I keep hoping
Maybe you'll come to your senses
Realize where you messed up
Apologize for your choices
I keep thinking
I think too much
About everything you say
Every stupid touch
Searching for excuses
Looking for words to cover my hope
And the fact that I gave up long ago
Or the lie that knows I didn't
I get angry
When I see you get depressed
over something that would've never caused you stress
If you had only considered another choice
I keep checking
To see if there's a poem that might mean
You're possibly thinking about me
An idea I know to be insane
Because you had a chance to be with me
And like everyone else
You threw it away

I'm becoming pathetic
Scratch that
I always was
A step behind everyone else, struggling to keep up
Seeming to others as being strong but it's just
A wall I fight so hard to keep up
The helper. Not the helped
Bottling the words inside
I slowly poison myself
Allowing a drop to spill onto someone else's chest
Is unheard of, so I keep it all instead of risk
Being seen as just some whiny *****
In the end it doesn't come down to understanding
Or trust, or being tough
When I'm crying in bed, gasping for breath
I'd rather let it **** me than bother someone I love

Maybe I should stop
Letting others treat me how I do
Being easily dropped
for something better when it passes through
Maybe I should finally see that I'm enough
And stop pushing aside my feelings
For the sake of someone else
Maybe I should finally change
Force myself to care a lot less
See how other's react
With the true ***** they'll have to deal with
Maybe I'm tired of having to pretend
Being there for everyone else, but seeing no outstretched hands
When I need someone to make me smile
All this time I've spent trying to be happy
Has only thrown me more off balance
Maybe I'm done with being an anchor
Only succeeding in drowning myself

You broke my heart
Nearly shattered it
When you told me you weren't sure if you were having it
When you never gave me a choice
To be yours or not
It wasn't a choice at all.
I loved you - love you
With everything I have
You pulled me out of depression.
Made me laugh.
Now you don't want the dependent
You made me
Depending on your voice to weaken my knees
Giving me the courage to climb to my feet at the beginning of each day
Making me wonder  why it should be okay
That I question your love
And the love for myself
Since when did my beauty
Become dependent on someone else?

Basically you're saying you don't need me
Without saying a word
As you look away
Eyes caressing the floor
like they once caressed my face
Grazing my skin yet leaving no trace
I can still feel your eyes on me
Warming  
making me blush without any warning
Electrifying my skin with your stare
Yet you don't know my name
I'm just a face now
That you see in the halls
No more memories of laughter, or those late night calls
That I cherished close to my heart
Those smiles and butterflies I let fly above the fear
That one day I would find you like you are here
Telling me you don't want me
Without saying a word

I am a child
Of this I know
Constantly, repetitively
You remind me of my roles
The words "you aren't grown"
Fly from your lips
Tempting me to quit
Abandon unspoken responsibilities
In a rebellious mood
I'm filled with rage
All this potential I possess
Yet you have me locked in a cage
A bird with clipped wings
Shackles on my feet
As I answer to your kids
Who sometimes call me mommy
Inside of me there lies a cold hearted beast
Who wants to turn her back on this life, be free
But before the beast can reach the door
My conscience steals the key
Along with my dreams
And the hopes of ever leaving