Inside me there is a beast clawing
Its bloodied talons are sharpened on my bones
Gently tearing through every fiber of sinew I have
Each direction I try to run I am met only with conflict
All the walls around me are thick with rebar jagged
The room I am trapped in is flooding
I cannot breathe
I cannot see
My chest is full of fire and the beast is thriving
Excited by the torment I inflict on myself
Two lives, two dreams, unattainable
Unsustainable
The war drum pounds around my heart
I dig deeper, the dirt caked into my bleeding nails
Missiles fly overhead, deafening laughter
Never will I win in the looping soundtrack of what if

I want to fall in love
Deep and passionate and sparkly
I want to feel that high again
And I'm terrified I'll be chasing it the rest of my life

Can a heart break when it's already shattered?
Is that why this pain is different

I crave the kind of love
They write books about
The kind that Hallmark movies are made of
The kind that feels everlasting
Permanent
Electric

Heat rolled through her body
Like the flames that devoured her family
As she kissed a man
Who could be her demise

And just when I've forgotten the hurt
I see the one photo we have together
And I shatter all over again

Water park waves rush up my strawberry legs
My too flabby stomach pudges out over my swimsuit
My big ole ***** are spilling out the sides
The chlorine is eating at my hair dye
And I of course forgot to wear waterproof makeup so my acne is all too visible
But surprisingly I don't care
For the first time in a long time these aren't the thoughts that consume me
Sure they come, but they go just as fast
Because I'm having a blast and I feel loved
I feel completely embraced by the sunshine
The rays seem to be radiating from my imperfect body
I feel at peace and in love
And I realize I am