im so ******* tired of this fight.
everyday its the same.
but not today.
im done.

we're just two needy people
needing each other

your arms feel like home
and i've been homesick
for quite some time

my mind;
a prison i lock myself in
when i need someone the most

I don’t know why I need people so much
when I love being on my own

i could spend hours
thinking of your hair.

somedays, i do.

and no matter how long it's been
your smile lights me up
cant help it

now we can't speak
and the rain hurts my head
and i try to remember
all the words that were said

because this one hurts worse
it's not the same kind of end
before we were anything
we were always best friends

I see you almost daily
in long braided ponytails
and sarcastic smirks
on stranger's faces in a foreign town.

But where it makes sense
I wasn't expecting you.
So I turn
and my heart drops to my stomach
and it's thundering so loud
I feel like my skin will vibrate
off of my body.

And your cousins are there
so grown and beautiful.
I think of the times
we did puzzles
or played soccer in the yard.

No one glances my way
and it's funny
how a second
can feel like an eternity.
And it's funny
how you were my sun
while I'm just a desolate planet.

Seven days have passed since you broke my heart in two
And even though you did me wrong I'm still in love with you
Sometimes when I'm with you I think you want me too
But then you're with her and I know you never do
Or never will
Not again
Not with me at least
We'll be friends
Thats all I get
With that I've made my peace

that each second that passes is a second closer to my death
and i couldnt be more grateful.

I trusted you.
I guess that was my mistake.
To me you were always so perfect,
And now I see that you're fake..
How can I be with a person who doesn't tell the truth?
You said it doesn't matter,
But this afternoon is proof
Now I'm questioning everything we've said, and seen, and done.
Was that day really perfect? Was that day really fun?
I don't think I can be with someone who feeds me constant lies.
Who treats me like the bad guy to put herself in a disguise.
I don't know if I should tell her that I have to let her go,
But I know a relationship like this will never ever grow..

sometimes a memory
will envelop me
a memory
i forgot existed

like laying on a beanbag
as you stroked the hairs
that escaped my braid
while monsters inc played
in the background

and as the world
passes outside the window
my heart recalls that feeling
that feeling of falling in love

i pull on my lip
because i want to look hot.
and lips are hot, right?
i cry more over a character in a book
than a character in my life.
somedays everything seems beautiful.
somedays nothing does.
and
i act like i don't care about a thing.
because being uninterested
makes me interesting,
right?

why do i sit in this parking lot crying
while the birds are outside flapping their wings
why wasnt i made for this life like everyone else seems to be
and why am i so alone
why am i always alone
and why wont the sadness stop
why did you touch me
why did you touch my body
why did you touch my mind
why did you touch my soul
and why did you leave
why wasnt i enough
why am i so **** useless
why am i here
why am i still alive when this doesnt feel like living
why cant i sleep anymore
and why does eating make me sick
why do i try so hard to fill others with love, when i cant even love myself
tell me why

i have so much to be thankful for.
i know that.
but for some reason being surrounded by family all day makes me feel so alone.
and i don't know whats wrong with me.
but i wish someone could fix it.

how many times did we come here
with the intention
of never leaving the car.
and now i'm here
staring out at the abondoned building
we called our home.
and i wish you were here
just to hold my hand.

and i'm overwhelmed again
i'm in that place again
just need to see your face again
i'm tired
i'm breaking
i'm shutting down
and its only been a day
but its like a week or two
and i don't know what to do
or who i am when i'm not with you
just don't get tired of me too
i've been crying a lot
i mean i'm really stressed
i'd understand if you couldn't take it
but please my love lets make it
i can't take more disappointment
all i need is your arms
right now
and maybe i'll be okay

and i wish you could see
that there is hope
in this hopelessness

and someday
when you aren't expecting it
you will see a glimmer
so grab on tightly

because you do matter
even if it feels like
the world would be better
without you

i've been there.

in a place so dark
i thought i'd never see the light again
wishing for something to take me away
from a world that didn't care
or understand

in a world of insomnia
and weightloss
because sleeping and eating
felt complicated too

so it's okay
to not be okay

but i just want to remind you
that you are brave and you are strong
and you are ******* alive.

cried in the shower again
i can't believe it's the end
somehow, a child's my best friend

she just always brightens my day
in her goofy, intelligent way
and i wish that she could stay

but that's the profession i'm in..

i'm lucky
to hear it everyday
from a sweet little girl
that truly believes it

while another wraps her arms around me
and tells me that she missed me
since she last saw me (16 hours earlier)

and a third
twirls circles around me
and tells me she hopes i'm happy

for you see, i'm a teacher
and this year has been the hardest
but they only saw the best in me
even when i didnt deserve it

so love like a child
show your vulnerabilities
tell people what's special about them
and look for the best in each other

and look for the best in yourself

you say you want to be beautiful like me someday
but i can only hope to someday aquire
a beauty as magnificent as yours;
a smile that makes the room warm
a laugh that turns the foulest of moods
a comforting touch to let even the weakest know
everything is going to be alright
i want your carefree crazy moments
and the times when you're so serious nothing can crack your facade
i just want something more than for people to say i'm beautiful
because what is that really...

because even when i cant see you
i know youre there
because
you control the tide
control the mood
because
you make me stop
and stare
and smile
because
you arent afraid to stand out
to be bold
because
youre completely unique
surrounded by things
that could never outshine you

Here I am;
stuffing my face in a Brookeshires parking lot like some ravenous animal, with a cupcake I bought myself.
Writing a half assed poem to pass the time while I wait for a response.
But, we've all been there.. Right?