Heart of secrets

Nov 2017

Ady

Let me tell you why i cound't love him,
when all he thought of me was idealized
like some fairy in a fairytale ready to
aid him on his quest on his story.
How he loved my dyed hair or how i never
seemed to settle on a color
but not because i was fickle and adventurous
but because color fades naturally.
Let me tell you how he treated me like some
discovery, a treasure for greedy pirates
and suddenly i wans't even a person,
i was his involuntary manic pixie dream girl;
a level in a game, a mage to give him answers
when i didn't even understood the questions.
How i was somehow supposed to teach him
life and love when its just me being me,
a girl attempting to live her life and every flaw
suddenly glitter covered and gold encrusted;
my anxiety reduced to a quirk and my depression
just so edgy.
Let me tell you that I couldn't love a boy,
-selfcentered and presumptious-
when all he saw in me was a character and not
a partner.

A boy who never even knew me but pretended.

#not #love #idealized

Heart of secrets Nov 2017

A E M E L

It hurts just as much when you care for someone who likes you alot
But your love feeling aren't the same
I can't stop thinking about you
And I don't think I ever will
The regret is painful that I'm losing someone i really do love and care for but
Not in the romantic way.
I think it because I know your soul and I know your struggling and I want to be the one there for you.
But I can't' I just can't
If you can't be my friend I don't know. If it harder for me to stay or go.
It all makes me sad.
Makes me want to cry and hug you.
And I try to convince myself I am strong on my own and it will all see through to you. But even though I can't talk to you I will always hope what best for you. Like I know what best for you but I don't know anything
You the one who is smart the one who deserves more because you know what you want.
I hate myself.
I hate myself for being so flawed so emotional I hate my self for not liking you more then a friend because our soul recognized eachother. I wish I could make you feel better but I think I just make everything worse.

To send or not to send?

Heart of secrets Nov 2017

Taste of her soul

Me, a simple girl
Her woah, is impeccable
Her smile is everlasting
Her love is like no other lover.
She laughs with the sun and naps with the trees.
Watching always waiting for a sign to arise from the dust.
Shes whole, she never alone.
And you just had a taste,but never her heart.
Her heart is gold and burns at the faint of touch.
She laughs at your ignorance
And crys for her soul.
Dreaming of a time, you could have known.
But one things she hates the most is time.
Labeling the past as though it gone, anticipating the future ,in hopes to plan the unknown
And watching the present slip away from her boney finger.
She wants quite, she closes her eyes and drifts away in the wind, melting in the sun, she goes deep into the ground, cooling her tounge to the taste of freshly watered soil.
Muddy and bland, ***** and free.
Just like her.

Heart of secrets Nov 2017

9....

So' have you ever met a witch,
And no not the ones who wear pointy hats and carry brooms sticks.
The one who skin is cold as ice and gives you goosebumps every time she touches your flesh.
Her eyes burn fire and warm your heart' and your body feels like it might erupt.
She'll dance around you and laugh and sing.
Like she worships you' sacrfies you and heals you all at once.
And when it comes time for love making'
when the moon reaches it highest peak in the sky.
She focuses souly on you,
She grazes your hair
She touches your lips
Her cold hands flow down your body like moutain water.
And smokes where your fire burns.
She releases your pain'
she feels you pain.
She holds your pain
She comforts your pain
She heals your pain.
Then she makes love to your mended heart.

Heart of secrets Nov 2017

The fire ball in the sky

Id like to start a fire in your heart.

When the windows break and the smoke in our souls is set free.

Well lose all senses,

Enter eternalness

and

Fall heart first into the universe

Finally, we can breath.

Heart of secrets Nov 2017

Two souls of solitary love

Loving me, is like loving the dead
haunting and disconnected from the world
Silent,cold and baring all flaws......

Me loving you, is daunting
exploring uncharted waters, in hopes of
Finding thorns and watering
Your flower of devotion.

Heart of secrets Nov 2017

True freedom

Sometimes' like now.
I feel my souls too big for this body I possessed.
I can feel it pound from within my chest.
Trying to flee.
Feeling tortured by all this minds emotions.
Being ripped and torn for answers.
What is right my heart or my mind?
And I've been swooned by the idea of love but when it stares me in the face I feel nothing.
I feel it's shape and the radiation but my soul searches elsewhere
To the sky...
To the song.