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I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
Gleaming blade
held in hand,

"boredom kills" he uttered
why didn't he love the world?

*Ignorance,
             What else?
there was a time when everything
was important
things that were huge, ginormous,
in proportion,
importantly huge..

then there was the little things...
like the walks in the summer rain
where you never cared that I was wearing
my best dress, you preferred me naked anyway
Dinner at Antonios,
getting caught in the snow
I didn't have gloves to warm my hands
you didn't either so you tucked me inside
your jacket and held my frozen fingers
to your chest, I didn't protest
but you told the passerby's that we were
conjoined
and when we were caught on the train
without a ticket you closed your eyes
and I lost my voice and confusion reigned
We walked home for miles after being evicted
you couldn't stop looking at me
and I couldn't hold my tongue

Then you left...
just upped, to walk another path
one you said you swore an oath to
but solitary a road still
but you may come back for me
but it doesn't matter, you see
Everything that was important
is no more
and everything you taught me
about Love
doesn't matter anymore
because you aren't here
to share the unimportant moments
with me
I think that maybe I take breakups
And half-breakups
And “I think we should just stay friends”
And “I’m moving across the country!”
And “Let’s just pretend it never happened…”
And “Sorry, I’m already doing something else that night”
so horrifically,
and yet so horrifically well,
Because life in my head
Is constantly romancing
And then breaking up
With everyone.
09/08/12




Written on a whim. Accidentally, actually, while writing a blog post.
Written for.... everyone.
Today it is for the restraint to have just one beer and then a spiced tea.
I wish I could touch you
not in a way that would be
awkward
just in a way that would
say in no words
I Love You
because the few characters
on a screen are not enough
I want to hug you
with full emotion
without the meaningless
emoticons and the asterisks
that means I really,
really
want to hug you
but you're there
and I'm here
How do we breach
the distance?
Why can't we touch?
I really want
to hug you
and tell you
I love you
*so much
this goes out to a cyber mate who is so far away but so near :-)
behind each
'I don't know'
was every fear
I didn’t want to face

behind each
'I don’t care'
was all my forgiveness
that went to waste

behind each
'I’m ok'
was the lie
I begged myself for

behind each
'I love you'
is the truth
I won't ignore
Is it safe to assume I'm forgotten?

Is it safe to
assume this feeling will pass if I
only go to sleep and dream it
away?

It is safe, now
close your eyes.
first I got angry
then I grew sad
after being mad
for so long
I remembered our song
for so long
it felt wrong
I remembered
the good times
with you by my side
then I heard our song
for so long
I wept
I raged
I carried on
I preyed
stalking the emptiness
with peace on my back
walking backwards
upon a one way track
first I was lonely
then I was alone
after being with me
I finally found home
Last night
In my sleep
You announced
To all the world
That you had chosen
Me.
That's when
In my sleep
I realized
In sinking sweats
That this was just
A dream.
09/07/12



For lost causes that I'd follow anyway.
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