said my counselor
i'm not sure i know who that is
i responded

you are worthy she said
you are in charge of your happiness

so i'm trying
i'm not sure who i am
but i'm trying to find it

i thought this time i'd be enough
you promised that i would
but something happened,
it always does
now you see that i'm no good

i thought this time was different
but all my life its been the same
no one thinks i'm worth it
and i'm the one to blame

but what remains is, the moon never shines so brightly as it does when i'm sitting beside you. and my heart never feels so full as it does when she's on the other side.

Last night I had a memory, they come and go you know, of the boy on the fallen bicycle. We were in my car, feeding on each other's lips, when I happen to check my surroundings. I saw a boy beside the road, beside a fallen bike. Oh no! I exclaimed and you jumped out of my car immediately to rescue the poor lad. I yanked on my shirt and hurried after you with my pocket knife in hand. I was awkward, and you were perfect; helping him free from the entanglement with gentleness and grace.  You stood him back up, directed him home, and I fell even deeper in love.

Beautifully running down your spine
Repunzal repunzal i call you mine
And i'm sure you're thinking it's just hair , and you think i'm silly too
I** don't care because for me it's what defines you
Don't cut it repunzal, don't cut your hair, i love it so much you wouldn't dare

does it ever get better?

the kids still need their love
the dogs, they have to be fed
no matter how you are feeling
when you first crawl out of bed

you're doing the best that you can
no matter how small that might feel
sometimes accomplishing another day
is really quite a big deal

in the happy and the hard days
life just keeps on going
and even if it's slowly
i think we're always growing

so be gentle with yourself
we're all a little weird
but that's what makes you beautiful
it's nothing to be feared

because my biggest hope
and my biggest fear
is that you'll come back.

on the road
trying to lose her

i found you

i don't know why
but here we are
you pulled me from the dark void
i thought was life
and showed me true possibilities

all the things
i hate about myself
were magnified
and multiplied
when i whispered
i'm sorry.. i'm sorry
and you replied with
its not your fault you're like this
instead of
it's okay

your love is as distant as the stars,
and just as dead.
yet i wish on them every night..

i ******* hate myself
because i have the most
awful feeling
that i'm going to do to you
what she did to me

and you dont deserve that

you said that you smoked too many
tonight, and that wasnt very healthy
but i dont think the tears
soaking into my pillow
are any better
than your **** cigarettes

why
eat
when
i
can
be
beautiful
.

i loved you for the way you grinded your teeth together,
and the way you tucked your braid inside of your hoodie.
i loved you for the freckle in your eye and the burn mark on your chest,
and the way you put your hands in my pockets to keep them warm.
i loved you for the letters you wrote,
and for your compassion,
and your wonder at life.
i loved the way you read,
and the way you smiled,
and especially the way you laughed.
and i loved the way your voice sounded on the phone.

but as you can see, i say l-o-v-e-d. because i can't love you
when you loved me.

maybe love isn’t passion
and flaming fires
and stolen glances

maybe it’s choosing you daily
and giving unlimited
chances

maybe it’s early brunches
and evening dog walks

rather than secret car meetings
and drunken late talks

maybe love is 9 mile hikes
when it starts to rain

and maybe it’s not messages
that cause everyone pain

maybe it’s me and you
maybe it’s you and me
maybe the love we have
is how it’s meant to be

maybe

i hate what i look like
in everything i wear

i hate the way i look
with this newly chopped off hair

i hate that i work out so hard
but still have fat right there

i hate that i compare myself
so harshly with what i see
and make others feel bad
just to be near me

i don't mean to punish you
when i feel like you're succeeding
i just wish you could notice
that i'm sitting here and bleeding

I don't think you understand how fully you obliterated my world, because if you did, I think you'd come back to me.

brown eyes are basic.
thats what they say,
but when the sun shone upon you,
your eyes melted into gems.
and i was captivated.

i realized that you're
more angel than demon.
and your eyes are two
amber stones, stolen
from the baltic sea.

from that point forward
i couldnt be in your presence
without being stunned.
"your eyes are so beautiful"
i said.
they're just brown eyes
you replied.

I'm so ******* selfish.
I disgust myself.
Sitting around on Christmas Eve
waiting for my presents,
while he's waiting for the cops.
He's just a boy.
He didn't mean what he did,
he's just a boy.

I never hug my mom.
And his is on drugs.
Save the boy.
These presents, they are nothing.
I don't want them.
Not anymore.
I wanna save the boy.

I should have known that when I fell in love with someone that made every sunset more
beautiful, and every smile more heartfelt, and every bird chirp the sweetest melody,
I should have known when I fell in love with a girl like her,
that someone else would too.  
Someone else would feel the electricity when she enters a room,
and someone else would notice the baby hair
that flies around her head like a halo.
I should have known someone else would see the freckle in her eye
and the burn on her chest
and marvel at their beauty.  
I thought I was the only one she made beautiful sunsets for,
until I found out that I wasn't. 
And I realized my mistake.

and he was like a spring shower
unexpected
but as he rained down on me
i realized thats exactly what i needed

"there are only two things i want in this world. i want you and i want us."

