "Wings"
So what is it that makes me smile,
When Paul McCartney sings?...

Well, I'm afraid that title,
Once had a different sense,
A guideline used by censors,
Who checked films for offence.

The Mull, on maps of Scotland,
Sticks out at an angle,
That was the legal limit,
An actor's "part" could dangle.

Nothing prepares you
For the loss of freedom.

Months
Or even years
With no appeal.

And it's true what they say
That first night
Feels like hell inside.

Separated from the rest of the world
By barbed wire.

Be careful what you do
Be careful what you say

Each sentence
Seems impossible at first
And even though
You learn to adjust
It's still humiliating.


All that keeps you going
Through the days of pain
And the nights of despair
Is dreaming of that wonderful moment
When you can finally smile again

With straight teeth.

I cheated.
You found out.
We split up.

She cries.
He's angry.
They wish we were still a family.

There's a place in London,
The tourists never see.
A room containing monsters,
Kept under lock and key.

Each one is enormous,
And yet they mean no harm,
So long as we believe in them,
They keep the country calm...

He's playing the harmonica,
Drums and cymbals too,
An accordion between his hands,
Bells upon each shoe.

He entertains the passers-by,
Coins land in his cap,
They gasp to see so many things,
Done by just one chap.

A mother watches, unimpressed,
I think with good cause.
For though she's doing more than him,
She gets no applause.

She came from a tropical island,
Dark skin and darker hair.
In my head, she was Jeanne Duval,
And I was Baudelaire.

I wrote her poetry every day,
To less than rave reviews,
"It's really not my kinda ting",
Apologised my muse.

Suffice to say, it didn't last,
Though it lasted for a time.
And I burned that final sonnet,
That I couldn't get to rhyme.

I was driving to work,
Listening to the morning news.

Not much happening, that Monday.
September 10th, 2001.

But then it was reported
That over in Afghanistan
A man had been assassinated.

Ahmad Shah Massoud
A resistance leader
Fighting the Taliban.

I didn't know who he was.
I didn't know why he'd been killed.
I didn't know what it meant.

But

Around the world
Some people
Important people
Were getting very worried indeed.

And then
The following day

Nineteen men
Took their seats.

When she first moved in with the popular girl,
She hoped they'd like her as well.
But the visitors all ignore her,
And her days are a lonely hell.

They found her attractive.
A young woman who enjoyed life to the full.
She was fun to be around.

Then they found her more withdrawn.
Something had happened.
But she wouldn't say what it was.

And then they found her.
Alone on the sofa.
With the TV still on.

Three years after she'd died.

I don't like parties.
I generally avoid them.
But one night
I allow myself to get dragged along
To one such gathering
Against my better judgement.

But that's not my greatest fear.

At the party
The drink is flowing
And people start to do stupid things.
Lots of goofing around
Photographs are taken
Including one of me
With a bra draped over my head
And two cocktail sausages
Stuck up my nose.

But that's not my greatest fear.

After the party
I stagger home
Drunk
And somehow
For reasons which aren't clear
I am abducted
By a group of armed terrorists.

But that's not my greatest fear.

I remain in captivity
For ten years
And during that time
Occasional appeals are made
For my release
And each time I am mentioned on TV
They show the last photo taken of me

...With a bra draped over my head
And two cocktail sausages
Stuck up my nose.

And that,
Ladies and gentlemen,
Is my very greatest fear.

Pushed forward, in successive moves,
Promoted to a Queen.
Abandoned after just nine days
Then killed on Tower Green.

The stiffest drink there's ever been,
Was sipped by Victory's crew.
They say the taste had character,
...And lots of body too.

When I was younger
Much younger
I used to dream of riches
And a chauffeur driven car.

But then I grew up
Fell in love
Raised a family

And they became my gold

Worth more to me
Than anything else.

But occasionally
I'd still think about that car
Just for a moment...

Well,
Look at me now!
Who'd have thought it?

