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Mar 2019 · 342
and i am worst of all
harlee kae Mar 2019
wanted it both ways
but i couldn't have that
and now i have neither
yeah i fell flat

my heart is so fickle
and yours so steady
i was trying my hardest
but i just wasn't ready

now it doesn't matter
it's come to an end
i wish i didn't have to
lose a best friend

that's part of the deal
i know that it's true
but i don't really know
what i'm supposed to do
Mar 2019 · 557
better
harlee kae Mar 2019
you never let me down
i hope you know its true
a million things have crashed and burned
not one of them is you
Mar 2019 · 219
4:42 am
harlee kae Mar 2019
i woke up to pack
but now it doesnt feel right
because i cant talk to you
and its the middle of the night

i know you made your choice
and i know i made mine
and i have to believe
this will all turn out fine

but things seem more hazy
or maybe more clear
when its 4:42
and you cant be here
Mar 2019 · 179
close your eyes
harlee kae Mar 2019
you beat me to it
the words in my head
cant say i'm surprised
always one step ahead

cause you missed that part
closing your eyes
when you wake up and shower
and think of my thighs

yeah you missed that part
after cooking and breathing
the closing your eyes
to keep me from leaving

but as i was jamming
and noticed whats missing
you wrote it all down
as if you were listening

so maybe you dont
close them anymore
to rattle the stars
as you stand on the floor
Mar 2019 · 161
you're the moon
harlee kae Mar 2019
because even when i cant see you
i know youre there
because
you control the tide
control the mood
because
you make me stop
and stare
and smile
because
you arent afraid to stand out
to be bold
because
youre completely unique
surrounded by things
that could never outshine you
Mar 2019 · 163
..
harlee kae Mar 2019
..
if life came with instructions
would that make it any easier?
Feb 2019 · 202
hollow
harlee kae Feb 2019
there's a void
maybe its always been
empty from the start
maybe i ignored it or
maybe i enjoyed it

but it's gapping open
now
and there's nothing
to fill it with
Feb 2019 · 256
broken
harlee kae Feb 2019
this is a new kind of broken
and being alone is so scary
but how can i be trusted
if i cant be alone
i need validation
i need someone to look at me
to say to me
you'll be okay
you'll be okay
Dec 2018 · 447
depression
harlee kae Dec 2018
you've tiptoed up behind me
once again

and a part of me wants
to ask you to leave
but the other part missed
the way you curl your arms around me
and take control

because i'm tired of pretending
like i know what i'm doing
and putting on a smile
to make everyone else happy

i just want to be alone
and you seem to know that
Dec 2018 · 254
12/20
harlee kae Dec 2018
i feel like my world is falling apart
and i wish you were here
to help me pick up the pieces
Dec 2018 · 262
today was exhausting
harlee kae Dec 2018
the sun is shining
while the rain cascades
down my windshield.
and i'm thinking
maybe
the sky is as confused
as me.
Dec 2018 · 212
i hope you hear this
harlee kae Dec 2018
you're the same
kind of different
as me
which is nice
but exhausting
because i cling to you
as if you're the last ember
in a fire that long ago faded
i'm just so cold
and i can't find the flame
in myself anymore
harlee kae Oct 2018
it's been raining a lot
i think it changes my mood
or maybe that's the new season
or maybe it's just me
but
sometimes i feel like
i'm living without living
would it really, truly matter
if i quit everything

it's just
sometimes i have this lonely feeling
sitting on my chest
and it empties me out
and it won't go away
Aug 2018 · 224
exhausted and failing
harlee kae Aug 2018
we hold our dreams so tightly
tuck them against our flesh
until the two become one
and give only a glance
to only a few
because in this world
failure is a lot more plausible
then success

but sometimes dreams come true
and they aren't what you expect
because in your head things are perfect
and pristine and peaceful
but reality is messy
and dreams are only dreams
until they happen
Jul 2018 · 361
Untitled
harlee kae Jul 2018
my mind;
a prison i lock myself in
when i need someone the most
Jul 2018 · 432
stagnant
harlee kae Jul 2018
is it comfortable silence

or have we simply run out of things to say
Jul 2018 · 215
united
harlee kae Jul 2018
we are all
chaotic
beautiful
messes.
and isn't that kind of nice.
Jul 2018 · 206
again
harlee kae Jul 2018
i dreamt about you.
it was the beginning,
we had just met.
when everything was exciting
and beautiful.
before cowardice
or the world
got in the way.
and in that second
before i opened my eyes
i missed you so much
i ached.
Jun 2018 · 366
the loner
harlee kae Jun 2018
sits,
at the edge of the world,
desperate to be brought in
to the warmth of the pack.

