As your text
Lights up my phone's screen
Instantly my mood changes
Your message serving as a light in the dark filled depression that seems to swallow me whole
Of course you don't notice
The turbulent misconceptions concerning my imperfection
That exist just below the surface
Of this fake smile on my face
Quite deceiving
You assume I'm comfortable in my skin
And I know your just kidding
When you crack jokes about my numerous flaws
As if I can accept it
Like I expected you more than anyone else to know the difference
Between a harmless joke and a stab at my self confidence
As intimately as you see me
I dangerously hoped you'd see through me
Beneath the damage and scars left from years of brutal immaturity
But like all else you fell for the illusion  
Assuming
I was fine with being second best
It's baffling how you can claim to be so close
To a person you don't even know
Thinking I'd be fine with you talking about her
When you never gave me the chance I deserved
Cuz I wasn't perfect?
Don't I know it

Tossing and turning
The moon increasing my yearning
To see your face
Feel your hand on me
Witness your smile that's reassuring
Looking at me as if I'm perfect
The only one for you.
Restless
I roll around on my bed
Envisions of what ifs playing in my head
Trying to sleep
Checking my phone for a text
I'm not sure I'll receive
But I'm wishing on the stars in the sky
That what you see when you see me
Is beautiful in your eyes
As I close mine
Trying to fall into a dream
Holding hands
In a world where you'll be
Without a doubt proud
To be seen
As the star of my hopeful dreams

Quiet
A word her peers say
not with appreciation
But with undisguised hate
They never wonder why she doesn't try to pay anyone the time of day
Slouching her shoulders dejectedly as she walks away
And so it's seen as an excuse
For the weak minded with nothing better to do
Who pick and ****, and laugh along with the bullies to seem so cool

She's delicate
She once was
pure and soft like the skin she now cuts
In attempt to numb the voices, make them shut up  
If only for a little while
But a little whiles never enough
Demons screaming in the shadows of her mind
She sees herself as a ghost whispering
"I'm fine"
Repetitively, endlessly she utters this lie
Disappointed at those who believe it

She's quiet
She never utters a sound
Numb to her surroundings
She's bound
to misery
She's perfection but she'll never believe
Shoulders slumped, pulling down her sleeves
Beauty, As faint as the curve on her lips
The opinion's the blade that now picks
Out her flaws as she prods onto her reflection
The voices overpowering her mind
She's fine
But her weary eyes betray the lie
Her lips can no longer make true

She's broken
Shattered pieces of her lay on the floor
Reflecting just how insecure
She's become
She's far past numb
Inside she's dead
And in the shards of glass scattered on the bed
Is the faint trace of smile

I'm starting to think you don't know me
The sweet words you say unarm me
Leaving me feeling wanted
I thought you understood when I told you I hated compliments?
Especially when I don't know if they're true

You break the rules
I have written around my heart
You open your mouth and I start
Wondering foolishly
falling apart
Crumbling Into feelings
I might never get out of

You wonder why I can't make up my mind
One day I'm happy next day I'm "fine"
All the while changing , trying not to find
Flaws in what's too good to be true

I roll my eyes
In defense
Hoping you won't see past the pretense
Looking Into their depths
And seeing the hope that lies

I'm fine with being alone
I can keep my heart closed
Do me a favor?
Next time you think those sweet words?
Bite your tongue.

A smile
So brightly aimed at me
Elated I was beyond belief
Just to think someone was finally noticing me...
me.
My presence had unconsciously formed a smile on someone's lips
And for once I felt...
Pretty

Suspicion quickly replaced
His joy surely mirrored on my face
Reality began to resurface
Someone must have paid you
Why are we speaking?
Complete reassurance
Embarrassed at my foolishness
I'm sorry self-doubt rules my life

Insecurities sharp as knives stab at my brain
Jumping around, replaying all the words I've ever heard people say
All the times I've been judged by the size of my waist
Before it was even thought to ask my name
Talking myself down
Building myself up
Anyone would be lucky to know you
You'll never be good enough
You're so fat
It's just more to love
Finally convincing myself to reach for the chance I deserve

Another smile in the hall
I wave happily
Switch to confusion when I see you don't do anything
I wondered what I did
Where did I go wrong
Until I notice her and understand all along
While I convinced myself to be brave
Once again I remained unseen

Hot tears stinging my face
As I pray God to help us
Hoping he would replace
Your acquired taste of selfishness
With selfless love and make
You happy without having a bottle permanently by your side to drink

Hands folded
Hard floor hurting my knees
Willing God to open your eyes
To make you see
All the things you have that you could need
Just as badly as the foul drink
you choose as your poison

Tears begin to fall uncontrollably
It hurts
Wondering why we aren't the center of your world
Your everything .
Why don't we deserve
To see you completely sober
for once
You sip all day , pass out drunk
Wake up and the first the thing you do is grab another one
Aluminum blue, white writing on the can
That taunts me as if saying

"He loves me more than you"

You could have had it
I placed my heart on my sleeve
Wrapped in barbed wire and chained
all but gave you the key
Never did I say you could tie my heart to a string
And use my emotions for a game

Maybe you couldn't tell
The way my eyes lit up when you entered the room
Bright as the sun when it's shining behind the moon
Hidden behind the smiles and perfume
Of a girl who ignores your existence

I was here
Everyday
When you wanted me close
When you pushed me away
Happily fine with being second place
And Daydreaming of being first

No more
Am I held prisoner by your words
Silently accepting this world I thought I deserved
I won't say you used me
I used myself