Soulful Child of mine,
Loved once in time,
Once upon a time,
Before they stole you in the night.
Beautiful Child of mine,
Lovely and bright.
Soulful Child of mine,
I kept you tight.
Held you through the night,
Not enough...
Soulful Child of mine,
Smile so bright,
Last I saw it..
They stole you in the dead of night.

They silenced my voice...
So I found other ways to speak.

She must have hated me from birth,
Casted her eyes upon my small frame and felt nothing for me,
Although I was nothing but a new born,
She must have hated me all the same,
Unable to fathom why she treated me this way,
Thought me to be a curse upon this Earth,
Distorted my worth,
Treated me like dirt,
She treated the others better,
Never understood what I had done wrong,
She claimed I was evil,
Lucifer's most precious offspring,
"You've been this way ever since you were a child",
"Constantly going around and spreading lies",
She called me a *****,
Looked at me in disgust,
Defended the other one even though I was the victim,
"So what?"
Turned her head away and walked off,
She's never loved me...
She never will despite how hard I try,
Have tried all my life..
I sought to earn her affection overtime,
To succeed in school,
Help out,
And never play the fool,
But her distorted form of love,
Only served as momentary affection,
It never mattered for I was always ranked number 2..
Then came another,
After that I was ranked number 3..
Then came the rest,
And later Number 5 is who I was to be...
This is my rank...
The lowest of the low...
I can never Ascend...
"Mummy why didn't you love me?"
Why must I always descend.

I tried to love but I never knew her.
Father...
Mother...
Sister...
Brother...
I feel as if they would replace me with another,
I was never showered with coveted kisses,
Only slices on the skin,
From the pain that my heart was under siege,
Friends and family,
No one ever really there for me,
Sometimes I even try to leave myself,
But there is no exit in sight,
People can so easily leave me,
Yet I can never really leave myself,
Till death do us part,
Young girl you need help,
Here you are writing down all that you feel,
How pitiful you've become,
You were once made out of steel,
Unable to be touched,
Hurt by simple words,
You used to be strong,
What happened young girl?
Sensitive you are,
Cold to the touch,
Your heart is too warm,
You need to give up,
Hope that you will be saved and freed,
From all those who make it their mission,
To tear you piece by piece,
Limb from limb,
Ligament and bone,
Become steel once again young girl,
Otherwise you will never grow old.
You will stay as you are and die at an early age,
The curtain has been drawn,
You left a ****** stage,
A magnificent performance that you showed,
Unfortunately for you..
Now you will never grow old.

I pray the lord my soul to keep if I were to end up under a white sheet, hoping I don't get shot, pull out the glock, killing my people off because our melanin pops. Brothers and sisters banding together seems to shake you to your very core; terrified that we could be so much more; positive role models, with our beautiful excess pigmentation. We don't fit into your back drop; your white frame, we thought we had changed the game, escaped the chains but everything remains the same. Now we remain target practice for your racist game, you are drunk with power now, believing you are in control, ignorance is bless; but our indignation is the fist that will knock you out of your ignorant bless. I'm not saying they're all bad but the violence has to stop. #blacklivesmatter

You're so beautiful he said,
So beautiful to the point that I want you dead,
Preserved for eternity,
Forever in my bed,
Let me shower you with kisses from your head down to your neck,
Slowly descending from your belly back up to your breast,
Being careful not to pull at the thread,
Her screams only seemed to please the monster he was with ease,
His animalistic nature was dangerously appeased,
They say every beauty needs her beast,
I preserved her beauty for only my eyes to see,
Her ruby red lips matched the crimson coloured walls,
I wore white that night,
He said it signified my purity,
Her story rewritten in red,
The brunette was dead,
But now a puppet she stood for the man to bed,
Beauty on the outside,
She felt amazing on the inside,
Her body so taut,
I wish she could spread wider,
So that all of me may fit inside her,
Kisses and hickies,
My body is wet and bruised,
Forever his..
Never to leave this room...
I pull the strings tighter,
She must sit still while I redecorate inside her,
Moving quick then slow to the beat,
Taking slow strokes so that I may venture deep,
Oh how I wish she could spread wider,
But the strings are about to break...
I turned 21 that day...
He said I was the perfect age,
Forever young he wanted me,
Forever young I shall stay.

