all I ever wanted was to sit down with you, have a drink or two and time to tell you I'll be alright

When you see that star, shining so bright, know it's me, telling you, tonight,

I'm alright now
It's time to let go

In the stars, there are no scars
Just me, shining bright
like I was ever meant to

I'll walk towards you in stilletos
Naked as the day I was born
and fold myself across you
anticipating as the day is long

I'll bend my knees upon carpet
as decadent as your punishment
and hold my breath until blue
waiting for your commencement

Waiting for your roaming hand
to just simply stop it's caressing
anticipating that sharp sting
upon flesh so eager for addressing

Up and down the fingers splayed
beginning the real torture
wiggling brings a sharp reprise
and a whispered
what have I taught you?

There is no escape, essentially,
as you bend so enticingly
across my knee there is no escape
from me

and crack across my buttocks
brings pleasure to both of us
and an unspoken entreaty,
hips raised in motion
please...
More for me

when you speak
a tiny little spark
erupts into flame
a mute scream is not seen
and pain is not plain, but
words are an aphrodisiac
to a weakened state of mind
little tiny bubbles of pleasure
fizzing in sizzling veins
leaving all the troubles behind
talk like there is no tomorrow
you must say all that you think
chatter non stop
and the world will pop
like little thought bubbles
floating on a raging stream
cry like your heart is dying
as it sits in the hand of a lover
beating it's last
for it stood fast
before it knew it was over
scream like it hurts,
like it lusts
like it will never be the same
scream like pleasure finally
became pain, then scream once again
when you once again
become sane, if it still hurts
scream until your insane

*do it all, even if it hurts
do not dispute
never, ever become mute

some mate for life
some spawn prolifically
in a river of destiny
some drop their seed
on a passerby
never to return,
progeny never asks
why?
some whelp upon a pack
some just like to clone
some eternally are broken
most are left alone
after the act
there is no pact
or written dictates
we are all different creatures
all with similar animal traits

now just an oil slick
on the road you took
South

just a bare scraping
on your toast
in the morning
avoiding
Cholesterol levels
from invading
your mouth

just a small piece
of tissue paper
upon your chin
because the cut
bled...
           RED

but not enough
to waste
a whole square
of toilet paper
that might have been
useful
for your overloaded
*******

Where all this **** begins

and ends

*spread so thin
only able to dab
at the blood spilt,
unable to wipe
the crap from
your chin

It was just three tiny words
that wreaked havoc such as
time immemorial seemed to have forgot
Innocuously sitting inside a dictionary
You pusillanimous pile of infected snot

There is no tampering with a raging universe
while trying to coerce a slippery fish
into a cage, such as a raging comet
But I was caught upon your fishing hook
You gelatinous mass of shark infested whale *****

Oh, I know, I wriggled a bit, I flipped
I flopped, but I was just kissing the hook
But you knew
You knew!
You heaving bucket of roadkill stew

Just three words!

You could have flung them at me
as you walked on down the road
You string of demon spittle
hacked upon the ground
then licked up by a toad

I’m going out...

Well, my friend
Not the three words I was looking for
Those words just soured on your breath
like rancid three day old meat
caught in teeth that are already bad

I KNOW WHERE SHE LIVES
(I whispered)

Then, I got really mad…
Jan 5

Of course I fit!!!

I've jumped up and down
so hard to be just a part
of your rounded off society

but I fit, you see!

My squared off edges
bit into your rounded fat ***
but clearly, I fit
albeit, not perfectly

but I sit halfway
in the middle
it's an uncomfortable fit
but

**I fit, ******!

Have your ever stood on the edge
And wondered?
What does the Black feel like?
Is it that soft brush against your skin?
Which raises the hackles?
Or would it cling like tar
Hot and sticky
Seeping into your pores and
Down to your very soul
Solidly encasing it in stone.
What does it taste like?
Does it brush against your lips
A whisper, a kiss?
Or does it flow down your throat
Choking, clogging, no air.
And what smell would it have?
Would it be a gentle reminder
Of a distant memory, buried deep
Or would it slam into your senses
Like a wind carrying the scent
Of Long Forgotten memories
That wound the heart.
If I took that step, from the edge
Would the Black softly receive me
Or burn forever, relentlessly?
Would it gently beckon me or
Would it reach out its long bony fingers and
Seize me
With no choice?
Have you ever wondered?

