The sun hasn't shone
in quite a few
     d
        a
          y
            s
And with it went the light
in
my
eyes.
I guess that makes sense
because
sun = life
and
I haven't felt alive
in...

do you belive in an after life?
yes
in our after life will you be my girlfriend?*
no i have other plans..
i'm going to marry you.

come out tonight
it will be an adventure*
they chanted to me.
so i went out
to get you off my mind
but it turned into something ugly.
and now i'm scared.
and now i'm alone.
and now i wish you were here.
because the biggest adventure i need
is looking into your eyes.

why
eat
when
i
can
be
beautiful
.

words are my weapon of choice
but you're a man of action
and i think we're constantly
trying to impress each other
with things that impress ourselves

i want to stab you in the heart.
red trickles out like rain.
then pull the knife out gently
and take away your pain.
i want to heal you with my fingers.
trace them down your spine.
i want to let you bleed out slowly
because you were never mine.

When I no longer felt the need to live they told me there was a way;
they would cut up my body, sale all the pieces, and that way, I could stay..

They stuck me inside a crane machine,
my arms, my legs, my heart.
Fifty cents was all it took to win yourself a part.

My head it was the first to go, it went to a strange old man.
Who lived down in a basement, and had a secret plan.

My fingers they went next, to some little girls and boys.
The size of them was perfect for the children to use as toys.

The piece of me that went last, was the piece that belonged to you,
and when you walked by the crane machine you knew just what to do.

You put in your two quarters and you grasped the handle tight.
The claw wrapped gently around my heart and didn't give a fight.

You walked to your car, whistling, with my heart held in your hand.
Completely content, my soul was free, because you were my final plan.

i would cut open my veins
if i could bleed out your wishes

just for a chance
to see you smile
at me

me lying in an empty tub
whispering everything i hate
about myself

when i think of you
i think of seventh grade
we met and you were funny and cool
and i was probably shy and afraid

i think of swimming at memaws pool
you called me amish when you saw my room
that year is when i started to love you
and our friendship began to bloom

i think of letters i think of notes
of watching breaking bad from your bed
and how you were always on my side
no matter what other people said

i think of blueberry toaster strudels
and late night ihop talks
of crazy times at coleman park
while taking random walks

when i think of you i think of home
i think of warmth and i think of joy
yes i'm very blessed that you're my friend
you're an extraordinary boy

and i wonder,
do you ever think of her
and what you could have been.
futures that were planned
but never successfully played out?

do you ever hear a song
that instantly takes you to a place
belonging to you and her
and nobody else?

do you ever compare me
and think of all the ways i fail
where she would have succeeded?

its okay,
if you do,
i would understand.

because memories have a way
of sticking around,
especially the good ones,
especially if you don't want them to.

te amo. te quiero. te adoro. te extrano.

i wish i could burn through
my heart like i burn through
my arm because then maybe
i wouldnt have to feel the way
you betrayed me

tomorrow is the day i break
my own heart by telling you
that we are over because i
simply cant take the way
you **** me anymore

three years ago
i had a broken heart
and i didn't know you
but i asked you for help
and you were there

here we are today
roles reversed
and you told me
i'm lonely
and i layed in bed
and cried for you

i sent you all the hope
and all the love
i had within me
but did you feel it at all

i want you to be okay
because you're my friend
and i love you dearly
you deserve to be okay
even more than okay

i hope you know
i think of you
ying to my yang
lumos to my nox

and i pray you're okay
and i **send you my love

the bus
your old bed
watching captain america
my car
savannah's floor
the locker room
my bed
the nature trail
your new bed
your friend's bed
my new car
my new car
*my new car

I thought you were my best friend
because you promised you'd always love me and be around for me.
You promised I could always talk to you when I needed someone.
But I need someone right now and you aren't around.
I always saw the best in you..
But I guess you aren't one for keeping promises so I shouldn't be surprised.
*But I am.

i guess every family has one.
i just wish it wasn't me.
no one understands,
but why's it hard to see?
that words can actually hurt
and people arent made of stone.
no matter how hard they seem
or how much you think they've grown.
..

I trusted you.
I guess that was my mistake.
To me you were always so perfect,
And now I see that you're fake..
How can I be with a person who doesn't tell the truth?
You said it doesn't matter,
But this afternoon is proof
Now I'm questioning everything we've said, and seen, and done.
Was that day really perfect? Was that day really fun?
I don't think I can be with someone who feeds me constant lies.
Who treats me like the bad guy to put herself in a disguise.
I don't know if I should tell her that I have to let her go,
But I know a relationship like this will never ever grow..

i don't know why
but here we are
you pulled me from the dark void
i thought was life
and showed me true possibilities

tired of laying in the tub

crying on a sunday afternoon

feeling like i'll always be useless

like the way
his tiny hand reaches for mine
as we line up for lunch

or the way
she says she loves my sweater
even if its the same as the day before

or the way
20 pairs of eyes light up
when i say the word experiment

yeah, some things are beautiful
like the flower
he picked me on the playground
or the moment she could finally
read the word as

and i wouldn't trade those moments
for all the money in the world.

i ******* hate myself
because i have the most
awful feeling
that i'm going to do to you
what she did to me

and you dont deserve that

you said that you smoked too many
tonight, and that wasnt very healthy
but i dont think the tears
soaking into my pillow
are any better
than your **** cigarettes

you say you want to be beautiful like me someday
but i can only hope to someday aquire
a beauty as magnificent as yours;
a smile that makes the room warm
a laugh that turns the foulest of moods
a comforting touch to let even the weakest know
everything is going to be alright
i want your carefree crazy moments
and the times when you're so serious nothing can crack your facade
i just want something more than for people to say i'm beautiful
because what is that really...

will i ever learn that i'm not enough
that even though you think i'm beautiful she must be more beautiful
and even though you think i'm special she must be more special
and even though you say you love me she must be loved more
because if she wasn't, **you would have picked me

"there are only two things i want in this world. i want you and i want us."

I unfollow you but it isn't enough.
Because you're so great that your poems trend. And I can't stop myself.
"you're the letters to my words
and the words to my poems."
Couldnt have said it better myself.
To you.
You never wrote for me.
Even when you "loved" me.
Guess I wasnt enough.
Because I'm never enough.

And now I'm hungry.
I thought *** is what made me
so carnivorous,
but now I see that all I need
is to breath you in.
That alone creates an expanse that
needs to be filled.
And if not by the taste
of your tongue
then meats and breads
must suffice.

caught between
asking                                 and
for                                     begging
you                                    you
to                                       not
come                                 to

You're beautiful.
I know that you don't see it but you're
   beautiful to me.
I know I'm crazy
   and I know it couldn't happen but
   with you I wanna be.
Cause you
  Bring me joy when I'm feeling sad.
  Calm my temper when I'm feeling mad.
  And with one look at you my heart feels glad.

i think of you
as i drift off
to my sleepy sea.
i think of you
my trevor lee.
i think of your smile
on your face.
as it filled up the room
and lit up the place.
the place that was so gloomy.
until you were there.
your eyes squinty
and your cute little hair.
i wish it could have been more
then just a handshake and a bye.
but your girlfriend never liked me
since she found out i was bi.
so thats what i have to live with now
and i guess that, thats okay.
as long as when we see each other
you promise to say hey..

dont pretend you ever cared
because when we were together
her name was always on your lips

depressing
and stressing
*******
my mind
to wrap up my heart
so it won't fall apart
and it can have safety this time

i gave you the key to my heart,
and i was foolish enough to only make one copy.
but you don't want me anymore,
so i guess it got lost in the move.