I'm on my way to see them
In a chauffeur driven car

Surrounded by
Their beautiful flowers.

Two bodies couple
For love.
It's a duvet duet.

And then they sleep...

Two bodies compete
For warmth.
It's a duvet duel.

Another city
Another state.

Wherever she goes
It's always the same.

People think that she's really cute
But they feel sorry for her,
All on her own,
And so they try to fix her up.

They think they're doing her a favour
But they're not.

So here she is again.
How many more times
Does she have to endure this?

From the moment she saw this one
She knew they wouldn't hit it off.

It's no use pretending
If the chemistry isn't there
What's she supposed to do?

But that won't stop
The tongues from wagging...

"What is her problem?
Is she playing hard to get?
Is she fussy?
Or could she be..."

No.
It's none of those things.

And one day
People will finally understand
Why she wasn't interested
In any of them

They just weren't her type.

From the upstairs window
She has a wonderful view of him
And she likes what she sees.

She stares intently.
Her heart beats faster
Her mouth opens
And she almost drools
As she considers the possibilities
And imagines all kinds of fun...

But soon
Alas
It is over

And he flies away.

The office printer's broken,
I ring the I.T. guy.
He tells me that he's busy,
But I sense that's a lie.

I have a secret weapon,
A colleague that I know.
I ask her if she'll ring him,
She says she'll have a go.

Suddenly, he's fixing it,
And now, the problem's gone.
This guy's like his equipment,
Won't work unless turned on.

I knew I had to do it
I knew I had to call her
And ask her out.

But I was nervous

And so
To calm myself down
And buld myself up
I went to the fridge
And got myself a beer.


I'm not usually a big drinker
But I gulped it down
Quickly
And it did the trick.

Suddenly
I felt as if I could do anything
And so I picked up the phone
And dialled.

It rang
She answered
And then
My words
All the ones I'd wanted to say
For so long
Just tumbled out.


I'd done it!
I'd actually, finally done it!

But

...She said no.

I'm still not sure why.

Was it my eagerness?
Was it my frankness?

Or,
Could it possibly have been
My hiccups?

The final checks have all been made
Of equipment and supplies.
But now the fateful time has come
For saying our goodbyes.

Your guides will help you reach the top,
So listen to what they say,
And always look out for others,
That you meet along the way.

As you set off on the first leg,
I hope that all goes well,
And I'll be waiting here for you,
When teacher rings the bell.

I cannot deny
That coming here
Makes me feel better

And I'm not the only one.

As I look around
I can see friends,
Neighbours,
The whole community
Brought together
By the shared belief
In an afterlife.

But is that the only reason
That we come?

Could there also be
A little bit of guilt?

Or do we just fear
The judgement of others?

Ultimately
I suppose it really is
A question of faith

Because none of us
Really know for sure

Whether any of it
Actually gets recycled.

Sparks fly
In the heat.

Repeated
Heavy blows
Carefully aimed.


Unseen
Beneath the surface
A change is taking place.

Slowly
But surely
Strength is increasing.

Until
Suddenly


She strikes back.
And kills him.

Unseen personalities
Who shared my younger days.
Hated by my parents,
Who hoped it was a phase.

From first thing in the morning,
Then after school, till late,
My friends were always there for me
At ninety five point eight.

To the untrained eye,
You are just another American.

Going about your business,
Nothing special.

But,

When you step into a booth
You are transformed.

And now you have
Within your grasp

A Super Power!

Which can shape the world...

So please,
When the time comes,
Don't forget to vote.

There's a lovely little place, in Scunthorpe,
I go whenever I can.
I try to visit it every day,
As does many a man.

Such wonderful times I've had there,
Memories I won't forget,
There's always something fun to do,
Particularly when it's wet.

It saddens me to think
How desperate you feel right now.

You can't see a future
And nobody seems to understand.

Well I know you don't want to hear this
But I'm begging you

PLEASE GIVE LIFE A CHANCE.

