brown eyes are basic.
thats what they say,
but when the sun shone upon you,
your eyes melted into gems.
and i was captivated.

i realized that you're
more angel than demon.
and your eyes are two
amber stones, stolen
from the baltic sea.

from that point forward
i couldnt be in your presence
without being stunned.
"your eyes are so beautiful"
i said.
they're just brown eyes
you replied.

please dont like me too much
i will tear you apart
please dont like me too much
this was over from the start
please dont like me too much
as if im some sort of art
we were never going to make it
when another has my heart

why
eat
when
i
can
be
beautiful
.

te amo. te quiero. te adoro. te extrano.

i still think of you
all the time.
but i think of him
now too.
and in my brain i'd have to say
you're the darkness
and he's the light.
though the choice may seem obvious,
i can't be with him too long
without wanting a little mystery..

I'm so ******* selfish.
I disgust myself.
Sitting around on Christmas Eve
waiting for my presents,
while he's waiting for the cops.
He's just a boy.
He didn't mean what he did,
he's just a boy.

I never hug my mom.
And his is on drugs.
Save the boy.
These presents, they are nothing.
I don't want them.
Not anymore.
I wanna save the boy.

i layed there
with your arms around me
listening to the tick tick tick
of your watch
and i thought to myself
this is much more comforting
than a heartbeat
because i'll know exactly
when it stops

he said he could see this being forever
and i wish he wouldnt have
the pressure is on
i dont wanna be a heartbreaker
so is this it
is this my future
if it is, is that a bad thing
if he is my future why are you
the one on my mind
why when he kisses me
touches me
do i wish it was you
its just, youre more gentle
yet more aggressive somehow too
and i dont know if its because
hes a boy
so he doesnt know how to handle me
you made me feel like me
completely myself
not caring what others thought
he makes me wanna be better
but why do i need to be better
he said he could see this being forever
and i wish he wouldnt have

you say you want to be beautiful like me someday
but i can only hope to someday aquire
a beauty as magnificent as yours;
a smile that makes the room warm
a laugh that turns the foulest of moods
a comforting touch to let even the weakest know
everything is going to be alright
i want your carefree crazy moments
and the times when you're so serious nothing can crack your facade
i just want something more than for people to say i'm beautiful
because what is that really...

i have so much to be thankful for.
i know that.
but for some reason being surrounded by family all day makes me feel so alone.
and i don't know whats wrong with me.
but i wish someone could fix it.

Here I am;
stuffing my face in a Brookeshires parking lot like some ravenous animal, with a cupcake I bought myself.
Writing a half assed poem to pass the time while I wait for a response.
But, we've all been there.. Right?

what ******  me off is that my sister says "i want you to marry him" everyday. okay, i understand he's a nice guy. but i don't love him.
the one time i was in love NO ONE gave a ****. and you want to know why? because i was in love with a girl.
no one said ya'll are so cute together. no one said i want ya'll to get married.
well let me tell you something; people that don't support same *** relationships. you are ignorant.
the love is there. the feelings are there!
why does it bother you.
also, gay DOES NOT equal stupid.
the words aren't synonymous.
"this homework is gay"
"that picture is gay"
"your haircut is gay"
no
no
and no
to the people that use the word gay as a descriptive noun, you are also ignorant.
okay, i'm good for now.

i don't even like that word (or *******)
they're both nasty words.
but that isn't the point.
the point is intimacy is like climbing a staircase that only goes up.
i don't like that either.
today you kissed me for a minute.
so tomorrow it will be two.
today you took my shirt off,
so will it always come off now?
i'm rather fond of my shirt.

i think i would give anything
to redue our relationship.
even if it ended the same horrible way.
just to get to feel what its like when you loved me.

give me your secrets.
the ones behind the closed door,
with the rusted on lock,
because its been a long time since anyone has entered.
spread me open and lick my wounds
until i've muttered your name so many times i'll never be able to forget it.
show me something that will make me forget the hours i've spent crying.
and love me.
just love me.
as if i were a sailboat,
and you were the sea,
and all we needed was each other.

the world is a dark place
and its getting harder to hang on
but if you do
i will
i promise

i saw some pretty flowers
by the road today
i almost stopped to pick them
but instead i let them stay

because when i saw the flowers
i was thinking of you
and i knew you would reject them
like you always do

so maybe its a good thing
that your love for me has faded
because now the world has flowers left
for some other girl thats jaded

cry
2. *****
3. pray not to wake up

i wish the sadness would go away
but it collects on my skin
like tiny dust particles
and it slowly suffocates me  
until theres nothing left
but an empty carcass
that longs for more

i loved you for the way you grinded your teeth together,
and the way you tucked your braid inside of your hoodie.
i loved you for the freckle in your eye and the burn mark on your chest,
and the way you put your hands in my pockets to keep them warm.
i loved you for the letters you wrote,
and for your compassion,
and your wonder at life.
i loved the way you read,
and the way you smiled,
and especially the way you laughed.
and i loved the way your voice sounded on the phone.

but as you can see, i say l-o-v-e-d. because i can't love you
when you loved me.

the rain seems to wash everything new
but now that i'm thinking it through
we never would have worked anyway
because i always had to leave
when you begged me to stay
and i could never sleep
when we were together
because you made me feel alive
even in the gloomy weather.

i gave you the key to my heart,
and i was foolish enough to only make one copy.
but you don't want me anymore,
so i guess it got lost in the move.