Do you hear it?
See it?
Taste and touch,
What is so painfully clear.
Are you insane?
Maybe I should pick at your brain...
Open you up,
And find out what makes you tick,
You claim to be so smart,
But really you're thick,
Nothing more than an ameba,
A smear of dirt upon society,
The worst thing of all,
Is that there's no variety,
There are a million of you,
A dime a dozen,
I mean just look at the government,
***** and rotten,
Choking on the *****,
That is their own corruption,
I'm tired of you,
Run along and continue to do what you do,
When I'm feeling up to it,
I might try and change you,
Seperate you from your body parts,
Try and rearrange you,
Funny enough the only part missing...
Is your heart...
Strangely enough,
I thought you were never supposed to be apart.

Sometimes I wake up and wonder,
What is it?
What am I lacking?
Why do I feel so incomplete,
Like an unfinished jigsaw puzzle,
A piece of me is missing,
I have always felt this way,
Incomplete...
Empty...
Maybe something is wrong with me,
No...I know there is something wrong with me,
The signs are all there,
For as long as I can remember,
I've known...I've always known,
I just want to be free, Find a place where I can be me,
A place where I belong,
Just trying to find my way,
Piece of mind...
I know I will not find it here,
Not on Earth...
I know I can't talk about it,
No one would understand,
Even I don't know what it is...
But if I were to open my mouth and speak,
To talk about it...
All I could say is,
I'm not happy.

Solidarity, it is my home away from home,
My prison and paradise,
My sanctuary and cage,
My nightmare and dream,
Is it to be my friend or foe?
I suppose I will never know,
As I am one who is forsaken of that which is companionship,
Yet I can neither be one with who I am with or without it,
My purpose for being here,
The meaning of my existence,
In a world that has lost all face,
A world where I have no place.

She's a ******* but doesn't see it,
She sells herself then goes mute,
Only loud when not in his presence,
It is funny how she settled for him,
Settled for the man before and here she is repeating her mistake,
Her light has truly dimmed,
She so willingly submit yet barks as if she didn't choose to commit,
I wonder at what point did she become his *****,
Was it along the lines where she became blind when faced with his mistakes?
Lost all form of hearing when he used his forked tongue to speak,
At what point did she lose sight of a king when in the presence of a joker?
Perhaps her common sense failed her when she was bearing his kid,
one child then the next,
Not only for this joker but the next,
She doesn't love herself.
She can't help but put on a front.
Secretly she puts him above everyone else,
above the rest, not only her children but herself.
Holds this pathetic excuse of a man close to her chest,
Her aim is to please, she barks like a *****.
Protecting her lowly master at all costs,
Never ceasing to serve her master with ease,
When did she fall and descend to hell?
Willingly chose to be a prisoner within this house,
Prison.
Sharing his quarters.
Sharing his cell.
I have no respect for who she is or she pretends to be,
It will never be me.
For my man will be a reflection of me, I will wait as long as it takes and choose wisely,
Never will I be the woman who birthed me.
Never will I be so lonely,
For when I look upon this woman and the man she chose so willingly,
All I see is tweedle dumb and tweedle dee.

I don't want you to feel my pain,
Just know that it exists,
Recognize that it is truly there,
Acknowledge it.

As much as I try to portray myself as this heartless being,
I know deep down within me that I feel more than anyone,
I feel everything so very deeply,
It is both a blessing and a curse.
I feel to the point where it becomes excruciating,
I feel to the point where I become numb,
I drown in my own ocean,
I slowly suffocate within my own sea,
I breath.
Every breath brings me closer to my death,
With every breath I feel.
A little closer to death,
A little closer to life,
Stuck somewhere in between,
It is my purgatory.

