I don't know what to say
to make things seem okay.

Because they aren't.
I know they're not.
Now that you're cheater,
he got caught.

It makes me angry
and real mad
because I know
you must be sad.

I know what it's like
in your situation.
How lonely you feel.
Full of desperation.

But don't give up the fight.
You're too beautiful for that.
Don't give up your sight.
Of where your poems are at.

You're an artist,
yes a hurt one,
but an artist all the same.
You've been hurt before,
but still stand tall,
just look up at your name.

I used to love a cheetah.
She was fast and wild and free,
and I believed her when she said
she'd always do the best by me.

But our relationship it ended,
and not how I thought it would;
     with mutual respect
     as a mutual decision
     we'd go our separate ways
     fine with the division.

Well I should have seen it coming,
it was right there in her name,
my cheetah cheated on me
and I admit, I went insane.

I was at the point of no return.
I didn't want to live.
I thought my life was over,
and I had nothing left to give.

But then one night I met a swan
he was filled with beauty and grace.
five months later he said I love you,
as he gently held my face.

He's musical and funny.
He never gives me any strife.
And the best thing about my new love
is that swans, they mate for life.

when i think of you
i think of seventh grade
we met and you were funny and cool
and i was probably shy and afraid

i think of swimming at memaws pool
you called me amish when you saw my room
that year is when i started to love you
and our friendship began to bloom

i think of letters i think of notes
of watching breaking bad from your bed
and how you were always on my side
no matter what other people said

i think of blueberry toaster strudels
and late night ihop talks
of crazy times at coleman park
while taking random walks

when i think of you i think of home
i think of warmth and i think of joy
yes i'm very blessed that you're my friend
you're an extraordinary boy

i could spend hours
thinking of your hair.

somedays, i do.

i guess every family has one.
i just wish it wasn't me.
no one understands,
but why's it hard to see?
that words can actually hurt
and people arent made of stone.
no matter how hard they seem
or how much you think they've grown.
..

sometimes i feel like i'm in the ocean
and it's okay
because i know how to swim

but then i realize
even the best swimmers
sometimes need a break

and i'm not the best
not by a long shot

on the road
trying to lose her

i found you

i thought this time i'd be enough
you promised that i would
but something happened,
it always does
now you see that i'm no good

i thought this time was different
but all my life its been the same
no one thinks i'm worth it
and i'm the one to blame

Sometimes, I write you letters.
Yes, letters I never send, but they are letters nonetheless.
And I know he would get mad.  Say I'm still in love with you.
But the thing is, I'm not.
Sometimes I just wanna write you letters.
That's what I see on tv.
That's what Oprah does.

tired of laying in the tub

crying on a sunday afternoon

feeling like i'll always be useless

don't tell me to breathe
when you don't understand
how labored every breath is.
you don't understand what it's like
to lose your best friend
your heart
your reason to live.
don't tell me to breathe
when you're the reason i can't.

thats all im told
but when it was me
you didnt give a ****

your arms feel like home
and i've been homesick
for quite some time

maybe a month doesn't mean anything
when you've been with someone for years, what's a measly month anyways

but with her, she got me a little gold cross on a little gold chain that she searched for in her athletic bag
i felt like a princess

now our first month just passed and he didn't even mention it
maybe a month doesn't mean anything

but with her, it did.

you know i'm not mad at you right?
okay, i admit, in the beginning i was.
but not anymore.
it's just, i can't look at you knowing
that you hold everything i've loved in your hands. it just hurts.
i've always hated change.
and i guess i never learned
how to let go.
so until then i'm sorry
but i'll keep looking at the ground.

i'm so tired of being harleekae
can i please be someone else
if only for a day
do different things/see new places
travel around/see some different faces
this world wasnt made for me
no not at all
it's built too precariously
set up for me to fall

i forgot all the names
i gave to your hurts
and i suppose that's me
moving on

i would cut open my veins
if i could bleed out your wishes

just for a chance
to see you smile
at me

and no matter how long it's been
your smile lights me up
cant help it

what makes me saddest when i think of you, as i admit i sometimes do
is the future we planned, that will never come true

but i cant complain
i'm luckier than most
i didnt get the dreamhouse
but i **** sure did get close

how many times did we come here
with the intention
of never leaving the car.
and now i'm here
staring out at the abondoned building
we called our home.
and i wish you were here
just to hold my hand.

but what remains is, the moon never shines so brightly as it does when i'm sitting beside you. and my heart never feels so full as it does when she's on the other side.

me lying in an empty tub
whispering everything i hate
about myself

sometimes i wish for a car wreck
sometimes its cancer i seek
because i am disgusting/i am guilty/i am nothing/i am weak
i want a way out of this place
but i dont want to do it myself
cause flowers arent sent
to suicide victims
but rather to kids with bad health

and you promised me a hug after every game
but you havent kept that
and i promised to come to every game
but so far they've all been hellish
so i wont keep that either

can you not see that the sorrow weighs me down as if i'm chained and thrown into that lake you dared me to jump in that one time. and maybe that's symbolic because i've always said drowning is the way i want to go. but i feel like i've already died a thousand deaths seeing you look into the eyes of another with the adoration that once was mine. it was foolish of me to think that someone of such magnitude would be with someone as normal as me. i got a perm and my nails were always chewed to nothingness. everything about me was average but you made me feel like i was important. you made me feel magnificent. and maybe it was just that my world was brighter with you in it because now i know there's nothing special about me. the only thing i ever had going for me was that i was with you.

i
want
to
die

i ******* hate myself
because i have the most
awful feeling
that i'm going to do to you
what she did to me

and you dont deserve that

you said that you smoked too many
tonight, and that wasnt very healthy
but i dont think the tears
soaking into my pillow
are any better
than your **** cigarettes

and he was like a spring shower
unexpected
but as he rained down on me
i realized thats exactly what i needed

does it count as love making
if while i'm into it
you've been faking

what we had was beautiful
beautiful and fleeting
and before you i didnt know
that one could love so madly
and i dont know if that makes me feel better or worse
now that you're gone

dont pretend you ever cared
because when we were together
her name was always on your lips

Last night I had a memory, they come and go you know, of the boy on the fallen bicycle. We were in my car, feeding on each other's lips, when I happen to check my surroundings. I saw a boy beside the road, beside a fallen bike. Oh no! I exclaimed and you jumped out of my car immediately to rescue the poor lad. I yanked on my shirt and hurried after you with my pocket knife in hand. I was awkward, and you were perfect; helping him free from the entanglement with gentleness and grace.  You stood him back up, directed him home, and I fell even deeper in love.