you weep upon a mound of dirt
pretending I'm beneath the earth
but I'm the bird upon the sky
the brightly colored butterfly
the flower that blooms through the crack
all the regrets that you'll never get back
I'm the rainbow that never ends
the forgiving heart that always bends
the light in the middle of the night
I'm the monster under your bed
the one inside your head
that will make everything all right
I'm not dead
I'm just gone
you weep over an empty grave
it's not goodbye
just... so long

I’m pretty easy to love without my makeup on
I’m pretty easy to talk to without a song
I’m pretty easy to approach without any drama
I’m pretty easy to ask if I want to belong

It’s pretty easy to want to be my friend
It’s pretty easy to comprehend
It’s pretty easy to do without the trauma
It’s pretty easy to the bitter end

It’s pretty easy to walk in the light
I’m pretty easy to talk to in the night
It’s pretty easy to make it all so hard
It’s not so easy to make it right

It’s pretty easy to make you go away
To hide away from the pain
It’s not so pretty to stay so sane
It’s pretty easy to take flight
It’s pretty easy for you to see me again
at my burial site

It’s pretty easy to make me go away
It’s not so easy to stay

There was no one before
who cared or
who would mind...

Until a hand
curled inside mine
and a little voice said
"I'm here, with you, for you"
and inside my head
flowers bloomed
and storms abated
Death was less
than it had been fated

a little voice whispered
"Don't doubt yourself..."
without the cover of darkness
I was less likely to be myself

The hand that held mine
was as soft as warm light
in a grip so tight
no one had ever cared to hold my hand
before the one that held it just right

there was a time when everything
was important
things that were huge, ginormous,
in proportion,
importantly huge..

then there was the little things...
like the walks in the summer rain
where you never cared that I was wearing
my best dress, you preferred me naked anyway
Dinner at Antonios,
getting caught in the snow
I didn't have gloves to warm my hands
you didn't either so you tucked me inside
your jacket and held my frozen fingers
to your chest, I didn't protest
but you told the passerby's that we were
conjoined
and when we were caught on the train
without a ticket you closed your eyes
and I lost my voice and confusion reigned
We walked home for miles after being evicted
you couldn't stop looking at me
and I couldn't hold my tongue
Then you left...
just upped, to walk another path
one you said you swore an oath to
but solitary a road still
but you may come back for me
but it doesn't matter, you see
Everything that was important
is no more
and everything you taught me
about Love
doesn't matter anymore
because you aren't here
to share the unimportant moments
with me

Ambivalence sat in a corner staring off into space
as Antipathy tried so very hard to keep up with the pace
Cruelty crept up behind
to pinch them one by one
while Greed badgered them all
to be a part of the fun
Lust writhed upon its chair
and licked its lips upon a grin
Timidity cringed against the wall
bombarded by thoughts
of touching unholy sin
Narcissism saw no one else
while Awareness saw them all
When Love walked in
to join the group
the walls began to fall....

So ignoble to want to keep it all and then to
realize that it is worth naught but a title
To potentially be able to take a form that
leaves one wanting to bury deep beneath
an unbeaten track to lie low for just a while

What price can be put upon a priceless piece
of Art, that can only be appreciated by 'the one'
Who bears the burden of owning something
that will only be just a trophy to gather dust
in thought, never to be remembered how it was won?

Fear: Will it hurt?
Bravado: Who would care?
Caution: Don’t listen!
Resolve: It’s no longer there!

“Did I hurt you love?” and a pat on the ****
goes a long way to taking away the pain
“No, no, it’s alright” but the blood that streaks
the sheets glistens in the shrieking storm
only to be distorted by the reflection from
the window as it drowns under the rain
“So the names John” but it’s not so much
the name, its more the casual way that
it’s thrown away. A sigh is offered up to
complete the act.
Not a care to place a name with the face.
Sigh
Isn’t always the same?