Feel it from the heart,
See through the soul,
Experiences come whether you are young or old,
Devastation, be it nothing but a decoration in your life.
A small present wrapped up nice,
Expected to be filled with wonder and galore,
Instead contained horror and gore
Susceptible to disease.
The mind was weak,
No longer an individual we see,
Only a carbon copy.
The baby birthed that day,
Died in some kind of way,
Grew to be old,
But their soul they sold.

Forever floating like the River Nile,
The Thames,
Strong like the stems of a flower,
Which lay beneath it's beauty,
Only to witness it blossom.

It wants for nothing,
But to float within the earth's atmosphere,
To be one with it's surroundings,
To find those who need it most,

Becoming the place for your fears and worries to die,
Whilst you thrive,
It remains here for you,
To guide you,
Love you.

To help you spread far and wide, as is it's nature.
To be there for you in times of need.
It is your feather.
And you are the bird, who needs not for a flock.
Nor a Shepard.
Weightless you shall be.
Forever free.

There is no authenticity in their love,
I suppose in a way they grew up never knowing what love really was,
Then having children and allowing them to grow up,
In the same way that they did,
But only in a different time,
Different generation,
Same frame of mind,
Love, you never knew her.
Neither did I,
Used to cry myself asleep and awake at night,
Never knowing what it felt like,
To have that warm feeling resonate inside,
Inside me,
Burning like a flame,
A love so strong to the point that I never grew cold,
You never knew it,
Therefore neither did I,
You deprived me of what you never had,
You say you're nothing like her,
But your just another copy,
Just as stubborn,
Hypercritical and mean,
You are her.
Just another carbon copy.

Drugs,
Alcohol,
***,
Maybe they actually do help,
With the pain..
Help you to get through it,  
Help you to carry on,
To numb your insides,
To work its way inside like an antidote,
But they also **** you slowly on the inside,
Like the feelings you've been keeping in for quite some time,
Always doing damage,
Always killing you from the inside,
Always taking over,
Soul..
Body..
And mind..
Always doing damage,
Each and every time..
Slowly..
Slowly..
On the inside..

Who doesn't believe their child when they speak?
Every time they speak,
It's the devil's speech.
Mother and Father I beseech you!
Why have I never been treated equal?
All you do is ridicule and judge,
Our dear Lord must be crying in the Heavens up above.
Witnessing a child who never experienced love,
Not by them.
Not by these devils,
The parents I'm supposed to "love."

Sometimes I feel like I'm just too deep for you,
That's why you drown in my stew,
Lick and ****...
The flavour in your mouth...
So appatising.
When you taste the richness of my core,
Your appetite has become insatiable,
Ranvenous.
Have I now become your favourite fruit?
Have I become your favourite taste?
“Sit upon my face”
You can't.
You won't.
Give up.
I am your meal...
Your appetite.
Serve me as you please.
Take a bite, I'm sweeter than I seem.

I wish I had an outlet for expression,
Music..
Art..
Dance..
Something..
To immerse myself,
To experience the pleasure of doing something that I love,
Something that makes me happy,
Something..
All I have is this book,
All I have are these sad drawn out words,
It is all I have..
These words that perfectly depict my pain,
How I feel like I am going insane,
How I will never be the same,
I can't talk to people,
They can't help me,
I'm slowly losing my mind,
Every single day..
Every time I feel my sanity slowly slipping away,
Out of my reach,
I quickly grab hold of it again,
Only for my grip to loosen,
Trying again to tighten my grip,
Before I lose all of it,
That's how its always been,
I put up a façade,
I hide behind my smile,
I don't want to cry anymore..
I don't want to hurt myself anymore..
I don't want anymore cuts and bruises..
Self-inflicting..
They leave only scars..
Scars I don't want anymore..
Something's wrong with me,
All I want to be is free.

