I want to look as empty as I feel

It’s lying on the floor because your bed feels empty.
It’s sitting in the rain, letting it touch you,
Because nobody else wants to.
It’s your body begging you to eat,
But you can’t even do that.
It’s writing love poems to your demons.
It’s hugging your pillow wishing it had a pulse.
But it never will.
It’s the dark place I live in,
The only place I feel accepted in.

I craved the feeling,
Of being teared open.
I need my skin to split.
I need it to pour out,
For the thoughts to disappear.
So I relapsed.
I took my tool,
And slit my wrists.
And as the crimson oozed,
My pain went with it.
Seeping onto the floor,
Drop by drop,
My memories leaving my body,
Until there was nothing left,
Not even me...

Trapped under my skin,
Dying to come out and play.....

I don’t lie..
I just withhold secrets I’m not ready to tell.

All the words I could not say.



Trapped all tight inside my brain.



Waiting for the fall of rain.

Memories like glass,
Carving images into my brain.
Tattooing them there,
Forever.
Never forgetting,
What happened.
My mind is playing them on loop,
Over and over.
Until the day my heart stops.

You stuck the blade in my back,
While hugging me lovingly.
You dug up my past and laughed at it.
You opened my mind and searched through my thoughts,
And ripped them out and stomped on them.
You travelled deep deep down,
To find my secrets and unlocked them,
And threw away the key.
Leaving them on show.
You were meant to be my friend.

I keep swallowing what I thought was air.

We grow, we learn, we work, we die.

We love yet we always get our hearts broken.

We speak a dead language consisting of sounds and lacking Emotion.

Some are scared of death and some embrace it.

But we are already dead.
Conversing with empty souls.

Above me is the sky and the white silk clouds,
Looking so tantalising and angelic.
And below me is the cold, hard ground.
Filled with skeletons and rotten memories.
Where would I rather be..

The colour of love,
Yet the colour of death.

The colour of your lips,
Leaning in to love me.

The colour of the liquid,
That drips from the wounds.
And the colour of the pills that took your life.

If I left today,
Leaving behind my name and a memory.
Like a useless object,
No one would notice if it was here or gone.

Worthless, Ugly, Unworthy.
Those were your words to describe me.
Your words put me in this position.

Deciding between black or white,
Or
Deciding between life and death.
Life and death seems the easier option.

I feel unlovable,
This state of being is depressing.
Maybe people will understand.

Why would anyone even care about understanding.

A cut a day,
Keeps the demons at bay....

I bet you never think of me,
And I never cross your mind.
I bet you when I call you,
All you want to do is hide.
You tell me that you love me,
But what if its not true.
Even when you lied to me,
I kept loving you.

You feel hopeless,
Those days you don't even feel like breathing.
Energy lacking,
Head hurting,
Eyes closing.
Never wanting to re-open.
The darkness is calling and you're trying to answer.
Yet something keeps pulling you back.