if the moon fell down tonight,
i swear to you my dear,
i'd spend my last few minutes
dreaming you were here.
we'd lie in bed together,
your hand upon my cheek
as the world goes cold, oxygen fades
and our bodies; they grow weak.
we'd hold each other tightly,
drifting into space.
if the moon fell down tonight, i vow
to spend the last few minutes
staring at your face.

you're the only light,
and the only warmth,
i've ever needed anyway.
if the moon fell down tonight, my love
i pray you'd come, and that you'd stay.
but if the moon stayed tonight,
up there in that sky,
i'd do what i do everynight;
i'd lay in bed and cry.

some would say it's awkward
or uncomfortable
or painful
but i loved the way our teeth clashed
when we kissed
because that's how much
we wanted each other

you're the song that's in my head
but it's hard to keep from crying
because when you aren't around
my whole spirit's slowly dying
and don't think that i'm a fool,
cause i know you're never ever coming
back
to me
i just wish you'd see, that baby we're meant to be

why do i sit in this parking lot crying
while the birds are outside flapping their wings
why wasnt i made for this life like everyone else seems to be
and why am i so alone
why am i always alone
and why wont the sadness stop
why did you touch me
why did you touch my body
why did you touch my mind
why did you touch my soul
and why did you leave
why wasnt i enough
why am i so **** useless
why am i here
why am i still alive when this doesnt feel like living
why cant i sleep anymore
and why does eating make me sick
why do i try so hard to fill others with love, when i cant even love myself
tell me why

i never realized how much i depended on you until you disappeared.

because my biggest hope
and my biggest fear
is that you'll come back.

When I no longer felt the need to live they told me there was a way;
they would cut up my body, sale all the pieces, and that way, I could stay..

They stuck me inside a crane machine,
my arms, my legs, my heart.
Fifty cents was all it took to win yourself a part.

My head it was the first to go, it went to a strange old man.
Who lived down in a basement, and had a secret plan.

My fingers they went next, to some little girls and boys.
The size of them was perfect for the children to use as toys.

Eventually my brain and my heart were the last items in the case.
An eager young girl ran up and pressed the glass against her face.

She asked her mother curiously, which one should I choose.
Her mother replied, think carefully, for neither I'd want to lose.

The heart can bring you so much joy, but also so much pain.
And the brain can give you answers, but also drive you insane.

The little girl walked away, slowly shaking her head.
I like them both too much to pick just one of them she said.
Then she grabbed herself a chocolate bar and said I'll take this instead.

When I no longer felt the need to live they told me there was a way;
they would cut up my body, sale all the pieces, and that way, I could stay..

They stuck me inside a crane machine,
my arms, my legs, my heart.
Fifty cents was all it took to win yourself a part.

My head it was the first to go, it went to a strange old man.
Who lived down in a basement, and had a secret plan.

My fingers they went next, to some little girls and boys.
The size of them was perfect for the children to use as toys.

The piece of me that went last, was the piece that belonged to you,
and when you walked by the crane machine you knew just what to do.

You put in your two quarters and you grasped the handle tight.
The claw wrapped gently around my heart and didn't give a fight.

You walked to your car, whistling, with my heart held in your hand.
Completely content, my soul was free, because you were my final plan.

stop please stop
the ******* voices in my head
they're yours
all of them
stop the memories on repeat
the memories of you
stop showing up in my dreams
stop the insanity
give me some ******* peace
stop
please

but i would have stood there
washing dishes
until my hands fell off
just to breath the same air as you

the bus
your old bed
watching captain america
my car
savannah's floor
the locker room
my bed
the nature trail
your new bed
your friend's bed
my new car
my new car
*my new car

I unfollow you but it isn't enough.
Because you're so great that your poems trend. And I can't stop myself.
"you're the letters to my words
and the words to my poems."
Couldnt have said it better myself.
To you.
You never wrote for me.
Even when you "loved" me.
Guess I wasnt enough.
Because I'm never enough.

It feels so foreign,
but for once in my life
I wanna crawl in to bed with you
and just lay there until I fall asleep.
Not because of a scary storm,
but because I'm tired of feeling so desperately alone.
I know you'd call me stupid.
You'd say she isn't worth my tears.
So I'll just stay in bed and squeeze mr. bear with all of my might.
And maybe tonight you'll have a nightmare, and you'll need me too.

on days like today
i  can only pray
that my life will end
in a gruesome way.

I thought you were my best friend
because you promised you'd always love me and be around for me.
You promised I could always talk to you when I needed someone.
But I need someone right now and you aren't around.
I always saw the best in you..
But I guess you aren't one for keeping promises so I shouldn't be surprised.
*But I am.

life changes everything,
even promises,
and maybe that's okay.
when you said to me forever
maybe what you meant was
one more day.

but i'm happy to see my forever
lasts as long as yours seemed to,
because i swore my heart
would never heal,
and guess what it's starting to do.

When you asked for my heart
I gave all four chambers to you.
I painted the walls and hung each picture to your exact specifications.
I put in new carpet and vacuumed the drapes and tilted the couches like so.
And when everything was perfect you moved in, and I finally felt at home.
Then one day you decided to leave but my heart was still made for you.
Still is in fact furnished
just the way you left it.
And when I bring people over, it doesn't quite feel the same.
Because now my heart is a house
not a home.
The chambers are painstakingly empty
waiting for your return.

Trying to be happy
is alot harder then it seems.
Because he doesnt
taste like you do.
And i never know
where to put my hands.