I like to be called Harley.
Outside of this world I am called by something else,
In the other world I go by another name,
But this name allows me to forget,
Forget who I am and what I've done,
All the things I've ever said,
And those who I let lay too close to my heart,
I'm a liar and a cheat.
I suppose I deserve everything that has ever been done to me,
Deep inside me where evil lies,
I am a spawn of two wicked ties,
Forces joined to birth the child,
Who was never loved,
To summarise..
I was planned but funny enough still a mistake,
Never birthed as a symbol of their love,
Hatred took its place,
How *** can so easily be used,
As not a form of love but only a tool,
To hurt the other all while hurting each other,
I'm here now "mother" and "father".
I am me.
Uncertainty consumes me,
Is this who I really want to be?
Conflicted and confused,
Internally abused,
I used to hurt myself.
Found it to be an escape,
All just a ruse...
A way for me to forget,
I am not me in this minute in time,
I am Harley Quinzel.
The sad little girl,
Mad as a hatter,
I am Harley Quinn.
Call me by no other name,
Not in this place,
This is my space.

I wish I wasn't me,
I wish I was different,
I wish I was someone else,
Anyone else..
I should be grateful for what I have,
And I am..
But..
There is no progression,
Only depression,
I feel it coming on again,
Stronger than before,
I feel the tears as they pour,
My throat is closing up,
It becomes too painful..
To inhale and exhale..
My rapid breaths,
Shaky hands,
Quivering lips,
Lifeless eyes staring at nothing,
Blind to what I couldn't see before,
What I tried to ignore,
I don't belong here..
Not anymore...

Like a swift summer breeze,
They reached me,
Like the rain,
They shook me,
Like the sun,
They awakened me,
Like the moon,
They are the sweet lullaby that puts me to sleep,
Like a mother,
They comfort me,
Support me,
All the while, never knowing what they have done for me.
Never knowing me.

I write not for fun but only as an escape,
Words seem to fail me when I am not sad enough,
Mad enough,
Or simply fed up with life,
It is as if I can only be the ruler of my underworld,
Never my paradise,
I am the Hades of my domain,
Everywhere I look seems to be the same,
Darkness shrouding all possibilities of light,
As if I was never destined to shine.
No matter how hard I fight,
With all my might,
It does not change the jurisdiction.
"Banished to the darkness"
"Let the child never see light."

Hell bound by these hellhounds.
Forever on the prowl,
Preying on the weak,
Sacrificing their children as if they were merely meat,
Lambs to the slaughter.
Forgotten without a trace.
Thrown away like broken toys,
Without saving grace,
Seen as nothing but burdens,
Ignore the pain on their face.
What doesn't **** you makes you stronger,
They must learn their place.
For we are their masters.
They be nothing but cattle.
Brand them with our names.
Carve their skin with our initials,
Destroy their hopes and dreams,
Weaken their minds,
Prepare them for the saddle.

People just don't like to be nice,
As if they were made of ice,
Cold to the touch,
The frost from the snow that is their soul,
Slowly embedding its way into their heart
Yet so easy to break,
Everyone has an Achilles heel,
Every dog has their day,
My father always said there is always more than one way to skin a dog,
Think like the enemy,
Be the enemy,
And watch how all your opponents fall

Emotionally, they starved me for years.
Physically, they were always prepared.
Mentally, they just weren't there.

She's the type of girl that you overlook,
Book smart ain't obsessed about her looks,
Personality with the depth of the sea,
Heart so big I'm talkin' bout the universe you see,
It's this girl that you ignore,
That you actually really should adore,
But you find her a bore,
Rather settle for a ****,
But you ain't worried about all that,
Trying to see if she can swallow that all back,
Can she take it from the back and make that *** clap,
Does she got them double D's,
Can she ride on the D,
Is her precious P really as tight as it seems,
You looking for that one night and that's alright,
But this girl deserves your whole life,
She ain't looking to be used and abused,
She ain't looking to be taken for a fool,
So I suggest you come back when the time's right,
Get your mind right,
Cause she ain't that girl from last night,
She's a diamond in the rough,
In a couple years you'll be thinking that she's buff,
Rare...
But so unaware,
She busy thinking that nobody knows that she's there,
Feeling like a backdrop,
Thinking she got bad luck,
She ain't that girl you called a "bad one",
She's the unappreciated forever,
Compared to those wasted couple months.

