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;
cosmos May 2019
;
the meaning
resonates with
me more and more
each day

a daily reminder
that I have chosen
to keep moving
forward and yes
I will have days
where I want to
lapse and revert
back to that
dark place, but

I'm choosing me
and moving forward
the best way I know
how; with my head
held high and my
spirits even higher
Lots of things have happened within a year and I lost myself. Finding it harder and harder each day to figure out who I am and what that means to me. Bonds that I've grown with friends have become fragile in the process, but to get to where I need to be it will be worth it. Keeping myself together is all that matters. Call me selfish if you want it doesn't bother me because it's needed.
cosmos Dec 2019
**** your feelings
Does your feelings matter more than mine?
Is that all you can think about?
Are your feelings on high volume,
Drowning out the way I feel?
**** your feelings
Because it seems that’s all you care about
Making you feel sorry for me?
Ha, that’s what you said right?
How can I make you feel something
When you’re too focused on your own feelings
**** your feelings
cosmos Apr 2019
A beautiful day with beautiful people
was just the thing I needed to be at peace.
Peace, something that was short yet needed
I appreciated it and it made me happy.
Grateful for the day and
I hope to have more of these in the future.
cosmos May 2019
Lost and confused by who I am supposed to be,
grasping straws and still in search of this uncertainty.
Searching for all the answers to my unasked questions.
No luck in finding who I'm supposed to be or who I was.
Did I travel the path unknown willingly
or did my emotions blindly misled me?
How can I conquer this fear and uncertainty?
I'm tired of wearing this cracked mask.
My emotions are getting the best of me,
yet still I continue wearing this mask.
Pretending that my fears aren't yapping at me
constantly nagging me to let go and let someone in.
I'm sorry it's too dark in here to let you in
this cold, dreary black abyss.
cosmos Apr 2019
Your eyes caress me oh so gently
it always leaves me speechless.
I never knew someone could look at me the way you do.
cosmos Apr 2019
I can finally admit that you love me more.
Why now? Because I finally opened my eyes.
I opened my eyes to see yours meet mine.
All I could see was complete adoration
and it helped me realize the truth.
Your love is greater than my own.
cosmos Jun 2019
goodbye my second love
what we had was great,
but if we were both being
honest it wasn't supposed
to happen. I'm sorry if
I hurt you or made your
view of this world worse
that was never my intention

It's too late for redemption
but know that my feelings
were sincere and my love
was pure but my intentions
were never to hurt you.
goodbye, my second love.
cosmos Sep 2019
Hello again
to all of my friends
this is a note for you
and it's not meant to be rude
I am not sorry for the things
we have been through
I am not sorry for
moving on, but
I am sorry that we can't
move on as friends
cosmos Dec 2019
My second Christmas without you
Never knew or understood how holidays
Make you feel the most lonely
Until I was forced to spend
my holidays without you
It’s no wonder I haven’t been
In the holiday spirits
Feeling more and more like the grinch
Developing a better understanding
Of his feelings now that I know
Holidays **** especially when
You’re missing a loved one
cosmos Nov 2019
was it my pride that prevented me from going to you?
was it the heartache I felt thereafter?
or was it the knife I couldn't pull out from my back?!
who knows? I can no longer remember
my selective memory has given me release.
release from all the pain that I carried with me
cosmos Oct 2019
one day I would like to be okay
I wake up wishing it would be today
one day I would like to be okay
every morning is a struggle to face the day
one day I would like to be okay
each day there's a lie I tell myself
one day I would like to be okay
I just don't think that will be today
cosmos Oct 2019
under so much stress
the pressure is just too much
so many expectations to face
why can't I just be me
an unapologetic version of what you portray me to be
let me be me
an indecisive individual who likes to just be
an individual who is complicated and loving
Facing the challenge of the expectations set on me. Trying to live up to the point of view that has been pushed on me. Can't I just be? It's too much pressure for little ole me.
cosmos Mar 2019
"You have your whole life ahead of you."
Never knew that one sentence
could hold so much weight.
Crushing weight that makes me crumble
and struggle to face the day.
Knowing underneath that sentence
lies expectations for what I can accomplish.
The pressure is on and it's getting hot in
this enclosed space called expectations.
cosmos Nov 2019
"Toxicity love language," you say
ha, I don't think the two mix
do the way I talk hurt your feelings?
or are you too sensitive to understand?
either way, it doesn't matter
I'm gonna say whatever I want
it's up to you how that makes you feel
I'm just being honest

don't cross that line!
you'll regret it soon after
you shouldn't enter places
you're not welcomed
I can't control my actions
or the "toxicity love language"
you claim I express
this side of the room was not meant
for you - I don't want your affection
cosmos Mar 2019
I have this thing with the sky
it's a pretty intimate relationship.
It helps me plan my day and
every morning we play peekaboo.
The first time I realized our relationship
it was bittersweet.
It started off sunny and then it ******* rained!
meh
cosmos Mar 2019
meh
Today I feel alright
even though preparing
for the day was a fight.
cosmos Mar 2019
Hypnotizing eyes
leading me to my demise
but still I follow
because I'm blinded.
Blinded by love, lust and fear
it's comical really.
Never understanding my feelings
yet wanting to express something
just to make you stay
and take a second look at me.
It saddens me knowing
there's nothing I can do
for you to embrace me.
So still I hide even though all I want
is for you to notice me.
cosmos Jun 2019
a breath of fresh air
mixed with the intoxicating
scent of your cologne
that entices me oh so painstakingly
God these pheromones!

as I breathe in
something animalistic
awakens within me
that drives my mind ballistic
God these pheromones!
cosmos Mar 2019
Some days I wake up with purpose
the purpose to do something different.
Different than the day before,
but I get so stuck in this endless routine.
I call this routine comfort.
cosmos May 2019
don't look at
me like that

the eyes of adoration
weigh so heavily
on my mind

when you look
at me don't compare
yourself with I
or tear yourself
down because
you think I have
it all together

look pass my facade
and see me for who
I truly am
a lost, tired and scared
girl who is still
figuring out her life

embrace me like
a warm blank on
a cold winter night
sipping hot cocoa
to warm my insides
and wake my mind
from the dark places
within that wants
to take me under

know that it is I
who should be
looking to you
in admiration
and that you lack
nothing
cosmos Apr 2019
What am I doing with my life?
Where am I going in life?
Nowadays failure seems closer
and it's scary to face.
What am I doing with my life?
Where am I going in life?
I search for answers a lot lately
and it frustrates me.
This uncertainty!
Yet, the questions still remain.
What am I doing with my life?
Where am I going in life?
cosmos May 2019
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I hate shedding impromptu tears
but tears don't make you weak
so why do I still have trouble letting them fall?
It's infuriating to be in this low place.
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
my frustrations are at an all time high.
I'm fed up with this place,
the only person who visits is my subconscious
and she's a ***** that constantly holds me back.

— The End —