Missing you is the hardest thing
I've ever had to do
And I'm so tired of pretending I'm okay when I'll never be okay again

and i don't know if that's allowed
or if i'm just too basic of a *****
for it to matter

but i'm dancing in the kitchen
to j cole
and making galaxy cookies
as valeona would call them

and maybe i get the hype

three years ago
i had a broken heart
and i didn't know you
but i asked you for help
and you were there

here we are today
roles reversed
and you told me
i'm lonely
and i layed in bed
and cried for you

i sent you all the hope
and all the love
i had within me
but did you feel it at all

i want you to be okay
because you're my friend
and i love you dearly
you deserve to be okay
even more than okay

i hope you know
i think of you
ying to my yang
lumos to my nox

and i pray you're okay
and i **send you my love

And we're fading
Fading
Fading
And i don't know what to do
I havent got a ******* clue
But i know it was bound to happen

And its crazy
Crazy
Crazy
I thought we were meant to be
I guess you weren't the one for me
Now i know that we'll never happen

But thats alright
I'm okay
I'm gonna make it through
Today's a brighter day

And i'm alright
And you're okay
I'm almost over you
Tomorrow's a brighter day

When you asked for my heart
I gave all four chambers to you.
I painted the walls and hung each picture to your exact specifications.
I put in new carpet and vacuumed the drapes and tilted the couches like so.
And when everything was perfect you moved in, and I finally felt at home.
Then one day you decided to leave but my heart was still made for you.
Still is in fact furnished
just the way you left it.
And when I bring people over, it doesn't quite feel the same.
Because now my heart is a house
not a home.
The chambers are painstakingly empty
waiting for your return.

the rain seems to wash everything new
but now that i'm thinking it through
we never would have worked anyway
because i always had to leave
when you begged me to stay
and i could never sleep
when we were together
because you made me feel alive
even in the gloomy weather.

i dreamed i was
making a snow angel.
but the snow was turning
red. i was dying.
drained of my life. i floated
above and saw my creation.
i smiled, for it was the most
beautiful snow angel
i had ever seen.
pale white. bright red.
**sleep

he said he could see this being forever
and i wish he wouldnt have
the pressure is on
i dont wanna be a heartbreaker
so is this it
is this my future
if it is, is that a bad thing
if he is my future why are you
the one on my mind
why when he kisses me
touches me
do i wish it was you
its just, youre more gentle
yet more aggressive somehow too
and i dont know if its because
hes a boy
so he doesnt know how to handle me
you made me feel like me
completely myself
not caring what others thought
he makes me wanna be better
but why do i need to be better
he said he could see this being forever
and i wish he wouldnt have

she left just now
my precious val

i cried
her mom cried too
told me thanks for all i do

it makes it worth it
all the fights
all her screaming
the hard nights

to know they saw
all i tried to give
to know i mattered
to just one kid

worked tonight. saw my friend trey.
he talked about you, i feel like hell.

apparently you'd been working as well.

he said he knew we dated,
but he didn't know you broke my heart.

i guess when talking about me, you forgot that part.

it's been awhile.
a year? or two?

since the last time when i thought of you.

it's fine, i told myself this time.
it doesn't matter what you think.

but i gave everything i was, and still you let me sink.

you cheated on me years ago.
it seems i haven't mended.

tonight i have gratitude, it ended when it ended.

for when you broke up with me,
yeah i fell apart.

but a few months after that, i got a brand new start.

but i would have stood there
washing dishes
until my hands fell off
just to breath the same air as you

breathing deeply
made it through
the best part is
that i have you

Love *****
   and hurts.
       And for those of us
         that give it freely,
            it hurts the most
               for us.
               But in the end
            we'll keep loving,
         so we can feel
      like we did everything
   we could
to be loved in return.

running towards the mountains
that i know i'll never reach
my lungs are on fire,
and i'm fine with that.
the water rushes by,
the trees engulf me,
and the wildflowers bloom
to remind me that
beauty doesn't need to be
tamed.
for i am merely a speck
on this great, expansive world
and i feel so very free
in my insignificance.

look up
they're limitless
so small i am
meaningless
but they give me
significance

close my eyes. breathe.
they're a part of me
i can almost feel them now

rattle them down
i will
somehow

And why would they,
I suppose,
when half the conversations I have
are with myself.
I just thought New Year
meant clean slate.
And if I tried a little love
it would come right back.
But maybe I don’t know
what love is anymore,
because I never seem to show it
without someone getting angry.
And no matter how I try
it never comes back around.

My parents are happily married, and I've never had to share a room.
Even though I have sisters.
I've never gone hungry.
I've never been abused.
The saddest part of my life is
I wish it were different.
If my parents were divorced
Or I went hungry every night
Or if I had been abused
My feelings would make sense.
But I don't struggle.
Yet I don't want to be here.
My life is like a puzzle
And once it's put together it's the most grand thing you've ever seen.
The only thing wrong with it is me.

I used to love a cheetah.
She was fast and wild and free,
and I believed her when she said
she'd always do the best by me.

But our relationship it ended,
and not how I thought it would;
     with mutual respect
     as a mutual decision
     we'd go our separate ways
     fine with the division.

Well I should have seen it coming,
it was right there in her name,
my cheetah cheated on me
and I admit, I went insane.

I was at the point of no return.
I didn't want to live.
I thought my life was over,
and I had nothing left to give.

But then one night I met a swan
he was filled with beauty and grace.
five months later he said I love you,
as he gently held my face.

He's musical and funny.
He never gives me any strife.
And the best thing about my new love
is that swans, they mate for life.

on days like today
i  can only pray
that my life will end
in a gruesome way.