This is not so much a poem. This is more a revealing of a high that comes from taking the liars down. This is not about reposting ones own work under multiple accounts (I don't understand it and I don't get it but you can't steal from yourself...) This is a story of being able to show ones true character by pointing out that what they write, how they bask in the muted sunlight of another's ignorance to their thievery, just leaves them looking pale!*

You see me as a troublemaker
storming your made up works
just trying to influence your friends
that your not that kind of girl
You see me as an interloper
just jealous of your success
Little Darlin' I don't care for you
except for exposing your lying cheating ***
Stop garnering your self esteem
upon backs that are already broke
Stop making people believe
you suffered what you supposedly wrote
Honestly! If you are impressed
and feel heart whole, then simply,
Say thank you, I feel what you wrote
I feel you wrote it for me

Just don't steal their words
and let everyone think
You're a master poet/ess
All you need to do
is
link...

here, maybe
they are black
on white
just an outline
of what may be
but stars
are not silhouettes
not here,
not to me
they become 3 dimensional
with every breath
I take
tripping through
the Universe
not every Star will make
me want to breathe
another breath
tip toeing amongst
Poppy fields
I rest
breathing toxic waste
but wait..
the beauty of
your written words
makes me wait
I sit in a field
of unfettered pleasure
getting high
on monochromic doom
Until
you storm the room
and make me see
Shooting stars
treasured art
a part of the Galaxy
blessed you be
from the start
shooting across
my night sky
*its all I ask

said the Spider to the Fly

tonight you'll be my dinner

said the Fly to the Spider

so who here is the winner?

said the Spider to the Fly

well, that would be me

said the Fly to the Spider

sorry to leave you hungry

*breaking from the Spiders web
to fly free

even while you make me

*****

as you lay me

To all the ungrateful ******
that felt me up on the back seat
in some unknown parking lot
because you wouldn't spring
for a real date
Perhaps your waiting for me
to bled my angst onto this page
Pffft
Don't wait!
If you've decimated me
into tiny parts
where slot A no longer fits
for your tiny part B
you don't deserve to be carried,
vaunted upon a poetic chaise
it's a pathetic waste
of my Joie de vivre
I can't read another word
of You were my one and only
until you left me
so I'm just going to keep
writing about
how good I was for him
and how he doesn't deserve me
Because He doesn't care!
He's down and *****
on the back seat
in another unknown parking lot
with another faceless name
for him, it's freaking hot
So stop spilling your life's blood
upon an empty page
Pick up, move on
Discover life after ungrateful ******
Write something that will live longer
than just your age

Standing by, about 10pm
a stranger stood next to me
asked me, from sideways lips
"Did you ever expect this is where we would meet?"
"Nope" I said to the stranger by my side
"I expected no one to come along"
Not interested in a conversation
uncaring where others belong
"Do you think there may be a reason?"
the stranger asks with a sigh
"Nope, not even interested"
as the trains arrival caught my eye
"Oh there's a purpose for my being here"
the stranger tenses muscles that flex and pulse
The train drew near and out of fear
I begged the stranger to get lost
"Leave me alone, I'm going home"
and prepare to depart for the train
that had not quite arrived at the station
no stranger would I permit me to detain
A stranger on a platform held out his hand
and stopped me from stepping onto the tracks
His last words to me as I sprawled on the platform...
"Some actions performed can never be taken back"

I found a dollar
I picked it up
at lunch
at the Pub
I feed it to the
Pokie Machines
(I never use my own money)

