this is a new kind of broken
and being alone is so scary
but how can i be trusted
if i cant be alone
i need validation
i need someone to look at me
to say to me
you'll be okay
you'll be okay

caught between
asking                                 and
for                                     begging
you                                    you
to                                       not
come                                 to

look in the mirror
what do you see?
ugly
liar
cheater
..or is that only me

look in the mirror
maybe there's more
then this perfect person
you've been striving for

Inside of a bubble -
I can see out, and they can see in,
But they don't talk to me.
They can't hear me,
Or else they don't want to.

Inside of a bubble -
I see the world passing by.
I want to be a part of it,
But I'm scared.
Scared I'll be rejected.

Inside of a bubble -
Negative thoughts, horrible feelings,
All bursting out of my head,
Coming to the surface,
Then echoing back at me.

Inside of a bubble -
I try to get out.
But to do that, I'd need someone like you,
On the outside of my bubble,
To help.

i forgot all the names
i gave to your hurts
and i suppose that's me
moving on

i wish i could burn through
my heart like i burn through
my arm because then maybe
i wouldnt have to feel the way
you betrayed me

tomorrow is the day i break
my own heart by telling you
that we are over because i
simply cant take the way
you **** me anymore

sometimes i feel like i'm in the ocean
and it's okay
because i know how to swim

but then i realize
even the best swimmers
sometimes need a break

and i'm not the best
not by a long shot

I thought you were my best friend
because you promised you'd always love me and be around for me.
You promised I could always talk to you when I needed someone.
But I need someone right now and you aren't around.
I always saw the best in you..
But I guess you aren't one for keeping promises so I shouldn't be surprised.
*But I am.

some would say it's awkward
or uncomfortable
or painful
but i loved the way our teeth clashed
when we kissed
because that's how much
we wanted each other

you beat me to it
the words in my head
cant say i'm surprised
always one step ahead

cause you missed that part
closing your eyes
when you wake up and shower
and think of my thighs

yeah you missed that part
after cooking and breathing
the closing your eyes
to keep me from leaving

but as i was jamming
and noticed whats missing
you wrote it all down
as if you were listening

so maybe you dont
close them anymore
to rattle the stars
as you stand on the floor

every one i've ever kissed,
right here in this park.
two were in midday.
two were after dark.
my first kiss to a boy,
he turned out to be shady.
my second was my first love
a beautiful, smart lady.
the third was to my best friend,
even though he has a wife.
the last was to my current boy
the one I'll have for life.
every time I run here
I get memories, good and bad.
one specific memory
contains the best kiss that I've had.

I don't know what to say
to make things seem okay.

Because they aren't.
I know they're not.
Now that you're cheater,
he got caught.

It makes me angry
and real mad
because I know
you must be sad.

I know what it's like
in your situation.
How lonely you feel.
Full of desperation.

But don't give up the fight.
You're too beautiful for that.
Don't give up your sight.
Of where your poems are at.

You're an artist,
yes a hurt one,
but an artist all the same.
You've been hurt before,
but still stand tall,
just look up at your name.

try for conversation
but you lack the motivation
simple reciprocation
is what i'll settle for

because our interests are divided
but our pathways are united
only sometimes i feel slighted
when i realize that it's true

and yeah you ask about my day
but don't listen to what i say
or do i just feel this way
i think i think too much

Maybe, if I stare at the sun long enough, I can be blinded to my feelings for you...

you ask me if
you should go to florida
i swallow my pride
and say no
i beg you to stay with me
promise to take you
to the beach myself
someday

i turn my cowardice
into courage
and believe in us
more than i believe
in the world's opinions  
of us

I'm only going to say this once,
so you better listen closely.
It isn't you that I hate
it's her, well mostly.
And if you kicked her to the curb
then we could be together.
But since you are infattuated
that will happen never.
This isn't up to me,
you're the one who's choosing.
I'm a winner either way,
you're the one who's losing.