I crave affection.
Not the mediocre type of love that I'm used to witnessing,
I crave something deeper.
Something so vast it knows no limits,
I have a lot of love to give,
I know I may not show it,
But I do.
I crave something more than the physical,
Venturing closer to the intellectual side of things,
Moving more towards the heart,
Emotional.
Descending  closer to the soul,
Spiritual.
I crave the hand that feels for more than my breast,
His eyes that shows me he wants more than a kiss,
I crave something deeper.
Its come to the point where it is my addiction,
Looking for someone that matches my depiction,
A person I can love,
Who loves me back just as much,
No not a soul mate.
Just someone I can learn and grow with,
Vice versa, we'll switch it up.
A person I can trust,
Love knows no bounds and hopefully neither will us.

Never good enough.
Seeking out only my imperfections,
Love never lost,
When it never existed,
Treat me as if I have no heart,
Looking for ways to rip me apart
"We're a family" you say,
Then start acting the part.

Throughout history the eldest were held in high regard,
They claimed thrones,
Never had to fight,
It was their birth right.
I'm the eldest.
Yet there is no throne to claim,
No encouragement,
No love,
They changed the game,
Flipped the script,
Made me the pauper to the prince,
Never embraced my legacy,
They made it clear it was not for me to see,
I suppose I've always held some sort of bitter resentment,
They were seen as a blessing,
Whereas I was the curse manifesting in her womb,
A disgrace.
The one child out of place,
They saw me to be weak,
Meek,
Easy to defeat,
The first born with no claim,
Without a throne,
They never loved me.
I guess I was a mistake.

I never had anyone to look up to,
Growing up I just knew these people weren't who I wanted to be,
Infidelity, Lies, Hypocrisy.
Detachment, ***, Adultery.
These were my role models.
The mother who constantly lied,
The father who laid with different women every night,
Family members who have broken up happy homes,
The step-father infected by his own hypocrisy,
The family home.
Infested by the maggots that lie deep within its rotten core,
The silver fish that swim all around the darkness where the rotten core lies.
How they sleep at night,
Coveted by false respect and love that they believe they are due,
Is beyond my comprehension,
Shrouded by their own demons that serve as their blankets to lay with at night,
Born into a family that refuse to see their own filth and dirt,
Sickening.
They are the **** of the Earth.
Festering boils in place of where their heart used to be,
There are no role models here.
Only me.

He said I was ungrateful.
That I never deserved his attention and affection,
You left me with a life long lesson,
If my own father couldn't love me,
Who was there else to be?
Not my mother...
There was never the possibility,
She said I looked like him,
Adopted his mannerisms,
That I was the living embodiment of him,
She knew I hated to hear it but neither did she care,
It tore me apart to be compared to Him.
Everyone agreed,
Spoke as if it were a compliment,
He was evil...
I was nothing like him,
They say a child born out of hate resembles the devil,
Back then...
I looked like him...
But now,
I look like her...
I guess I'm the product of destruction.
When two evil beings arise,
A demon is spawned.
“You're just like your mum and dad”
“A little bit of both”

Don't try to understand me,
You'll only confuse yourself,
I don't fit in,
No mold can shape me,
I am a question mark on society,
I don't know myself,
So how can anyone else,
I am an oxymoron,
Quiet.
But still so loud in my approach,
Happy yet sad,
Hot yet cold,
I do not know myself..
So how can anyone else?
Sane,
Yet insane all the same,
Sometimes, I feel like there's parts missing from my brain,
A frankinstein...
A monster come to life.
Made of various parts,
Dead but alive,
Talk about myself?
You want to know who I am?
Where do I start...
During my creation I suppose God misplaced a couple of parts,
There are a few screws loose up top,
And slightly lower down,
Take a sharp turn to the left,
You will notice there is no rhythmic beating in my breast,
I am a Mona Lisa.
Unfinished, but there.
She was missing something,
And so am I....



My heart isn't there.

I'm at a point in my life where things aren't entirely clear.

Bleary as before...Yet the fog is so much more.

Thicker, darker, quicker to cover the sky.

The uncertainty settles in, am I going to die?

They silenced me.
Slaughtered my words,
Yet expected me to speak.
My voice suppressed.
Hidden deep within my chest.
"Speak when spoken to",
"Voice only what I want to hear",
This is silence of the lambs my dear.

