i'm an empty shell of a human
there's nothing left of me
you took my heart
you took my joy
and now i'm empty
so no one try to love me
i can't return the favor
i'm an empty shell of a human
loving is too much labor

I used to write in only rhymes
Now I don't remember how.

if life came with instructions
would that make it any easier?

i feel like my world is falling apart
and i wish you were here
to help me pick up the pieces

i was fighting sleep and now it wont come
of course thats how life works
i feel sad
sorry sad
i am horrible and i hate hurting you
i never want to hurt you
i didnt mean to hurt you

but i did
and on christmas
i ****
im sorry
i know its not enough
but its all i have to give
believe it
or not
but i wish you were here right now
because no one should go to sleep angry or sad
and now we both will

i hope you sleep
i hope it comes quickly and lasts until morning
i hope you feel at peace
i hope you dont hate me
i dont want to fight
im sorry that we fought
we're not the people that fight
and my heart is breaking

come back tomorrow
and lets try again
to treat one another
as a best friend
come back tomorrow
and i promise i'll stay
right by your side
and wont turn you away

Late at night I cry so hard I make myself puke.
The tears don't stop until my head is throbbing
my nose is running
I can't see straight.
And I'm crossing my arms in front of my chest, hugging myself tight
to keep my heart together.

Everyone complains about how long my showers take.
I wish they understood that they're my only time to break.
Out of my thoughts and out of my head.
Out of this place, constant swimming with dread.
wet
scrub
rinse
repeat
No need to think
So blissful and sweet.

gosh my hair is one big knot
my eyes are blurred at the edges
i can't think straight
(that's a movie about lesbians by the way)
i want him
and i know you'd be disappointed in me
but he made my hair one big knot
he knows why my eyes are blurred
his lips are what boggle my mind
and you don't know any of this
you aren't allowed to be disappointed

when you don't know me anymore

i woke up to pack
but now it doesnt feel right
because i cant talk to you
and its the middle of the night

i know you made your choice
and i know i made mine
and i have to believe
this will all turn out fine

but things seem more hazy
or maybe more clear
when its 4:42
and you cant be here

do you belive in an after life?
yes
in our after life will you be my girlfriend?*
no i have other plans..
i'm going to marry you.

where the thoughts
make the body feel out of control
and i know i'm self sabotaging
but i don't stop
the self hate
or to look in the mirror
because i know what i see
is a disappointment

and i'm already ******
so i might as well continue
down the vortex of troubling thoughts
onto the dark path of no coming back
at least not tonight

so i might as well continue
eating my feelings and cursing the sky
because i'll never be who i want to be

i might as well continue

..or not

so many times i've said i'm a vault
i'm a lock with no key
that i'm hidden away
and it would take a miracle
for someone to get to me

but that's not it
that's not ******* it at all

i'm surrounded by people
so many people i can't move
crying out for someone to listen
but they don't even look my way

i'm not a vault
i'm an open book
that no one cares to read

I want to cry, purge my body of the hurt - I feel the toxins in the air.
But I can't make a single tear come out, cause I know you just don't care.
And I wait for love all snuggled up in bed, while visions of demons dance in my head.
And they're asking me why I don't give up the fight,
   cause nobody loves me round here tonight.
And even though I know better, I'm thinking that they're right.
I don't want to sound emo, but I want to cut my wrists.
And not just for the fact; I haven't had my first kiss.
That sounds ridiculously stupid, trust me, I know.
But under this rough exterior that's how I want my life to go.
I guess I'm just a dreamer, wanting happily ever afters to come true.
And I really just want my own, so tell me what I have to do.
I want to meet the perfect guy
And have the perfect life.
Then ride off into the sunset like Cinderella, or Snow White.
So how does all this happiness fit in with a girl like me?
I don't know either, I guess we'll have to wait and see.