Because, trust me,
Things are going to get better
And I can't let you throw it all away
And miss the wonderful times that lie ahead.


But why should you listen to me?

After all,
Who the hell am I?

A concerned friend,
With lots to say
But no time to listen?

A well-meaning do-gooder,
With plenty of platitudes
But no real answers?

No.

I'm somebody who knows
Exactly what you're going through
And I am counting on you
To step back from the brink


For I am your future self.

The test is a precaution
The doctor thinks it wise.
Is there something that he knows?
I try to read his eyes.

Fourteen days of agony,
The world's not like before,
Things that used to bother me
Don't matter any more.

I think of what might happen.
Could I be near the end?
Don't want to scare my loved ones,
And so I just pretend.

Now the fateful time has come,
The call is very brief,
My test results are negative.
I shed tears of relief.

When they tell me the story is relevant to me
I deny it...

Once I've finished the egg, I tear up the foil
Into pieces of silver...

And after I've licked the last traces from my fingers
I wash my hands...

He tries to think of cultured things,
Le loves Brecht, Braque and Bruch.
But when a buxom lady's there,
He cannot help but look.

She opens her mouth
And the words tumble out
In a strange language.

She can't control
The incessant voices
Inside her head
Telling her to say things
Whether she wants to or not.

People have always told her
It's a rare gift.

But as time passes
It feels more like a curse

Until one day
She decides
She can't take it anymore
And walks out

Leaving silence
In their headphones.

It's a tragic story.
Once,
They were so close
But now
They couldn't be more distant.

I suppose they were destined to meet up
Kept bumping into each other
(So many bars in such a small place)

These days,
It wouldn't be a problem
But, back then,
It was complicated.

So,
Sadly,
They went their separate ways.

But what's so strange
Is that they're still apart.

Why don't they get back together?

Too late now.
What's done is done.

So there they sit,
Pining for each other.

Getting depressed,
But never making a scene,

Just minding their Ps and Qs.

A single neutron makes a big difference.
It slows things down
And that's why heavy water is special.

A single team made a big difference.
It slowed them down
And that's why the raid was special.

It was a lie.

But it made me feel
Slightly better about my life

As I stood there
Alone

Waiting for the ping.

Separate at first,
They came together.

Moving slowly
In black and white
Cool as ice...

But then they began to run
And now
They bleed into one another.

Yet, despite all that has happened
(And the absence of pink),
White still resists the smears
Against orange.

Until
All becomes clear
With the final revelation

Of true colours.

There's an island paradise,
Lined with English trees,
Fountains splash into the air,
Bushes hum with bees.

Children play upon the grass,
Ducks join in their game,
And there upon a wooden bench,
Are two dates and a name.

I don't know your story,
Or why you passed away,
I'm just sad you had to go,
Before your thirteenth day.

He used to enjoy it when they came round.
Surrounded by his children,
And later, theirs.

But the visits became less frequent
And eventually, stopped.

So now he is all alone.
And his name has been weathered away.

There's nothing wrong with enjoying a drink
With your friends
On a summer's day.

But frankly,
I think you've had enough.

And now
You're starting to make a fool of yourself.

Falling down,
Rolling around on the ground,
And when you finally get up
You haven't got a clue where you're going.

I was about to suggest
That you should go home.

But on second thoughts
I think it might be safer
If you sobered up first

Or you might end up
Permanently
Legless.

He hadn't really noticed her before.
She was a friend
But that was all.

Until one night
Out of the blue
He had a very vivid dream
All about her.

And in that dream
The pair of them
Did EVERYTHING

Every possible way
...Several times.
It was amazing!


And ever since then
He hasn't been able to look her in the eye

For fear of blushing.

I chose her an engagement ring,
From the aisle near pick n' mix.
She said no.
And that's a blow.
Especially when you're six.

I still remember that first time you stayed over.
After you'd left
I found your jumper on a chair.

I held it up to my face
And inhaled your perfume

With eyes closed.