sometimes i wish for a car wreck
sometimes its cancer i seek
because i am disgusting/i am guilty/i am nothing/i am weak
i want a way out of this place
but i dont want to do it myself
cause flowers arent sent
to suicide victims
but rather to kids with bad health

you've tiptoed up behind me
once again

and a part of me wants
to ask you to leave
but the other part missed
the way you curl your arms around me
and take control

because i'm tired of pretending
like i know what i'm doing
and putting on a smile
to make everyone else happy

i just want to be alone
and you seem to know that

depressing
and stressing
*******
my mind
to wrap up my heart
so it won't fall apart
and it can have safety this time

everyone is so focused
on the big picture
that they forget
the most important part of life
is in the details

the little things
that make a person
who they are

coffee or tea
sunsets or sunrises
roses or wildflowers
beaches or mountains

find beauty
in the smallest parts
of someone
because they're
the most important

words are my weapon of choice
but you're a man of action
and i think we're constantly
trying to impress each other
with things that impress ourselves

When I no longer felt the need to live they told me there was a way;
they would cut up my body, sale all the pieces, and that way, I could stay..

They stuck me inside a crane machine,
my arms, my legs, my heart.
Fifty cents was all it took to win yourself a part.

My head it was the first to go, it went to a strange old man.
Who lived down in a basement, and had a secret plan.

My fingers they went next, to some little girls and boys.
The size of them was perfect for the children to use as toys.

The piece of me that went last, was the piece that belonged to you,
and when you walked by the crane machine you knew just what to do.

You put in your two quarters and you grasped the handle tight.
The claw wrapped gently around my heart and didn't give a fight.

You walked to your car, whistling, with my heart held in your hand.
Completely content, my soul was free, because you were my final plan.

When I no longer felt the need to live they told me there was a way;
they would cut up my body, sale all the pieces, and that way, I could stay..

They stuck me inside a crane machine,
my arms, my legs, my heart.
Fifty cents was all it took to win yourself a part.

My head it was the first to go, it went to a strange old man.
Who lived down in a basement, and had a secret plan.

My fingers they went next, to some little girls and boys.
The size of them was perfect for the children to use as toys.

Eventually my brain and my heart were the last items in the case.
An eager young girl ran up and pressed the glass against her face.

She asked her mother curiously, which one should I choose.
Her mother replied, think carefully, for neither I'd want to lose.

The heart can bring you so much joy, but also so much pain.
And the brain can give you answers, but also drive you insane.

The little girl walked away, slowly shaking her head.
I like them both too much to pick just one of them she said.
Then she grabbed herself a chocolate bar and said I'll take this instead.

Do I have a sign on my back that says cheat on me because I'll forgive you?

thats all im told
but when it was me
you didnt give a ****

The sun hasn't shone
in quite a few
     d
        a
          y
            s
And with it went the light
in
my
eyes.
I guess that makes sense
because
sun = life
and
I haven't felt alive
in...

i'm feeling emotional
so i guess i'll let you know
that even though i'm pretending
to be strong
losing you is the hardest thing
i've ever had to do
and if i had one wish
i would make you appear in my bed
just to hold me
all night long

finally realizing something..
we live in our own realities
and i can't be mad
just because your reality was different
from the one i lived in

we hold our dreams so tightly
tuck them against our flesh
until the two become one
and give only a glance
to only a few
because in this world
failure is a lot more plausible
then success

but sometimes dreams come true
and they aren't what you expect
because in your head things are perfect
and pristine and peaceful
but reality is messy
and dreams are only dreams
until they happen

life changes everything,
even promises,
and maybe that's okay.
when you said to me forever
maybe what you meant was
one more day.

but i'm happy to see my forever
lasts as long as yours seemed to,
because i swore my heart
would never heal,
and guess what it's starting to do.

dont pretend you ever cared
because when we were together
her name was always on your lips

long drives and
my thoughts drift to you
remembering times
when i would sing out loud
because you didn't make fun of my voice
remembering times
when i didn't use windshield wipers
because you made me
feel invincible

august, again.
and i'm in a different bed
and a different house
but the same tears fall
as they did a year ago.

and last year they were from
the stress and frustration
of the kids who felt it their life mission
to ignore every word from my lips

this year
from the absence of such.

because best friends with pigtails and converse
just don't come around that often.