the bus
your old bed
watching captain america
my car
savannah's floor
the locker room
my bed
the nature trail
your new bed
your friend's bed
my new car
my new car
*my new car

i don't think i knew what it meant
to be alive
until you came into my life
whispering words
that wrapped around me
like a blanket
in the middle of the night
when everything felt vulnerable
and everything felt possible

you're the song that's in my head
but it's hard to keep from crying
because when you aren't around
my whole spirit's slowly dying
and don't think that i'm a fool,
cause i know you're never ever coming
back
to me
i just wish you'd see, that baby we're meant to be

wanted it both ways
but i couldn't have that
and now i have neither
yeah i fell flat

my heart is so fickle
and yours so steady
i was trying my hardest
but i just wasn't ready

now it doesn't matter
it's come to an end
i wish i didn't have to
lose a best friend

that's part of the deal
i know that it's true
but i don't really know
what i'm supposed to do

tired of laying in the tub

crying on a sunday afternoon

feeling like i'll always be useless

someday,
i'll outrun it all

and that's the worst part
of an empty room
the thoughts
can't be distracted

i need human interaction
and crowds don't count
i need someone
to look me in the eyes
when i talk
then tell me
everything's going to
be *okay

i can never tell
if this feeling in my gut
is because of the way i want you,
or for the fact i can't eat
when you're not around..

of thunder, who shakes and rattles the earth
of lightning, who illuminates the sky
of rain, who beats against the window and stings your skin with her kisses

because I, I adore them
and maybe that's why I adored you
because you
were the most perfect storm of them all

another day

bad guy again

try for kindness

drown in sin

i burned myself not for pleasure.
i burned myself not for pain.
i burned myself so maybe you'd notice me and maybe you'd care enough to make me stop.

It feels so foreign,
but for once in my life
I wanna crawl in to bed with you
and just lay there until I fall asleep.
Not because of a scary storm,
but because I'm tired of feeling so desperately alone.
I know you'd call me stupid.
You'd say she isn't worth my tears.
So I'll just stay in bed and squeeze mr. bear with all of my might.
And maybe tonight you'll have a nightmare, and you'll need me too.

i saw some pretty flowers
by the road today
i almost stopped to pick them
but instead i let them stay

because when i saw the flowers
i was thinking of you
and i knew you would reject them
like you always do

so maybe its a good thing
that your love for me has faded
because now the world has flowers left
for some other girl thats jaded

Dead and trampled on the floor are the promises you gave me.
Just like the flowers in my car,
the ones you picked for me.
And everything there ever was between us is on trial.
I'm the jury, judgements out, you're the guilty party.
No punishment grand enough for the  crimes you have committed.
Death penalty for sure.
*Death penalty for sure.

Such a simple phrase, isn't it?
And yet it is such a hard act.
I still want to be with you all the time,
but when we're together I hurt.
I hurt because I want to love you,
and when you touch me in a seemingly innocent way I want to melt into your skin and live there in your safety.
I want to get off work and see a message waiting from you.
But I don't.
And that's why being friends is such a hard thing to follow.
Because I still want you,
but you don't want me.

i guess every family has one.
i just wish it wasn't me.
no one understands,
but why's it hard to see?
that words can actually hurt
and people arent made of stone.
no matter how hard they seem
or how much you think they've grown.
..

I unfollow you but it isn't enough.
Because you're so great that your poems trend. And I can't stop myself.
"you're the letters to my words
and the words to my poems."
Couldnt have said it better myself.
To you.
You never wrote for me.
Even when you "loved" me.
Guess I wasnt enough.
Because I'm never enough.

what makes me saddest when i think of you, as i admit i sometimes do
is the future we planned, that will never come true

but i cant complain
i'm luckier than most
i didnt get the dreamhouse
but i **** sure did get close

don't tell me to breathe
when you don't understand
how labored every breath is.
you don't understand what it's like
to lose your best friend
your heart
your reason to live.
don't tell me to breathe
when you're the reason i can't.