I like to be called Harley.
Outside of this world I am called by something else,
In the other world I go by another name,
But this name allows me to forget,
Forget who I am and what I've done,
All the things I've ever said,
And those who I let lay too close to my heart,
I'm a liar and a cheat.
I suppose I deserve everything that has ever been done to me,
Deep inside me where evil lies,
I am a spawn of two wicked ties,
Forces joined to birth the child,
Who was never loved,
To summarise..
I was planned but funny enough still a mistake,
Never birthed as a symbol of their love,
Hatred took its place,
How *** can so easily be used,
As not a form of love but only a tool,
To hurt the other all while hurting each other,
I'm here now "mother" and "father".
I am me.
Uncertainty consumes me,
Is this who I really want to be?
Conflicted and confused,
Internally abused,
I used to hurt myself.
Found it to be an escape,
All just a ruse...
A way for me to forget,
I am not me in this minute in time,
I am Harley Quinzel.
The sad little girl,
Mad as a hatter,
I am Harley Quinn.
Call me by no other name,
Not in this place,
This is my space.

Trapped in this house that I used to call home,
Face to face everyday with my unlikely foes,
"My protectors"...
"Guardian angels"...
"Carers"...
They aren't who they appear to be,
You must look deeper in order to truly see,
For they are nothing but my enemies in disguise,
Forced to peer into their demonic eyes,
To hear all their lies,
"We love you" they say...
"We care for you, just the same as the rest"...
Lies...
All lies...
For they are nothing but my enemies in disguise,
The ones I despise,
Oh how I wish for their demise.

I wish I had an outlet for expression,
Music..
Art..
Dance..
Something..
To immerse myself,
To experience the pleasure of doing something that I love,
Something that makes me happy,
Something..
All I have is this book,
All I have are these sad drawn out words,
It is all I have..
These words that perfectly depict my pain,
How I feel like I am going insane,
How I will never be the same,
I can't talk to people,
They can't help me,
I'm slowly losing my mind,
Every single day..
Every time I feel my sanity slowly slipping away,
Out of my reach,
I quickly grab hold of it again,
Only for my grip to loosen,
Trying again to tighten my grip,
Before I lose all of it,
That's how its always been,
I put up a façade,
I hide behind my smile,
I don't want to cry anymore..
I don't want to hurt myself anymore..
I don't want anymore cuts and bruises..
Self-inflicting..
They leave only scars..
Scars I don't want anymore..
Something's wrong with me,
All I want to be is free.

Sometimes I wake up and wonder,
What is it?
What am I lacking?
Why do I feel so incomplete,
Like an unfinished jigsaw puzzle,
A piece of me is missing,
I have always felt this way,
Incomplete...
Empty...
Maybe something is wrong with me,
No...I know there is something wrong with me,
The signs are all there,
For as long as I can remember,
I've known...I've always known,
I just want to be free, Find a place where I can be me,
A place where I belong,
Just trying to find my way,
Piece of mind...
I know I will not find it here,
Not on Earth...
I know I can't talk about it,
No one would understand,
Even I don't know what it is...
But if I were to open my mouth and speak,
To talk about it...
All I could say is,
I'm not happy.

I tried to love but I never knew her.
Father...
Mother...
Sister...
Brother...
I feel as if they would replace me with another,
I was never showered with coveted kisses,
Only slices on the skin,
From the pain that my heart was under siege,
Friends and family,
No one ever really there for me,
Sometimes I even try to leave myself,
But there is no exit in sight,
People can so easily leave me,
Yet I can never really leave myself,
Till death do us part,
Young girl you need help,
Here you are writing down all that you feel,
How pitiful you've become,
You were once made out of steel,
Unable to be touched,
Hurt by simple words,
You used to be strong,
What happened young girl?
Sensitive you are,
Cold to the touch,
Your heart is too warm,
You need to give up,
Hope that you will be saved and freed,
From all those who make it their mission,
To tear you piece by piece,
Limb from limb,
Ligament and bone,
Become steel once again young girl,
Otherwise you will never grow old.
You will stay as you are and die at an early age,
The curtain has been drawn,
You left a ****** stage,
A magnificent performance that you showed,
Unfortunately for you..
Now you will never grow old.

Throughout history the eldest were held in high regard,
They claimed thrones,
Never had to fight,
It was their birth right.
I'm the eldest.
Yet there is no throne to claim,
No encouragement,
No love,
They changed the game,
Flipped the script,
Made me the pauper to the prince,
Never embraced my legacy,
They made it clear it was not for me to see,
I suppose I've always held some sort of bitter resentment,
They were seen as a blessing,
Whereas I was the curse manifesting in her womb,
A disgrace.
The one child out of place,
They saw me to be weak,
Meek,
Easy to defeat,
The first born with no claim,
Without a throne,
They never loved me.
I guess I was a mistake.

Do you hear it?
See it?
Taste and touch,
What is so painfully clear.
Are you insane?
Maybe I should pick at your brain...
Open you up,
And find out what makes you tick,
You claim to be so smart,
But really you're thick,
Nothing more than an ameba,
A smear of dirt upon society,
The worst thing of all,
Is that there's no variety,
There are a million of you,
A dime a dozen,
I mean just look at the government,
***** and rotten,
Choking on the *****,
That is their own corruption,
I'm tired of you,
Run along and continue to do what you do,
When I'm feeling up to it,
I might try and change you,
Seperate you from your body parts,
Try and rearrange you,
Funny enough the only part missing...
Is your heart...
Strangely enough,
I thought you were never supposed to be apart.