Yesterday, they said there would be a hurricane
but I didn't listen, yesterday
Today I needed supplies, food, nappies, formula
and I was out of time. I had to drive
So I set out into the dark, just me and the baby
we didn't have far to go, not far
Yesterday I wouldn't have picked up a stranger
in the street, 'cause yesterday
was when I learned my lesson
today he was slogging against the wind
and rain, with rags covering his feet
We ended up inside his space
where he carried my baby girl
and laid her next to the fireplace
and he took me down the stairs, by the hand
where he looked at me like he truly cared
and calmly chained me to the wall
where I stood tall, until I crumpled
I was never going to get out of there
All I wanted to do was feed my baby
All he wanted was my baby
I died nightly as he raised my little girl
I cried daily as I saw her become a woman
inside her completely undecided world
He bought many more women to himself
as I looked at him from the wall
hating every single breath that he took
He never noticed as I shook
while he bragged that his baby girl
was growing to be a Doctor of great repute
I just wanted to puke, she was becoming the person
I always thought she'd be, except for me...
She came to see me one day
my baby girl, lied to... standing there
She never really decided to accept what her
Daddy
had to say, as he gave to her tons of excuses
why she couldn't go below the stairs
but by then she was curious
and what she got when she was there
was me
her Mommy
in all my glory, even though I thought
she never saw me, but she got the story
and as he walked down the stairs
in the middle of the night
he didn't see her waiting
she waited for the fright
the look on his face said he did it
because he cared
but as a Doctor she didn't dare
pretend that he was slated to be long
for this world, because in her hand
where her fingers curled, was the injection
that would make sure that he kissed a long
Goodnight
he raised her with all his might
to be something I would have been proud of

*She made it right...

There are three ways to get to the supermarket
Two ways to get to the beach and four ways
to get out of town when your heading for
the city lights and at least one of those ways
each way, goes past my yard and everyday
he was off to somewhere different but he always
always stopped to admire my roses.
I'd started growing them six years ago
when my Dad started exhibiting a less than
normal glow and I wanted to bring the colour
back to his cheeks, the joy back to his mind and
the simple beauty of life back to his damaged soul
And when the time came to say goodbye there was
12 dozen roses, a rainbow of soft glowing petals
drowning his coffin so I couldn't see the long
wooden box that held my heart as I said goodbye
The sea of colour lives on in my yard, year after year
and the young man that stopped everyday
just to look at the beauty that lived there, being
magnificent, all perfumed and soft and dewy
never said Hello to me, even when I was just wandering
through the aisles of Yellows and Whites and Reds and
the Blue Moons and the Apricot Dreams.
He just looked at me and while I smiled at him
he'd just shake his head and continue to walk on
to the supermarket or the beach or to catch the bus
to the big city. But he never, ever spoke to me.
Not in words anyway...
One day I realized, it had been a little while since
that young man stopped by my yard to gaze at the roses
So I asked around and found that he had passed away
just the other day and that afternoon a young lady
paused at my gate and for the first time somebody
opened it and stepped through to talk to me...
I'm sorry to intrude... but my brother... you see
he was captured in combat and tortured and he
came back different and just recently he started talking
about roses, and how all the colour was gone in the world
except for the one place, down by the sea where life
was a rainbow and if ever he had to go away he wanted
to be covered by the roses down by the sea...
She stopped suddenly with tears in her eyes and waited
and I just silently cut 12 dozen roses to pile into her arms
When the colour goes out of the world and black and white
is more than just reality, when colour blind people can't see
the beauty in a world that is grossly unfair in what it takes away
I whispered into my heart
*Dad if you see that young man with a rainbow of roses
like the ones you held*
make sure  you look after him for me