I won another dollar

So I kept pressing
the flashing button
Not understanding
the symbols falling
as it added
more and more
dollars to the ***

After a while
it had reached ten dollars

(to me that's a lot)

Hit Collect
Listen to gold hit tin
scooped them up
cashed them in

Dropped them
into my handbag
Only nine coins tinkled
one had made

it's own escape

Looked back at Goliath
a little old lady
had paused
Bent lower (than ever)
plucked at sticky carpet
came up with one dollar
I smiled
because
it was
the dollar
I picked up
Salute to old Lady
$100 now in her pocket

Both our days made

Better by a dollar ;)

it can be over faster
than an 8 second rodeo rider
has to tighten his nuts
against the fall

man and woman
woman and man
man and man
woman and woman

it doesn't matter who falls for who
Stupid love
is indiscriminate
It's naked to any and all

Stupid words!
They claw
at my insides
They completely
fog my brain
Stupid words!
they spill my secrets
when, inside
they should have
remained
Stupid words!
they have no thought
besides becoming
known
Stupid words!
that clog my throat
inside an empty world,
they are sown
Stupid words!
I hate you!
Even as I leave them
drip dying in the breeze
Stupid words!
I love you!
Even though
No one
Believes

So many small things occupy my mind

There are major revelations,
some minor hesitations and
some absolute truths
that just seem to get my back up
but only one truth.
It seems to circle around
and round
inside my tiny little brain
to come about to smack me
up the back of my head
trying to insinuate a sensibility
that I will always lack.

I heard the other day that you died.

It wasn't because fate intervened,

it wasn't the wrong place or wrong time...

You called the end to yourself...

The sadness I felt was not my pain at your demise
It was your pain, your ultimate decision
to decide that you were no longer worthy
to live, with a smile on your face, but with death
in your eyes.
You decided you could no longer live
beneath your disguise.

And we all thought it was ok that you went that way...

It was appropriate that you went out
in a blaze... be it of glory or opportunity
no matter how hard we tried to be disgusted
you, my friend, went your way.

So alright!

I know you didn't feel any pain
because you got what you wanted,
an end to the insurmountable mountains
less steps to climb, less breaths to take,
less mistakes to make, less truths to find

But tell me...

As you stand there in front of me, at the end of my bath
and watch me take the blade and make the cut,
do you laugh?
Do you mock me for my efforts to leave this world
of pain, do you pity me for my pretense or could you
sit for a moment and let me explain?

Could you sit for a moment and explain it to me?*

Because I don't want to be here, but I don't want to be there.
I don't think you are there,
to greet me
I don't think there would be anyone on the other side,
to meet me.
There would be no one to say
"Hey... welcome?"

There would be no looking beyond the scars,
there would be no hanging around the stars
shining brightly upon all that was left.
There would just be anger and unjustified angst
and a small amount of amusement, just enough
to leave the bereaved that little less bereft.

I think about you everyday, and the way you died
I think about it everyday and even though I tried
I've never been able to to be happy for you
because you were able to escape
I've always been angry with you
that you regretted all you gave
your wounds where so raw and your actions
never, ever seemed to take shape

I share your same helplessness but I can't cut
any deeper because I see your eyes in your
Son and Daughter

and in them I see you
in them I see Love
in them I see me
and what I can give

and I know that I can survive the pain
if I look into their eyes,
which beg me to live!

Sitting in bath water gone cold
like a body that has expelled a child
There is no life left in the womb
but the outer shell will live for a while

So, thank you for your visit
I'll be ok, *I'm alright
I'm stronger than emotions
that want to strangle me in the night

I know you died a painful death,
in the end you made it all wrong
please don't dance upon my empty grave
I think, just this one time
where you were weak
I'll be strong