“I love you” said the Beast,
Then came the liar and the cheat,
Lastyly the one you never see.
All standing before me,
But none love thee.

I'm in love with who they are,
Yes they are handsome and smart,
But their souls are so very attractive,
Voices as smooth as honey,
Their love is intoxicating,
Invigorating,
I only wish to bathe in their scent,
Swim in the depths of their soul as vast and deep as the sea,
They are the ocean to me,
Bearing such a resemblance to the deep,
They will never know how much they truly mean to me,
How they fill me up with such glee,
The lonely soul in me has found a friend,
Friends...
A place where I belong,
A home...
Skin so soft and smooth,
I feel them.
I wish to see them,
But how far-fetched the idea is,
Good things like them...
They do not come near me.

Why do we pretend,
To care for one another,
What do you have to prove?
I would respect you more,
If you dropped this ruse,
You become so infuriated when I tell the truth,
Anger taking over you,
It must **** you inside to face your mistakes,
You play the perfect mother,
Claiming there can never be another,
To take your place.
Arrogant you are,
Oh so arrogant,
Only for the hell of it,
You are not who you claim to be.
Look at me.
I am a broken child.
Descending into adulthood,
All the while never knowing why,
You always favoured them,
Why not me instead,
The least you could do is share the affection,
Treated them as a blessing,
While I was the cancerous infection.

Have you ever been in love with a song,
In love with a voice,
Never knowing who they truly are,
They bring me to tears,
I feel them.
More than ever before,
More and more.
Creeping into my heart,
Awakening my deepest fears,
They speak a foreign language to my ears,
Something out of my comfort zone,
Venturing further and deeper into the unknown,
But the fear subsides and makes way for a new dawn,
The sun sets to prepare for a new day,
Filled with hope,
Excitement,
Expectation,
They are my support,
In a world that has long since been the pressure to keep me down,
Their forces strong,
Gravity holding us down alone,
But they are here now,
Not for long...I know.
But I will enjoy this time,
I will live this life,
A million more lifetimes,
Because of them.
They are what I have been searching for.

Come in sit down!
Hello I am so and so,
Nice to meet you!
How have you been?!
You've been good? A little dim?
I heard you're having some problems,
Please let me in.
It's my job, I'm here to help!

❝...I can never truly feel the way I "felt", because truth be told..they never knew it but I've always needed "help".❞

❝I don't know what to tell you, doctor lady. You seem really nice, but as you can see... We're wasting each other's time.❞

❝They shrugged it off, swept it underneath the rug, DIDN'T GIVE A ****, :) but Doctor lady. Who really cares, I'm "fine" as I am. "This is who I am", they REALLY don't give a ****. They wouldn't love me either way...Even if I wasn't mad♡❞

Open me up,
Spread my lips apart,
Stretch me wider from below,
So you may venture deeper into the unknown,
Deeper than you have ever gone before,
That's all you really want to do,
My mind is of no concern,
But my body appeases you,
You care not for who I am,
Or the value of what I am worth,
All you want to do is throw me in the dirt,
Rough housing,
Sweat cascading slowing down our sides,
Connecting further down below,
Reaching far past our thighs,
Switching positions,
Twisting and turning,
In various ways,
Changing paces as we continue our ***** ways,
Somehow you must have mistaken me as your *****,
Instructing me to stay,
Invading my space,
Forever in my face,
Think me *******?
Why else would you suddenly go mute,
Surprise written on your face,
By the clear rejection I have displayed,
As soon as I refuse your advances,
You take a step back,
Thought me to be easy?
Honey I know better than that.