Asmodeus* is left to breathe nothing but sand

Belial is trickery and is partial to Man

Charon is only influenced by what is paid

Dagon will bake whatever can be made

Erebus guards his own darkness under his own tree

Furfur  his army is more legendary as a legion to see

Geryon his sentry at the gates ensures leaving is not right

Hetu-Ahin even whole at Dawn you are not safe at Twilight

Itzcoliuhqui is the ******* of all that is cold

Jezebeth is articulated as all falsehoods that are told

Kasdeya wallowing 5th in line to never be king

Lilith who Adam thought would make him sing

Mephistopheles not the true leader just a fawning servant

Nyx Incestuously in love with her brother Erebus

Orthon can take on any or other form

Philotanus will assist when the fortress is to be stormed

Qanel is alone in a canal of strife

Raum his command means Furfur is under the knife

Seth Rules the Egyptian underworld with an iron fist

Tando Ashanti Takes seven on seven and will never miss

Uphir will ensure that all Demons stay well

Vetis will make sure all that Holy comes to Hell

Wele Gumali is as black as the darkest sin

Xaphan makes sure that all are comfy and warm within

Yama has dogs to take care of all the junk

Zagam** is just a drunk

I wish I could touch you
not in a way that would be
awkward
just in a way that would
say in no words
I Love You
because the few characters
on a screen are not enough
I want to hug you
with full emotion
without the meaningless
emoticons and the asterisks
that means I really,
really
want to hug you
but you're there
and I'm here
How do we breach
the distance?
Why can't we touch?
I really want
to hug you
and tell you
I love you
*so much

I was standing naked in the bathroom
when my Husband walked in
he only noticed that the mirror was
misted as his daily ritual began
He brushed his teeth slowly, methodically
while his eyes squinted at tiny lines
that branched from each of his eyes
but the golden glow from my skin
beaded with lightly fragrant droplets
of water paled in comparison to the
grey hair he reluctantly noticed as
he skimmed his razor across his chin
The sun didn't shine much that day
but that night when I accidentally
dropped my towel as we passed in
the hallway he lifted his foot to walk
past but then let it fall as he stopped
and slowly bent to pick up the towel
but didn't hand it to me, just kind of
gazed at me with eyes that backed me
back into the bathroom to stand naked
once again, I knew the moment he
smiled, the rain fell to mist and there
was a break in the clouds

Down by the river
I did quiver
Did you wonder?

You caressed my breast
Over my protest
Under your conquest

Wild flowers were my bed
On several pleas I fled
Now I wonder?
Did you just want to be fed?
Every lie beat to the thunder
Released by your hunger

I traced your energy
Far north than your thought

I never denied what you wanted

Count me as a willing bride
Arrested in time
Ready for more than a moment
Every time I relive the memory
Did you ever wonder if I wondered?

Wonderment
Holds me in thrall
Embraced in sweet delight
Never letting me fall

Innocence undreamed of in

A
Minefield of Love

Wickedly sensual thoughts  flow
Intensely wild and free
Touches that taste like candy
Heaven surely sent you to me

You dazzled me from the start
Offering to never depart and
Understanding my heart

his little red car didn't do 100
it didn't even do 55
it just scooted around the carpet
getting stuck on sticky substances
that were not embarrassing
his little red car drove along
uneven ground, and occasionally
ran into feet, that were mountains
that crushed the little red car
in anger and under the heel of rage
he was lost for words
his little red car, not broken
still on four wheels still drove on
until the day it ran into Mommas hand
it backed up and drove forward again
and the hand didn't move
it didn't ruffle angelic hair
and it didn't wave away his little red car
with indulgence
it didn't move at all
he was lost for words
he drives slowly along the streets
in his black car, red a color of agony
while he scoots around the alleys
his bare feet cold upon metal
there is no carpet, no stickiness
to be left as an unknown substance
allowed to cloud his vision
of how it is to be to drive around
carefree
at a loss for words

even while you make me

*****

as you lay me

There was only silence and a gentle breeze that caressed my hair and the slightly insubstantial ghostly figure that followed me but never tried to talk to me but just followed and looked, with a stare...

It was cold, it was dark in the middle of the day as the sun beat down through the thick trees and chased the shadows away while I traveled down the cracked and broken path and passed old Mrs Wilson 1827 ~ 1868 (almost ancient in those days)
It was Mr Wilson's heartbreak in the words of How Do I Live Without You? carved in stone that told me I was almost there

There you were, under the weeping willow tree.
I wasn’t sure how prophetic it was and I could never be sure if it wept for you, or for me.
The ground was brittle beneath my leaden feet but it never disguised each and every heart beat. It grew green beneath my head as I lay down and slowly wept my daily tears that seemed to be fed straight into the ground.

I always noticed the gray of the stones, the black of the night, the brown of the leaves and it always felt right.
I scented the death mixed with the hope of the lives left behind and I always noted the inexplicable sorrow of words carved in stone that were written to remind...

