i still think of you
all the time.
but i think of him
now too.
and in my brain i'd have to say
you're the darkness
and he's the light.
though the choice may seem obvious,
i can't be with him too long
without wanting a little mystery..

please dont like me too much
i will tear you apart
please dont like me too much
this was over from the start
please dont like me too much
as if im some sort of art
we were never going to make it
when another has my heart

is it comfortable silence

or have we simply run out of things to say

stop please stop
the ******* voices in my head
they're yours
all of them
stop the memories on repeat
the memories of you
stop showing up in my dreams
stop the insanity
give me some ******* peace
stop
please

and it's definitely bittersweet

everything makes me think of you
and i guess thats my fault
for holding on too long.

my partner
my lover
my friend

for making this heavy heart
light

Sometimes, I write you letters.
Yes, letters I never send, but they are letters nonetheless.
And I know he would get mad.  Say I'm still in love with you.
But the thing is, I'm not.
Sometimes I just wanna write you letters.
That's what I see on tv.
That's what Oprah does.

You're beautiful.
I know that you don't see it but you're
   beautiful to me.
I know I'm crazy
   and I know it couldn't happen but
   with you I wanna be.
Cause you
  Bring me joy when I'm feeling sad.
  Calm my temper when I'm feeling mad.
  And with one look at you my heart feels glad.

i think it must be full
i guess we have that in common

here we are
a secret society
essentially strangers
but still alleys in this fight
who encourage, admire, anger, inspire
each other to continue
writing..living
it's said at the end of the day
all you have is yourself
i think we writers have each other
as well
so raise up your pens
call forth the troops
blast out your battle cry
whistle your words
rally together behind the truth of your poetry
and the convictions in your heart

we are here as one
hurting and healing and harmoniously having
our fits of passion, heartbreak, doubt, and discoveries

maybe not in the first line of defense
but really, what's a good fight
without someone to write of it

me

I hate when people ask what's wrong
As my eyes fill up at a sad sad song
Or a movie or a book
They'll take one look
And question my emotional response

But happiness isn't something
We all get for free
Especially girls with broken hearts
Who write bad poetry

i
want
to
die

you said that you love me, that's kind of confusing
you know what i was thinking of
that first time that i saw you
you were so beautiful
i never thought you'd be so exposed to me
but there you were, under me
the sun streaming in the window and illuminating your skin
you were glowing, like you were  my angel
like your purpose for living was to save me from this forsaken place
but somehow between then and now everything has gotten misconstrued
and most days i can't decide if you're my angel or my demon
but either way i'll take you
because you've ****** me into your world
and i know the only escape is death itself
but i don't mind your world
it's the only place i've ever fit in anyway

what ******  me off is that my sister says "i want you to marry him" everyday. okay, i understand he's a nice guy. but i don't love him.
the one time i was in love NO ONE gave a ****. and you want to know why? because i was in love with a girl.
no one said ya'll are so cute together. no one said i want ya'll to get married.
well let me tell you something; people that don't support same *** relationships. you are ignorant.
the love is there. the feelings are there!
why does it bother you.
also, gay DOES NOT equal stupid.
the words aren't synonymous.
"this homework is gay"
"that picture is gay"
"your haircut is gay"
no
no
and no
to the people that use the word gay as a descriptive noun, you are also ignorant.
okay, i'm good for now.

i'm getting tired again
i'm wearing down
things are starting to look bleak
like they used to
i thought it was over
i thought i was done
how do i fix this
myself

"At least drug addicts can be sent to rehab and cured."
As if liking a girl is some kind of illness. As if having a gay sister is a fate worse than death. But she was right about one thing, although the mind can be messed with, the heart is not so easily persuaded..

the sun is shining
while the rain cascades
down my windshield.
and i'm thinking
maybe
the sky is as confused
as me.

you know i'm not mad at you right?
okay, i admit, in the beginning i was.
but not anymore.
it's just, i can't look at you knowing
that you hold everything i've loved in your hands. it just hurts.
i've always hated change.
and i guess i never learned
how to let go.
so until then i'm sorry
but i'll keep looking at the ground.

come out tonight
it will be an adventure*
they chanted to me.
so i went out
to get you off my mind
but it turned into something ugly.
and now i'm scared.
and now i'm alone.
and now i wish you were here.
because the biggest adventure i need
is looking into your eyes.

me lying in an empty tub
whispering everything i hate
about myself

cry
2. *****
3. pray not to wake up

expectations
have a way
of building

these moments
replayed so often
they are made great
before they exist

and sometimes
reality
just doesn't match

when i think of you
i think of seventh grade
we met and you were funny and cool
and i was probably shy and afraid

i think of swimming at memaws pool
you called me amish when you saw my room
that year is when i started to love you
and our friendship began to bloom

i think of letters i think of notes
of watching breaking bad from your bed
and how you were always on my side
no matter what other people said

i think of blueberry toaster strudels
and late night ihop talks
of crazy times at coleman park
while taking random walks

when i think of you i think of home
i think of warmth and i think of joy
yes i'm very blessed that you're my friend
you're an extraordinary boy

my sheets smell like you,
and i'm tired because i didn't sleep
for watching your marvelous face.
i didn't want to miss a second of our last night together.
and in the moments you forget
that you weren't supposed to love me,
and you wrapped your arm around me
i was home.

i think of you
as i drift off
to my sleepy sea.
i think of you
my trevor lee.
i think of your smile
on your face.
as it filled up the room
and lit up the place.
the place that was so gloomy.
until you were there.
your eyes squinty
and your cute little hair.
i wish it could have been more
then just a handshake and a bye.
but your girlfriend never liked me
since she found out i was bi.
so thats what i have to live with now
and i guess that, thats okay.
as long as when we see each other
you promise to say hey..

this chest is like a vault
and i threw away the key
so you never really get to know
this misunderstood me

i'd rather keep who i am buried
all my real thoughts deep inside
then give you time to hate it
i guess i got too much pride

but it's scary
cause this vault has cracks
so sometimes i start to show
and the person that you get to see
isn't someone you want to know

we are all
chaotic
beautiful
messes.
and isn't that kind of nice.

went to an old friend's wedding.
turned to watch her walk the aisle,
and there you were.
a half second glimpse
then i looked to the ground.
i chewed my nails
to the point of bleeding.
and drank my coffee black.
and kept looking at the ground.
because i feel
completely inadequate
when i see your new girl.
and you with someone else
still kills me.
and i cried the whole way home
thinking about the fact
that i'll never
hug you again.

the world is a dark place
and its getting harder to hang on
but if you do
i will
i promise

Remember when our biggest problem was finding a way to be together.
God I wish I could go back.
I'd love you so perfectly  
that you'd never want to leave.

I held my breath
in an attempt to stop the tears.
I think I passed out
before I got there.

i think
i think too much
about stuff i shouldn't
think about
but it's like
everywhere
you've ever been
was soaked
in the essence
of you

I keep getting off track,
but I guess I can’t talk about falling in love
without talking about all that it entangled.
And let me tell you, when you fall in love
it will change every aspect of your life.
It isn’t all laughter and joking around like in the movies.
Sometimes you don’t even get to talk to each other.
Sometimes people don’t even know you’re in love.
But no matter what struggles you go through
it will always seem worth it.
At the end of the day when you’re lying in bed
with an important person’s face splayed across your eyelids
you have a sense of belonging,
and that’s when you know
it will always be worth it.

i layed there
with your arms around me
listening to the tick tick tick
of your watch
and i thought to myself
this is much more comforting
than a heartbeat
because i'll know exactly
when it stops

im so ******* tired of this fight.
everyday its the same.
but not today.
im done.