In the silence of the raindrops
as we lay together on the tide
I'm affected by the thunder
as you slumber by my side
I want to reach out to you
and let the lightening arc
I want to throw my body
over you, to shelter you
from the dark
I want to let the rainfall
be the rhythm that enhances
I want to let the thunder whisper
the intricacies of our dances
I want to let the lightening speak
of our most profound intimacies
I want this unusual occurrence
to be about just you and me

as you rise, the East
awakes at dawn, my night time
spawns new horizons

So I stumbled upon HP one day,
not really, I fell face first
with a glass of wine in my hand
giggling like a school girl
except that uniform hadn't fit in
30 years so it was kinda more like
a 50 year old stripper pretending
she can actually still giggle without crying.
I made a few friends, well, I say friends but we were all ******
working the same lame dead corner

Of course, some of us went on to marry well and some just felt they
could no longer worship a vengeful
God and probably stuck a knitting
needle in their eye, or something.
I'm not going to name names here!

Let's just say one went onto fame,
self publishing was cool way before
YOU ever thought of it and another
just yanked the chain around their neck so hard you never even heard
their spine crack and then one dear
friend got ganked by their own self importance.

Trust me *******!!! THAT is a loaded gun.

But this is all Ancient History to the
those that were born during the
I Love Myself with Hate or
I Cut Myself with Love era.
I'm talking about friendships
that fossilise over time
creating deeper bonds than
I love you, no, I love you, no I love you times

So, watching all those that couldn't hack the pace of the streets died
one by one.
Marriage, Suicide, Shot in the Foot
until the brain bleed out,
they all fell like over bloated flies
gorging on the rancid meat left lying around.
A few survived the sickness by purging,
You know, when you stick your fingers down your throat and expel the garbage from within except,
that kind of concept can be deadly
when you have blood red ****** nails...
The remaining 'Oh Heavenly Father, why do you forsake me' ones
retreated to the HP Elysium Fields, passing on their wisdom to a baby kind that will never care about anything but their own grandiose style of taking a dump in the wilds of cyberspace.

So ****** days sadly came to an end at the fork in the road,
yes peeps, pun intended
until one day, I met a guy that ran me over,
literally hit me with a car and left me
a ****** mess, stood over me and said
"How much ***** and you better deduct dollars for the dent in my front fender"
As I chewed on my blood red ****** nails and spat teeth into the street
I offered him a hand and he said
I'll take that and your mouth and
let's see what you can do with
that heartbeat
We drove to the Motel Dive
and I asked him if he knew where all the other hookers had gone from the same lame corner where we all carved our own slices of heaven and he threw me down to the ground and ripped off his shirt.
Upon his flesh was carved each of those names that I had once kicked up heels with, ****** around and laid under the street lamp with,
watching all the little preppies in their pretend Oldsmobiles cruise by without a single worry on their shoulders except for the boulder sized chips and
their own inadequacies riding shotgun on their lips.
The one HP friend that threw me to the ground and carved my name upon their flesh is also the one who resurrected me.
But I think he may have killed all the other ones but, they were dead before they knew it!
But hey!
Hell is where all your friends are right?

Jump!
They cackle
with maniacal glee
Jump! Jump! Jump!
Flee, be free
Staring into the black
toes curled over the edge
tiny pebbles falling,
not landing,
a not so safe ledge
You lift one foot
and hesitate
an arm slips gently
around your waist
a shaking palm
against your chest
and over your heart
it comes to rest
a warm wet cheek
rests against your back
tears of comfort
that can't attack
A soft voice
breathed into your soul
"If you take one step
you won't go alone
I won't let you go
If you jump, I fall"

Oct 12, 2011

boldly do we stand
next to each other
wearing last seasons colours
but we're holding hands

It doesn't matter

that we couldn't dress
to this years fashion
or hide our blemishes
we dress with passion
we've escaped to our own
private place, a secluded island
where the clothes we've shed
lay as rags, they no longer matter

I stand before you
unadorned by Lace
or Satin, nor Ribbons
just Skin, and Lust
just a body, and face
that adores you
without a trace
of tattered rags
or Princess dress
naked before you
*I look my best

I never intended to be
a writer of poetry
most times it simply
wrote me
alas, now just bleached bones
of a ship sailed too close to shore
a carcass of denial
forevermore

It will come to everyone, at some stage in their life, an instant stoppage of time, where images blur and fade away only to convescale into tight focus stabbing deep with a sharper pain.

