i am getting rid of you
and i am doing it in such a way that you think it is your idea.
this way i have not the guilt

i am so terribly relieved
but i am also becoming so terribly sad
this is what i want
this is what i need
this is what we both need
but for some reason i still don't know why i'm doing it

you are winding me down now
letting me down easy
with your last constructive words
of how good this conversation has been
for better or for worse
like we are recalling our vows
as we are breaking them
and i have nothing to say after you thank me
nothing long winded
nothing regretful
you are thanking me for making you fall out of love

i do not think that is such a thing one should be thanked for

It's easy to lie
It's easy to deceive
everything bad
happens to me
I'm dark inside
my heart is empty
I'll smile at you
while I tell you you're ugly
I don't care about your feelings
I barely care about my own
to me your nothing
a meaningless soul
if you expected more
I'm sorry to disappoint
you'll have to remember
My soul is as black as the night
so go back to your life
your perfect routine
lie about your happiness
act like I'm unseen
It's easier that way
just live in your bubble
to me your nothing
I sorry I'm not subtle

girl in a relationship fascinated w/a stranger she met once. emotions attached to what she can’t hold yet deep down. she craves; she always wondered what it was like to see the other face of the moon. often questioned where it slept when light consumed day when the mind wanders. the heart does too. curiosity is often attached to ‘things you’re bound to find’ that’s if. you go look for it and she did. as she drank coffee across from her sat a man, a stranger. he looked up & smiled at her a few times before he got up & left. something about the way he looked at her made her ***** where she stood. her thighs electrified with energy of how this was even possible, lust was so heavy she followed behind him. he didn’t say much but the side of his mouth formed half a moon of a smile. she felt a rush. excuse..me’ she said softly. there was a hesitation in her tone but luckily the wind carried her voice loud enough to brush past the stranger’s ears. he stopped. the stranger’s thoughts: ‘she had to be the most beautiful loneliest girl my eyes had ever been humbled enough to come in contact with’. he was right. there was a lighthouse stuck in her throat that never made it past peripheral. light was dim in her eyes. this was clear. hi. my name is so & so’ —he stared at her lips and smiled again. ‘nice to meet you love’ how was your coffee he asked. it was just as sweet as i imagined our first conversation would be like. it’s not everyday you find a soul like yours and attract to it. what do i call you’ she whispered gently as she got closer to him while their eyes danced on each other’s lips. names are not important when presence is the greater ambience. follow me, he insisted & grabbed her hand gently with a full grip. she had no reason to doubt. everything felt blissful. she didn’t know where he was her taking but it didn’t matter as long as he knew. here she was. in a stranger’s apartment. lights dimmed, candles lit. instrumentals relaxed the mood on the radio. she felt like a woman. he leaned over & pulled her chin higher closer then kissed her lips. moved her hair to one side and brushed his tongue alongside her ear. instantly her body melted as he grabbed both edges of her shirt and lifted up and over her head exposing skin. she was warm. and..ready.you taste like sunday mornings’ he whispered in her ear as he pushed her against the wall while hands hovered her curves & lips on skin, her mouth dropped as quickly as her body temperature rose & demanded to feel more. skin. hands. lips. touch. words. she craved it all..

There is nothing ****, romantic, beautiful or admirable
In starving, bingeing or throwing up.
It doesn’t make you different
And it doesn’t mean you’re in control.
Fish-Bone body,
Spine like shards of glass,
Risking a rupture each time you indulge your
sordid, secret habit.
Why are you trying to find beautiful words
To pretty your ugly, violent acts?
There are none.
There is no beauty
In ***** and bile,
There is nothing to admire
In the punching of your stomach
The water loading,
The blisters on your knuckles
And your grey, grainy skin.

I watched someone die from this.
I refuse to do it again.

leaves are falling
just like me
beauty in appearence
just like me
carried away
just like me
stepped on
just like me
soon to be forgotton
just like me
leaves are falling
just like me