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--
harlee kae Jun 2014
--
i'm an empty shell of a human
there's nothing left of me
you took my heart
you took my joy
and now i'm empty
so no one try to love me
i can't return the favor
i'm an empty shell of a human
loving is too much labor
..
harlee kae Apr 2014
..
I used to write in only rhymes
Now I don't remember how.
..
harlee kae Mar 2019
..
if life came with instructions
would that make it any easier?
&
harlee kae Jul 2014
&
I'm sorry my world
is on your shoulders.
I know you didn't ask
for that responsibility.
And I completely understand
when you get too tired
and it comes crashing
down.
harlee kae Dec 2018
i feel like my world is falling apart
and i wish you were here
to help me pick up the pieces
harlee kae Jun 2017
i was fighting sleep and now it wont come
of course thats how life works
i feel sad
sorry sad
i am horrible and i hate hurting you
i never want to hurt you
i didnt mean to hurt you

but i did
and on christmas
i ****
im sorry
i know its not enough
but its all i have to give
believe it
or not
but i wish you were here right now
because no one should go to sleep angry or sad
and now we both will

i hope you sleep
i hope it comes quickly and lasts until morning
i hope you feel at peace
i hope you dont hate me
i dont want to fight
im sorry that we fought
we're not the people that fight
and my heart is breaking

come back tomorrow
and lets try again
to treat one another
as a best friend
come back tomorrow
and i promise i'll stay
right by your side
and wont turn you away
harlee kae Feb 2014
Late at night I cry so hard I make myself puke.
The tears don't stop until my head is throbbing
my nose is running
I can't see straight.
And I'm crossing my arms in front of my chest, hugging myself tight
to keep my heart together.
harlee kae Mar 2015
the world is kind of unfair.
how someone other than you
can decide your future.

how one day they say
i dont love you anymore
and its over. against your will.

yeah the world is kind of unfair
like that.
harlee kae Jul 2014
Everyone complains about how long my showers take.
I wish they understood that they're my only time to break.
Out of my thoughts and out of my head.
Out of this place, constant swimming with dread.
wet
scrub
rinse
repeat
No need to think
So blissful and sweet.
harlee kae Jul 2017
gosh my hair is one big knot
my eyes are blurred at the edges
i can't think straight
(that's a movie about lesbians by the way)
i want him
and i know you'd be disappointed in me
but he made my hair one big knot
he knows why my eyes are blurred
his lips are what boggle my mind
and you don't know any of this
you aren't allowed to be disappointed

when you don't know me anymore
harlee kae Apr 2014
Like the dirt under your feet
I'm trampled on
I'm crushed
I'm insignificant
And at the end of the day you wash me off
Like a bad memory
harlee kae Mar 2019
i woke up to pack
but now it doesnt feel right
because i cant talk to you
and its the middle of the night

i know you made your choice
and i know i made mine
and i have to believe
this will all turn out fine

but things seem more hazy
or maybe more clear
when its 4:42
and you cant be here
harlee kae Sep 2014
some days i convince myself that i'm completely fine. and others all i do is stare into space thinking fuckfuckfuck and trying not to cry.
some nights i fall asleep peacefully as soon as my head hits the pillow. and others i can't force my eyes to shut for the tears streaming out.
sometimes i tell myself i dont need you at all. others i tell myself the truth.
harlee kae Sep 2019
i stare up
stretch my arms above my head
try to breathe the stars
into my lungs
as they surround me with their vastness
and make me feel so alive
yet so alone

but i think i saw one shooting
and maybe that's a sign
that they shine, not in spite,
but for me
harlee kae Jun 2014
do you belive in an after life?
yes
in our after life will you be my girlfriend?*
no i have other plans..
i'm going to marry you.
i'm infattuated with this marvelous creature. if only she were mine.
harlee kae Jun 2018
where the thoughts
make the body feel out of control
and i know i'm self sabotaging
but i don't stop
the self hate
or to look in the mirror
because i know what i see
is a disappointment

and i'm already ******
so i might as well continue
down the vortex of troubling thoughts
onto the dark path of no coming back
at least not tonight

so i might as well continue
eating my feelings and cursing the sky
because i'll never be who i want to be

i might as well continue

..or not
harlee kae Dec 2014
they say,
you can get addicted to anything
they say,
i was addicted to you.
six months later
and i finally believe them.
because it's 4:48 am
and i've got the shakes
harlee kae Jul 2018
i dreamt about you.
it was the beginning,
we had just met.
when everything was exciting
and beautiful.
before cowardice
or the world
got in the way.
and in that second
before i opened my eyes
i missed you so much
i ached.
harlee kae Jan 2020
new year
overcast sky
cold surrounds me
i want to cry