They killed you a little inside,
Every time a part of you died,
Forever the pain locked in your mind,
You thought it would heal overtime,
They ***** you of the opportunity to feel like one of a kind,
They say that children need love in their lives,
You were the child that survived,
You fought to be here against the demons in your mind,
Who told you it was time to descend into the ground,
And be one with the earth for life,
You are weak but strong,
One that does not belong,
You are one without resolve,
You resonate within you a sad song,
You wish your tale could live on,
Etched in your skin for life,
It is a tattoo in its own right,
Would you like to disappear for the night?
Be the Luna among the stars,
Your sad eyes will show from afar,
You will shine like the star that you are,
You will illuminate the sky,
Pave your way overtime,
I'm sorry that you cannot go back in time,
But young girl was your past ever any better than your present?
Here me now for there is no guardian angel watching over you,
You are an individual split into two,
The darkness and light working through you,
Channel your pain but do not let it consume you,
For you my child will be torn in two.

When you get your hopes up,
Thinking this time that things might actually change,
Trying to keep your mind in a positive frame,
It may not be picture perfect but you try just the same,
To believe in something in a positive way,
But that voice in the back of your head knows better,
It remembers your pain,
Whispering ever so softly,
"Some things never change."

Every day,
Every night,
I fight my demons,
They aren't the same for you as they are for me,
Different demons that only I can see,
Invisible to you,
But so clear to me,
My demons..
My demons..
Only I can see.

Nothing ever goes right for me,
Everything I had,
Taken,
Everyone and everything around me,
Fake,
So artificial that it's almost comical,
Every dream I had,
Destroyed,
Motivation died along with my inspiration,
Soon to be accompanied by my soul,
A walking corpse is what I am soon to be,
No heart,
No soul,
Just an empty,
Living lost entity,
Trying to find her private paradise,
A place to call home,
A heaven away from this hell,
A place to be free of the negativity,
To finally be at peace with myself,
To have the courage to live on,
To live,
To breath, To be me,
To be free...

I grew up in a family where weakness was never shown,
The weak die early that is what I was told,
Survival of the fittest,
Even amongst my kin,
We were never really a family to begin with..
Pretending to be happy,
Full of laughter,
Jokes,
And grins,
Is this how a "family" is supposed to be?
All pretenders...
I've told you once and I will tell you again,
Listen closely,
We were never really a family to begin with..
Turn off the lights and see it for what it truly is,
See them..
See behind their masks,
And fake forms of affection,
We were never really a family to begin with..
We are blood related...
I feel as if I have been poisoned from the inside,
The toxicity within my blood,
Slowly killing me before I gradually die..
They destroyed me,
Shattered my body,
Soul,
And mind,
They must have planned their attack ahead of time,
Decided from birth that I was the one to die..
Sought out to **** me as I was developing,
Within her womb...
I never truly had the time,
The chance,
The choice,
To discover who I was,
To be happy..
To be free..
They killed me before I had the chance to choose,
My destiny..
Before I could talk or walk...
It should come as a surprise to me..
They're supposed to love and take care of me,
But we were never really a family to begin with.
Only concerned for their own existence.

I saw something in her that I believed they should have stamped out,
Left her be and now she acts out,
Continues to rebel,
Always playing the fool,
Yet she remains unscathed,
Disrespectful and quick at the tongue,
Stupid...
Stereotypically others would call her blonde,
She's an imp,
I always knew it,
Saw the evil in her when she was 5,
Not a very nice thing to say I know,
But would you rather hear a lie?
They let her get away with ******,
But never let me step a foot out of line,
She was a messenger from down below,
But they still loved her.
Why?
I was better yet they treated me worse..
Why?
The others are too young,
Yet I still believe they will shine,
I see it in their eyes,
Even though sometimes I'm not so sure,
They're better than her,
The loud mouthed ****.
We may be blood..
Regardless of every fibre in my body, crying out that it couldn't possibly be true,
She was placed on a pedastool.
All my life I have been painted the villian,
When I finally break,
It will be bone chilling.

Trapped in this house that I used to call home,
Face to face everyday with my unlikely foes,
"My protectors"...
"Guardian angels"...
"Carers"...
They aren't who they appear to be,
You must look deeper in order to truly see,
For they are nothing but my enemies in disguise,
Forced to peer into their demonic eyes,
To hear all their lies,
"We love you" they say...
"We care for you, just the same as the rest"...
Lies...
All lies...
For they are nothing but my enemies in disguise,
The ones I despise,
Oh how I wish for their demise.