Let me write poems
On your back; true words don't flow
From ink and paper

i have to remember that
they are better in my memories
time uses its sweet fog to water down
the bitter Whisky of the past

i want to know that it is futile to
remember things that are dead
i want to live in a present with no past,
like christmas day

to be free of them and all of
the stunted growth of my youth
i am incongruous for faults
not of my own

to be whole again, to wash my
body clean of dirt i never
meant to get beyond my clothes
i wish it was simple

i live in a pink fog of discontent,
uncertainty and an entropy
that is only exacerbated
by soft touch and holiness

but i live for times when my
head is at bay; no reticent lover,
no sweet life could divert me
from my path again

Spontaneous combustion:
A candle is lit in the middle of the room
It gives more light than you have ever seen-when will this be unlit?

Ignore the light, you think
This isn't what you looked for
You're used to being in the darkest
Corners of the room.

Ignore it. Ignore it. Ignore it.
It starts to emit heat
It pulses back and forth
You feel it in your chest, you feel it.

Ignore the candle and it'll be unlit,
you think
But it only grows brighter
You feel it through your body

Energy is lost in heat and light--
Ignore the candle and it is brighter,
Burning wax onto the floor:
Bend down and pick it up

You leave the room and it takes over
Your entire house is on fire!
Pretend you're not alone again
And light another candle

Let us be then: you and I
In an exchange of energy, you and me
I will give up for you what you give up to me
And we can exist entirely

But let us go then
And we can debate about the usages of words that no one else but you and I will ever know

And I will love you to the passive voice
You will be loved by me
I will be loved by you


Let us break the second law of thermodynamics
Because you and me
we're better than exchanges of energy
I am perpetual to you and I will be to you a violation of the laws of entropy

Every movement that we make will ease the chaos in our lives
And let us do then what we're not supposed to do
And let me go then where I'm warned not to go
And I will take you and you will take me

Forget entropy
And just love me

he ruined drugs for me the day i met him.

i didn't want to love before--I'm not the same person I was;

i loved someone who never loved me, who never saw
me in any light (i'm still the dark)

he ruined ****; i loved it now its slow palpitations,
turned into waves: i don't feel home at home anymore

i'm drunk to myself
he ruined hard liquor, made every face
seen like his (i love beards now)
it's awesome to pretend i've gotten over someone
months away

free association turns into him--what does he represent?
a desire in my subconscious to be at bay;
something that may never come
i'm not the person i could be when i was happy

i was happy.
i drink beer and get high to forget
the one who gave me my first beer
my first tab
shroom
hard liquor

i'll use these means to travel back to you;
i don't want this, i don't need this
how can i leave these states?
i want to float on clouds

i mean nothing to something in my thoughts
i don't understand
i'll drunk text everyone but you
the one who'd drunk text me

How does the sun get its radiance emerging from centuries upon centuries of reactions
Similar to the ones in my belly when you walk up to me on our favorite weekends

If true love could exist then why was I born to unhappy parents and unhappy hands tore me out of the womb

And I cannot begin to solve the enigma of how love tends to fade but who am I to say that we were not in love and who am I to decide your fate (my love, you wanted to and you did so very often on our unfavorite weekdays)

And who am I to say I cannot wait until the weekends?
Who am I to wish away five-sevenths of my year to drown myself in 'self-fulfilling' activities that get me through five long days of things I am no longer passionate about?

And to that, I say I am human!
And I am a product of nature and like the pigs and the penguins I like having *** and I like to eat and I shall do as I please!

So please do not try to convince me that I cannot decide for myself; it is this illusion that gets me through three-hundred and sixty five days every year

I miss the way I'd count the seconds
On those hour-long bus rides through your heartbeats-my ears so perfectly
Contrived

It made sense that the minutes went so fast
If your heartbeats were the seconds
I couldn't fathom a past or a future
We were living in the present

I miss the way our hands felt warm
They say you can't pinpoint the location of an electron because it gets excited
I never knew where we were

I drank half a bottle to myself again
But I still couldn't find you
And I'm not the one that excites you anymore

I wish that I was occupied by the banalities
Maybe then there would've been a you and me

Because we hide ourselves in the mundane
And ignorance is bliss, and I've spent my life seeking knowledge

But who am I to decide?

remember my love,
we **** flowers when we put
them into vases

Oooo baby smoke me like the pack of
cigarettes you smoked on the bathroom
floor while sitting in the dark and
contemplating life

Oooo baby kiss me like that pacifier we all
once had; cry if they remove me
Baby cry about the fact that I don’t have any
better nicknames for you and that my comparing you to an infant is so oppressive; read me books
before bed and tell me everything I believe in
is a lie

Oooo tell me to stop and listen to the sound
of you leaving me and then run back home
please [(don't) leave me]

I watch a wave from an appropriate distance

I watch it crash and hug the shore

I see my past, my present, and my future

You said I'm not well
But you're the one who left me
Thank you anyways

Everything is moving so fast and I wish you didn't think you liked me and I wish you didn't think you loved me because I'm tired of spending my evenings speculating what made you think otherwise

Does one manufacture feelings?

Your body is a feeling's factory and I'm afraid you've fired all your underpaid workers

I'm weaving my way into your factory but it's just not working

Nonetheless, I am tired of being locked out of your office (the heart)

And I believe that organs are chambers that one chooses to close

But *******, how'd I begin to feel this way

Let me kiss you in
The halcyon. You are much
More than just chaos.

I have already written about you in every obituary

You were only caught because of a drop of blood; your only life force has gotten you strapped to the electric chair yet you show no emotion; no remorse for years of thievery; you are the insecure narcissist that wallows in self pity and only comes out when there's a 2% chance of rain

I will always write about you; the schema, the concept, the idea of you

*You are the alibi for when my thoughts stray.

i said i'd speak to you on January 1 at 12:01
a new year, a new year i supposed
I thought maybe I'd be a part of your new years resolutions
But who really accomplishes those?

I thought about it every second until new years and i crafted my sentences ever so eloquently

And I knew you'd laugh at me because you never thought of me in those moments and those are parts of my life that i cannot redeem

My love, I don't know what's wrong because I'm not in love with you I just want to say hello

But it's February and I never really pressed send

But I imagine that I did

And that, has made all the difference. Goodnight.