i try to be different
i try to find change
but embracing joy
is foreign and strange

living's still hard
when will that stop
i submit to the challenge
to not be a prop

in my own life
i will take back the lead
i will rattle the stars
seek adventures i need
crazy that the first two paragraphs were written before counseling and the last after.. close your eyes. breathe. find someone to talk to and live your life.
harlee kae Jan 2020
so many times i've said i'm a vault
i'm a lock with no key
that i'm hidden away
and it would take a miracle
for someone to get to me

but that's not it
that's not ******* it at all

i'm surrounded by people
so many people i can't move
crying out for someone to listen
but they don't even look my way

i'm not a vault
i'm an open book
that no one cares to read
harlee kae Jan 2014
I want to cry, purge my body of the hurt - I feel the toxins in the air.
But I can't make a single tear come out, cause I know you just don't care.
And I wait for love all snuggled up in bed, while visions of demons dance in my head.
And they're asking me why I don't give up the fight,
   cause nobody loves me round here tonight.
And even though I know better, I'm thinking that they're right.
I don't want to sound emo, but I want to cut my wrists.
And not just for the fact; I haven't had my first kiss.
That sounds ridiculously stupid, trust me, I know.
But under this rough exterior that's how I want my life to go.
I guess I'm just a dreamer, wanting happily ever afters to come true.
And I really just want my own, so tell me what I have to do.
I want to meet the perfect guy
And have the perfect life.
Then ride off into the sunset like Cinderella, or Snow White.
So how does all this happiness fit in with a girl like me?
I don't know either, I guess we'll have to wait and see.
harlee kae Sep 2014
the bus
your old bed
watching captain america
my car
savannah's floor
the locker room
my bed
the nature trail
your new bed
your friend's bed
my new car
my new car
*my new car
harlee kae Jul 2017
i don't think i knew what it meant
to be alive
until you came into my life
whispering words
that wrapped around me
like a blanket
in the middle of the night
when everything felt vulnerable
and everything felt possible
harlee kae Sep 2017
one
of
those
lonely
nights
harlee kae Oct 2014
you're the song that's in my head
but it's hard to keep from crying
because when you aren't around
my whole spirit's slowly dying
and don't think that i'm a fool,
cause i know you're never ever coming
back
to me
i just wish you'd see, that baby we're meant to be
much better as a song in my head than a poem
harlee kae Mar 2019
wanted it both ways
but i couldn't have that
and now i have neither
yeah i fell flat

my heart is so fickle
and yours so steady
i was trying my hardest
but i just wasn't ready

now it doesn't matter
it's come to an end
i wish i didn't have to
lose a best friend

that's part of the deal
i know that it's true
but i don't really know
what i'm supposed to do
harlee kae Apr 2015
tired of laying in the tub

crying on a sunday afternoon

feeling like i'll always be useless
harlee kae Jan 2014
all my life all i've ever wanted was love.
true, magical, fairy tale love.
but you took me and my naive self and you broke my trust,
you broke my belief,
and fairy tales seemed far away.
unreachable.
and then there was Her.
i didn't expect to fall in love
with a girl.
never ever did i expect to fall in love with a girl.
but when you feel it, you know
i felt it
with ever fiber of my broken down being,
i knew.
and she is love.
harlee kae May 2019
someday,
i'll outrun it all
harlee kae Nov 2017
and that's the worst part
of an empty room
the thoughts
can't be distracted

i need human interaction
and crowds don't count
i need someone
to look me in the eyes
when i talk
then tell me
everything's going to
be *okay
harlee kae Oct 2015
okay so here I sit all alone
in a very crowded room
and I hate myself again
for being this way
concerts
are
supposed
to
be
fun
but the crowd pressed against me
way too tight
I couldn't breath
so many strangers
from every direction
I had to get out
I had to leave you
and I'm sorry
I really wish I wasn't this way
now I want to go back
I'm lonely
but there's too many people
harlee kae Jul 2014
i can never tell
if this feeling in my gut
is because of the way i want you,
or for the fact i can't eat
when you're not around..
harlee kae Apr 2015
your skin sets me on fire
and my god i love the burn
your stare fuels my desire
your kiss oh how i yearn
to be touched by you forever
consumed by your embrace
your fingertips caress my soul
as they caress my face
stay with me for always
thats my one and only plea
ive been so lost, but now im found
my love you set me free
harlee kae Jul 2017
of thunder, who shakes and rattles the earth
of lightning, who illuminates the sky
of rain, who beats against the window and stings your skin with her kisses

because I, I adore them
and maybe that's why I adored you
because you
were the most perfect storm of them all
harlee kae May 2019
talk conspiracies to me
harlee kae Apr 2019
do/did you take medication
for your mental health?

