My cell door seems tighter than before
The weak hinges mocking me with their glittering faces and beautiful posture.

Even the ceiling that was once dull and brown seems so pristine and glowing or is my misery lying to my eyes?

The blankets I have slept on for a dozen years are cold and wet and yet I don't know what bothers me more,the stench that stings my eyes or the fact you are not here to make it seem like rose beds.

The warden could not walk before,his legs broken or was that his heart?he looked at me with grief most days and cried others..now that you are gone it feels as though he laughs while his dim eyes look at me,his smiles as if mocking my loneliness.

Finally the little bird that used to sit on the tree..far off with bright blue feathers yet with an ugly beak came to me,its eyes glowing with mischief a song on its tongue, telling me it knew you were gone and I had to start counting down the days when my legs would give,my soul would rip and my love would fade.so I took it in my hands quietly caressing rhise feathers and snapped its neck. For no creature could understand how lost beingg without you made me

I look down with my tear stained face
Do I walk away and let you be
Or do I dig with my fingers,dig a grave to lay beside you my dear and wrap your bony fingers in my icy ones
Or do I leave you be my darling?do I let you sleep?even though the night will settle upon my flesh and eat me like acid once I step aside and let you be covered.
The dirt will be the lucky one..it will be able to touch you for eternity,at first your flesh..dotted with freckles and uncertinity,and your lips as they have dried with your secrets.
Then it would carress your finebones,bones no other has touched except God when he molded you effortlessly and dropped you in my lap
However now my lap has grown tired and weak,you do not sit on it anymore.You do not exist

Its almost Christmas and time for snow
I just hope my scars do not show

When the trees have popsicles in their hands
And pure white covers all the lands

When golden sparks are dotted in their eyes
With cheer and laughter and surprise

Its almost Christmas,time to shine
Grab the pie and grab the wine

When music plays and all shall eat
When they move their hips and move their feet

Its almost Christmas for all of us to share
So call our names and we'll be near

When we sing and we dance
When we live like its our last chance

Its almost christmas do not forget
To be nice so your wishes are met

Those drunken nights
Spent on the streets
Those drunken nights
With tired feet

Those drunken nights
Spent with those bottles
Those drunken nights
Craving warm cuddles

Those drunken nights
Talking with your demons
Those drunken night falling asleep for eaons

Those drunken nights
When all seems ****
When you die more than you should

i honestly never understood how they can say you cannot breathe without someone.Oh you can breathe but the point will be that the breathing will be so painful you may start to wish you lost that ability.Because it will feel like a thousand universes are sitting on your chest yet your eyes are shut too tight to see their beauty,and you are okay with that.And maybe that is where the danger really begins,when you are content with seeing gray,blacks and white and you have put a ban on the colour spectrum threating to rip reds and blow up yellows.Then mountains begin to make homes in your head and their peaks begin to snow on your heart that had already forgotten what a warm ribcage felt like.The stars at that moment that had forged within your eyes over the months start to die out all at once and you are left standing alone in the dark once more,clutching unto the air as though it is a banister that can save you as your knees give in.Finally,finally every part of you gives and you are still awake as the weeds begin to grow on each part of you that their touch always brought to life.

The dark is suffocating,it is pressing down on me and as I reach over to the side of my bed all my fingers meet are stripped sheetsand old blankets.

Yet when the morning light pulls in as though it knows I will need comfort from the impending disappointment,I reach over again calling out to a haven,my haven that I hope will be there in dark brown hair and hooded eyes..I find emptyness and fall back asleep

I wake at noon..my legs all tired and begging to be carried,yet I know the only one who would wish to take this ebony skin is far across saving galaxies and aliens that will never understand.

As the shower touches my body,images flash before my eyes my eyes that have grown used to being tired but still cry at the depravation.The images linger as the water dances across my scars and my back and it does not feel like liquid over my body it feels like you

If the noose was around my neck and not his
If the blade was in my hands and hers
If the pills where down my throat and not theirs
My face would still not be on the news
My name would still not be sung
My memory would be wiped off like last Octobers dust