Your text
Lights up my smart phone's screen
Elated, excited and feeling dumb beyond belief
For a minute I allowed my mind to wander
Dangerously thinking
Falsely interpreting your message's meaning
Forgetting just for a moment
Your smiles mean nothing
Forgetting that we're just friends
"What's up"
That's what your text will say
Followed by a
"Did you see her smile today?"
Yes I did.
No she didn't wave.
The smile wasn't aimed even aimed at you  
Every week
I watch you watch her like a fool
Coming to me for advice you're too afraid to use
Pathetic is the only word that comes to mind when I think
Of how you agonize over every move she makes
Yes that was a blink.
No it wasn't a code.
Blinking twice doesn't mean yes, once doesn't mean no
As much as I despise your infatuation
I'm guilty of a crime of similar aggravation
I like you but you'll never know

Im from oak trees
Reaching limbs that shade
The sizzling concrete
Tailgating before a game

Im from Sunday breakfast
Family gathered round
Loud music & conversation
Filling the house with sound

I'm from a sprinkler
Placed in the backyard
In the summer time
The cheapest way to cool off

I'm from biting tongues
Southern by a grace
Taught feelings are better bottled up
In attempt to save a little face

I'm from photographs, artifacts and names used
In vain to help my grandmothers memory pull through

I'm from the place
Where music is constantly played
At every occasion, no matter the time of day

I'm from a culture, deeply rooted
Through mardi gras, beignets, and family reunions
Where English occasionally gives way to French
Like a tree. I branch
In every direction
I am from home

Homework turned in on time
Straight A's is what I strive for
Seen as a nerd by most
I see myself as someone who simply wants more

Oh, so I don't have a life?
Because of my grades?
Excuse me for knowing
When to work and when to play

You call me lame, a geek
Ever consider I'm trying to escape poverty?
Saying I was "born smart"
As an excuse
For why I'm doing better than you

No, I don't go home and read
Every minute, every day
Or go straight home and study
Or watch documentaries

Yes, I believe education
Is my purpose
For coming to school everyday
Honestly if I didn't learn anything
It wouldn't be worth it

I have a life that branches
Far away from this school
Don't call me a "nerd"
Because I want a future more than you

I swear
I will never be
What was estimated of me
I will go beyond expectation
Achieve all of my dreams

I swear
I will move on
Leaving the past behind
The violence, the annoyance, the wasted time
I vow to be successful
Never just get by

I swear
I will leave behind me the days
Of paycheck to paycheck living
The struggle to get bills paid

I swear
Bettering myself is the only way
To avoid the lifestyle
In which I was raised

I swear
I will not hold resentment
Or bear hate
Simply say thanks the battles
That gave me strength

I will not regret my past
Just strive for better things
And take into account the people
That showed me who not to be

Don't go as far as to lie to her
Allowing poison to drip from your lips building up hope as each word slips off your tongue  
Shooting her soul with promises and disguised scorn for a girl you don't want in your world but who will follow you like a lost puppy
Because she was lost in herself
Lost in feelings
Of seeing you everyday and believing
That you were worth it
All but kneeling at your feet yet you don't speak - knowing
The strings to her heart you are holding
And you're holding her captive like a puppet
I wonder if you know she's not a strumpet
I wonder if you could hear her heart
Hear it thumping
Knowing it beats for you

Don't go as far as to deny
The feelings you felt when you first saw her smile
Heard her laugh, looked in her eyes
That shone brighter than the brightest stars in the skies  
Filled with undeniable warmth
That have now turned cold
To your voice your name your touch
As she realized her warm wasn't enough
To keep the heat off her cheeks when she felt the back-burner's scorch
Once quick to dote, now quick to ignore
Another rag left on the shelf

Don't go as far as to lie
Not to her, but about her
Destroying the trust that's no longer valuable
To hold in in your hand and cherish
Soiling her name
Making up for your anger shame confusion
Baffled she had the voice to diffuse the message that read
"I'm done"

Don't go as far as to miss her
When you notice her not noticing you
Seeming to others admirably bulletproof
You the only one knowing she can be vulnerable
Unable to look away as emotions begin to stir
Slowly your mind connects to your mouth to create words and the first one to form is :
Beautiful
Wanting to crawl as you feel it in your chest
Like the bullet of your words that hit her confidence
When you said you didn't want her

Don't go as far as to say you're sorry
Once you've realized you hurt someone who could make your day brighter not by dancing with angels but by making you smile and silencing your demons
While every bone in your body fills with regret and your jaw clenches
Trying to find words to change the situation
But there aren't enough words in the world

You've taken away my vice
The therapy that kept my heart beating
With every beat of the drum or harmony of singing
That healed me completely with every note
No more can I sit and listen to tunes
Losing myself in the words
Escaping my pain and the thoughts that made my head feel like it would explode  
I can be alone no more
The music washing over me
Calming my soul
Giving me the will to be
Myself and not worry about anyone else
But now you invade every song
Going through my playlist
Skimming over my favorites
Your name jumping to the front of my brain as every beat hits
Suddenly I understand all of the lyrics
I sang countless times before
I can relate
To every verse and every chord
Singing of perfect days and the pain of letting you go
Not sure what I'll do
But for now I know
You've ruined music for me

My eyes have been opened
To what's in front of me
Seen now as what it truly is
No more notions dipped in honey
Or hopes dripping poison
Slowly killing my peace of mind
Taking away the last piece of my smile
That remained genuine

You're oblivious
To the restless emotional tide
You stirred up the first time you said Hi
Or the way you engulfed my mind
With feelings I thought I got rid of yesterday
But I was tossed back to sea today when you spoke

You don't know
How hard I tried
Tactfully I kept a veil over my eyes
So I wouldn't see the blatant lies
Appearing untouched by your smile
If only in public
For in private I continued hoping
...you would open your eyes  
And see I was worthy .

Undeserving you were of my thoughts