That one thought that paints a thousand pictures of silent screams that no one heard. That instant when you knew all the words you spilled are only piling up as a mound of dirt.

A moment of clarity as clear as the centre of a bubble. That one moment in time when you ask yourself...
am I really that unloveable?

that will be the whisper of a small voice inside an empty space. It's the same question you'll ask of the mirror while looking at the same face.

That one inner warning that hits with piercing clarity. It will come to you, rest assured, when your lost and alone and you don't want charity,
you won't want pity or useless platitudes spilling from dead lips that leak poison from inside. You just want one person, just one, to hear what you say and hold your hand and not try to hide.

That one moment in time should not be a reoccurring event,
but when it is, the shock is less, you become just that little more hardened, and less hell bent,
to share your life and your feelings
and your heart.
It really is a lesson that should be learnt from the start.

The best we can do
is simply to remain true
To Ourselves, to Others
To our fathers and mothers

The best we can do

is to look into a mirror
reflections are hard to face
petty hatreds are like wrinkles
they have their own story place

the best we can do

and this last is so true
Is to be one person among so many
because if we try too hard to be another
then we truly are not any....

So quick to flare
A struggle to hold
A battle to contain
Monumental to behold
With just the spark
Of a single word
To a raging inferno
It burns, undeterred
The tinder of hurt
Feeds the hungry flame
It burns out of control
With no sense of shame
It shrieks with a fury
Of unspoken pain
It flays at the flesh
With little disdain
The black pit it leaves
Once burnt its course
Leaves a deep well
For the tears of remorse
To pool in the dark
Then in a lightening flash
The emotion of Anger
Is turned to ash

20/04/2010

Cassie* the Cat and Riley the Rat
knew their love could never be
Cassie knew that he was just a plaything
Riley admired how she could climb a tree

Cassie thought he was too cute
and Riley truly loved that mangy cat
They understood the ups and downs
defying the intermingled species trap

One night while Cassie was prowling the fence
with Riley snuggled atop of her soft fur
Billy the Bat ranged overhead
following them silently, undeterred

Watching Cassie and Riley share their love
being born of the night, Billy wanted that
They’d defied the intermingled species trap
He wanted that for himself, but, who’d love a bat?

Angered by his thoughts that bought about self pity
he sought out the Animal Gods
he told them about Cassie and Riley
Horrified, they sent out the Dogs

Damon Dog was their most elite destroyer
His mission was to ensure that Cassie Cat
would be integrated back into her own species
and he was to just dispose of the rat

Damon silently stalked Cassie and Riley
as they lay tucked together, Damon did pounce
as Riley leapt in front of his mangy cat, to protect
Damon, at that moment, his mission he did renounce

Damon had witnessed their love, and sighing he said
‘It is not possible for you to remain together
Tabby cat, you must return to your own kind and
Rat, you can no longer be with her, EVER!’

Cassie knew from the start their love was doomed
Riley knew without Cassie he’d never be complete
Cassie sighed and returned to her humans
Riley wept as he went back to his garbage heap

Epilogue:

Billy the bat continues to haunt the night
All morose and bordering on Goth
He interfered in the intermingled species trap
and is now married to a Sloth

Across all space and time
Left in silent suspension
From dawning age to endless night
And a never ending comprehension

Wrapped around entire emotions
Holding all in a soft embrace
There is no day there is no night
An entire life in a blank space

The smoldering look, the tiny smile
The gentle sigh upon the breeze
The lingering touch, a strong hand
That holds the world at ease

The yearning for a day in the past
To right all that should not be lost
It tightens to bind and remind, it is
A line that could not be crossed