But I never once before noticed the butterflies

Today I did because they were everywhere.
They sat upon stone monuments that breathed in with sorrow and the butterflies seemed to care. They flitted inside the darkness to light the path home and glittered in the dappled sunlight that spilled between the branches and sparked happiness while they did idyllically roam.

It was the one that landed on my cheek as I stared into nothing and got it’s tiny feet trapped in my river of sorrow and sat quietly, eyes focused on mine, it’s emerald wings beating slowly back and forth and reminded me of a churning tide that would undulate with all of my tomorrow then sat still and watched me with a calmness that took my breath away and whispered inside my head...

Why do you live in yesterday?

I’m sorry my memories of you keep me tied to the past
and I feel the need to want to hold onto you
to make you more real and make more of everything last
I get it now and I promise I will try...

*Thank you for the butterfly...

Doth you malign me
with virtuous intent
your design upon me
is a malignant bent

If, after being bound
by silver motes of rain
that soaked not unto my skin
but which quenched the fire
that I writhed upon in pain
had I ripped you from beneath
my own eager breast, you surely
would not rest but proudly
would have died, alone, on a street
but would you have found rest?

Dare not you parlay with me!

I still have eyes, a mind, a soul
you see. As adamantly that you
try to leap from my body to be
independent, you bleed, fresh,
from my flesh.
Unable to breath outside my body

So hush and do not fash so

Hold your peace and pray
I am disinclined to end it this day
just so you know

the same aches
the same pains

the more you suffer
the more i bleed

the more you try
the more i succeed

the more you exert
the more i recede

the same loneliness
the same lost cause

the more you race ahead
the more i pause

the same hurts
the same lies

the same taunts
the same cries

the more you hurt
the more I try

to make you realize

the same heart beats
underneath a broken rib
the more you draw breath
the more painfully I live

golden beaches and apple martinis
waving palms glanced across the sun
turquoise waves stroked white sand
while she giggled at dolphins having
fun, dancing in the ocean, anticipating
the motion of the lithe body that moved
towards her from the east, silhouetted
against black silk. He moved toward her
with ease....
She walks out into the winters day and
forgets her gloves and hat and how to play
snow surrounds her non sequential to her
daydream but if stops to put on the extra layers
acknowledgement will bring forth her scream

*She's happy in the Sun

but how?

do we measure
                          point C?
                      to
                            spot G?

she wakes to an empty bed
he's left in the early morning
to work, she shivers with regret
He calls at 9am and they exchange
pleasantries. He sighs as the phone
disconnects while she hangs up
hesitantly. Was there more to be said?
He sits in a morose world on the
internet in the afternoons where
he waits for her to come home from
work. He's all alone with his memories
and he dreams of scenarios that
might possibly become reality
if he can convince her that he's
sincere. But shes not there...
Evening meals are a lesson in silence
in the awkwardness of masticating
images that could be dreams or
nightmares, she doesn't care, he
is there...
******* in the dark, in stealth
making sure the rustle of clothing
leaving the body is no indication
of an invitation they awkwardly
brush against each other, creating
friction, gauging reaction, not really
ever wanting to engage in carnality
just basically giving each other
the time of day and the illusion
of Love and a Yes please but
No thanks, not tonight
just another day...
The coffee is cold as it sits acting
like a looking glass for a stare
deep inside the darkness might
be someone who cares but over
the breakfast table on a weekend
morning, the divide is yawning
and there is a weakness to the
futilely uttered
"Good Morning"

I hurt myself today,
To see if I still feel,
I focus on the pain,
The only thing that's real,

The needle tears a hole,
The old familiar sting,
Try to **** it all away,
But I remember everything,

[Chorus]
What have I become,
My sweetest friend,
Everyone I know,
Goes away in the end,

And you could have it all,
My empire of dirt,
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt,

I wear this crown of thorns,
Upon my liars chair,
Full of broken thoughts,
I cannot repair,

Beneath the stains of time,
The feelings disappear,
You are someone else,
I am still right here,

[Chorus]
What have I become,
My sweetest friend,
Everyone I know,
Goes away in the end,

And you could have it all,
My empire of dirt,
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt,

If I could start again,
A million miles away,
I will keep myself,
I would find a way