what was your experience?
i'm just trying to make it all make sense
harlee kae Apr 2019
another day

bad guy again

try for kindness

drown in sin
so don't be proud of me
harlee kae Jun 2014
i burned myself not for pleasure.
i burned myself not for pain.
i burned myself so maybe you'd notice me and maybe you'd care enough to make me stop.
harlee kae Sep 2014
It feels so foreign,
but for once in my life
I wanna crawl in to bed with you
and just lay there until I fall asleep.
Not because of a scary storm,
but because I'm tired of feeling so desperately alone.
I know you'd call me stupid.
You'd say she isn't worth my tears.
So I'll just stay in bed and squeeze mr. bear with all of my might.
And maybe tonight you'll have a nightmare, and you'll need me too.
harlee kae Dec 2014
i know i dwell on the sadness
entirely too much.
and then i let it drag me down until i can't even breath properly.
i know i say i have nothing,
because without you,
it kinda feels that way.
but the truth is, i live a privileged life.
i have chris who makes me laugh,
myrka who always listens,
and emely who knows what to say.
i have miguel who calls me pretty,
rigo who eases the stress,
and trevor who gives me adventure.
i have abbs who teaches me it's okay to be myself,
savannah who makes me feel worthly,
and my babies who light up my world.
lucky doesn't even begin to describe
the world in which i live.
harlee kae Oct 2014
i saw some pretty flowers
by the road today
i almost stopped to pick them
but instead i let them stay

because when i saw the flowers
i was thinking of you
and i knew you would reject them
like you always do

so maybe its a good thing
that your love for me has faded
because now the world has flowers left
for some other girl thats jaded
harlee kae Apr 2014
Dead and trampled on the floor are the promises you gave me.
Just like the flowers in my car,
the ones you picked for me.
And everything there ever was between us is on trial.
I'm the jury, judgements out, you're the guilty party.
No punishment grand enough for the  crimes you have committed.
Death penalty for sure.
*Death penalty for sure.
harlee kae Jun 2014
Such a simple phrase, isn't it?
And yet it is such a hard act.
I still want to be with you all the time,
but when we're together I hurt.
I hurt because I want to love you,
and when you touch me in a seemingly innocent way I want to melt into your skin and live there in your safety.
I want to get off work and see a message waiting from you.
But I don't.
And that's why being friends is such a hard thing to follow.
Because I still want you,
but you don't want me.
harlee kae May 2019
okay, draw me your favorite moment..

my favorite moment is when i met you
before i met you i always got in trouble
after you i was better
after you my life started to change
now i can read and write better

ms. schulz.. are you about to cry

yes. probably.
my sweet val, can i adopt you?
harlee kae Mar 2019
you never let me down
i hope you know its true
a million things have crashed and burned
not one of them is you
harlee kae Jul 2014
there's ant bites
on the backs of my legs
from sitting with you
at the pond,
and dipping our toes in the water
for the baby leeches morning snack.
and the bites are throbbing
in time with my heart,
which aches for your presence.
and my aching heart
is a nice accompaniment
for the aching between my legs.
which longs to be filled with you.
like i was yesterday.
*but that was yesterday.
harlee kae Jul 2015
i guess every family has one.
i just wish it wasn't me.
no one understands,
but why's it hard to see?
that words can actually hurt
and people arent made of stone.
no matter how hard they seem
or how much you think they've grown.
..
harlee kae Sep 2014
I unfollow you but it isn't enough.
Because you're so great that your poems trend. And I can't stop myself.
"you're the letters to my words
and the words to my poems."
Couldnt have said it better myself.
To you.
You never wrote for me.
Even when you "loved" me.
Guess I wasnt enough.
Because I'm never enough.
harlee kae Feb 2015
what makes me saddest when i think of you, as i admit i sometimes do
is the future we planned, that will never come true

but i cant complain
i'm luckier than most
i didnt get the dreamhouse
but i **** sure did get close
harlee kae Mar 2015
don't tell me to breathe
when you don't understand
how labored every breath is.
you don't understand what it's like
to lose your best friend
your heart
your reason to live.
don't tell me to breathe
when you're the reason i can't.
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