A shield from the crushing weight
Of a pain that can not be shared
A safe haven in a stormy sea
A cocoon for the ill prepared

Of a burning love, or a missing life
Of a gentle word from a perfect friend
Of a millennium of worth that also found
Where it does begin, it shall also end

from the moment I'm born
to the day I die
the dash between the dates
on my gravestone
is what is important to me
those reading between the lines
don't cry
for me
for you are the dash
the dotted i and crossed t
beginning to end
are the friendships
that became family

From an empty shore where the veil grew thin
Where all life ended and eternity would begin
where love was hate and acceptance was Sin
The world kept turning and I, I would grin

I smiled, I laughed, I cackled with glee
This was us, just you and me
Sitting alone, together, enjoying an absentee
moment of silence in which we couldn’t flee

We told stories that were epics of folk & Lore
Which became legends of old, too hard to ignore
Words bled from the heart, tired and sore
and crying eyes, so broken and raw

But winters ice kept us safe and warm
While mountains watched us as we mourn
we lay at their base so open and torn
waiting for the stinging cold of the dawn

I’ll tell you a secret so full of lies
With a mouth crammed with butterflies
and eyes that seek justice but never tries
to open upon a shrieking soul that cries

While the fire keeps burning
The world keeps turning

I will continue to yearn
for your return

She ran towards the rocky cliff
that bit beneath her feet,
crying for somebody
to give her wings
so she could meet
her one true love, just come ashore
she promised him they'd meet
she flew across the rocky cliff
leaving a ****** trail
beneath her unshod feet

He stood upon the ships prow
praying for her arrival
He'd given up hope of arriving
nearly dead in his survival
Marching upon the broken backs
of bothers that had fallen
he stood upon the ships bow
hearing her sweet voice a calling

She dodged the farmers cart
and weaved amongst the miners
slipping and sliding in the muck
looking lost to the finders
skirting around the grubby children
chasing each other in the street
****** footprints in her trail
her one true love she will meet

Until she falls on cracked ground
and plants her hands in the mire
looking up to the ice cold sky
glimpsing the raining of fire

He saw the glow and felt the heat
of Hells very own righteous fury
far from home, knowing he was beat
but remembering his duty

She stands, this day, upon the cliff
waiting for his ship to sail in
He stands upon the ghostly bow
waiting for her to meet him

she's got a fistful of nothing
with a body full of tattoos

she's got plenty dreams
within empty smiles
and a life
that goes on an and on
for miles and miles

she's got pockets full of regret
in her threadbare veneer
a small smile of regret
beneath her trademark sneer
she's never forget
the tumultuous path
leaving her broken,
but at last
a new cobblestoned walkway
opened beneath her dainty feet
all sins remain unspoken

she's got glitter in her eyelashes
and diamonds on her cheeks
she's got ashes in her mouth
producing siren notes
as she speaks
she's got a lump of coal
in her stocking
and rocks in her shoes
she's got nothing you'd see
she's got nothing to lose

I knew it was wrong
but if I stayed any longer
I would be lost
and my weakness
would just get stronger
So with just a small bag
that was lighter on my back
than the memories I left behind
with all the emotions I lack
I wandered down the road
with my thumb stuck in the air
I hoped that nobody stopped
while I fretted that nobody cared
Mile after mile my feet carried on
and with my heart beat slow
I stopped
just to breathe
as my feet sank into the snow
When the car pulled to a stop
next to me
it could have been yesterday
or tomorrow
I didn’t know
But I was grateful for the ride
but wary of the unknown face
that smiled at me across the miles
no malice could I find a trace
until the question came at me
after Beethoven's Second Symphony
became just a distant memory

My child, why do you run, in disgrace?
What is really your fear?

And as my hands clench the seat belt
trying to stop it from strangling me
and as I count the mile markers
that carve a mountain between you and me
I can't answer the question
that sits so insistently in my ear
The unknown face beside me whispers

*I’m not the stranger here