but when invited,
declines politely.
preferring to sulk in solitude,
and wonder,
why aren't i good enough
to be a part of the group.
harlee kae Jun 2018
sometimes, someone comes along
and you never stop thinking of them
in the middle of the night
Jun 2018 · 241
just another situation
harlee kae Jun 2018
in which
i wasn't
enough

and i'll never
find out
why
Jun 2018 · 244
a day
harlee kae Jun 2018
where the thoughts
make the body feel out of control
and i know i'm self sabotaging
but i don't stop
the self hate
or to look in the mirror
because i know what i see
is a disappointment

and i'm already ******
so i might as well continue
down the vortex of troubling thoughts
onto the dark path of no coming back
at least not tonight

so i might as well continue
eating my feelings and cursing the sky
because i'll never be who i want to be

i might as well continue

..or not
May 2018 · 243
me.
harlee kae May 2018
me.
i hate what i look like
in everything i wear

i hate the way i look
with this newly chopped off hair

i hate that i work out so hard
but still have fat right there

i hate that i compare myself
so harshly with what i see
and make others feel bad
just to be near me

i don't mean to punish you
when i feel like you're succeeding
i just wish you could notice
that i'm sitting here and bleeding
May 2018 · 279
growth
harlee kae May 2018
this isn't a poem
not really
just me stating, i'm proud
proud of myself

i found an old journal
and after just a few pages
i realized
i've grown a lot
mentally and emotionally

and that's something to celebrate
even if only with a handful of strangers
May 2018 · 263
i don't know you anymore,
harlee kae May 2018
yeah, it's been years
since we last talked.

i cant say
the way you like your coffee,
what your favorite movie is,
or your thoughts as you close your eyes.

but ever so often
i'll hear a song
and i'll remember the way
your braid glistened in the sunlight
and the passion in your eyes.

no one conveys more purpose
in a single glance
than you.
and somehow, i doubt
that has changed.
May 2018 · 229
inanimate object
harlee kae May 2018
a tree is much more
than a little seed pushed in the earth.
it is a towering ballerina,
stretching it's branches out like arms,
to graze the passers by.
it is a singer,
wailing out sweet melodies,
as the wind rushes around.
it is a laborer,
handing out fruit,
and asking for nothing in return.

a tree graciously gives you its bark
to cut up and scar,
just so you can have that memory,
even if you never come back to visit.
12.6.12
Apr 2018 · 220
so easily lonesome
harlee kae Apr 2018
i miss you tonight.
and maybe i should always miss you.
but it's easier for me to miss
when i'm sitting alone with my thoughts, wishing there was someone beside me.
in those moments
i'm wishing for you.
Apr 2018 · 158
here alone
harlee kae Apr 2018
the silence
is deafening.
and my body feels
so heavy
so deep.
tears ready
at the surface,
but letting them cascade down
would take too much effort.
i guess nothings wrong,
but i'm here alone.
Apr 2018 · 185
things i hate tonight:
Mar 2018 · 214
falling in & out
harlee kae Mar 2018
long drives and
my thoughts drift to you
remembering times
when i would sing out loud
because you didn't make fun of my voice
remembering times
when i didn't use windshield wipers
because you made me
feel invincible
Mar 2018 · 192
in a place
harlee kae Mar 2018
where my dreams could come true
and i'm wondering
if i dreamed
big enough
Mar 2018 · 322
concert vibes
harlee kae Mar 2018
sometimes i wonder if you love me
sometimes i wonder if i deserve it

i wonder
what it would be like
to look in the mirror
and like what i see

i wonder
what it would be like
to not feel anxious
when i enter a room

i wonder
what it would be like
to feel good in an outfit
to feel good in a picture

sometimes i wonder
what it would be like
not to wonder
Mar 2018 · 249
how's it going?
harlee kae Mar 2018
we treat this like an acknowledgement
more than an actual question
i mean no one answers it honestly
because we're afraid of a therapy session
but we'll post what we're eating for breakfast
hoping to get a reaction
because we'd rather talk through a screen
than have actual human interaction
just some thoughts
Feb 2018 · 230
tired
harlee kae Feb 2018
of not being able to make a decision
because i'm scared that whatever i choose
i will be wrong

of not be able to speak my mind
because you say my opinions
are inaccurate/loud/stupid

of trying so hard to care for others
because i need someone to say
that i matter

i'm tired

of finally making a decision
then being ridiculed for it

of saying what's on my mind
and being told i'm too angry
(or choosing to stay quiet
and being told i'm too sensitive)

of cooking and cleaning and chauffeuring
and never being told thank you

i'm just so tired
of living a life
that feels
unfulfilled
Feb 2018 · 191
dreams are weird
harlee kae Feb 2018
and i dream of you
a lot.
Feb 2018 · 308
like this
harlee kae Feb 2018
all the things
i hate about myself
were magnified
and multiplied
when i whispered
i'm sorry.. i'm sorry
and you replied with
its not your fault you're like this
instead of
it's okay
Jan 2018 · 305
Untitled
harlee kae Jan 2018
I don’t know why I need people so much
when I love being on my own
Jan 2018 · 221
Undignified.
harlee kae Jan 2018
what kind of person am I
to be 23 and missing high school?
it makes me incredibly lame
and truthfully pathetic,
but I’ve never been the type
to make friends just by living.

and in high school I found soccer,
and by extension,
people I genuinely loved.

I have never felt so connected;
to people, to a passion, to the idea
that I am good enough.
and it saddens me to know
four years was all I got
to feel alive and free.
Jan 2018 · 165
sometimes
harlee kae Jan 2018
sometimes I wanna be 16
to remember what it felt like
before I had my first kiss
to remember what it felt like
before I fell in love for the first time

sometimes I wanna be 30
to know what it feels like
to be married with kids
and a job I love (hopefully)
to know what it feels like
to know my purpose (hopefully)

most days I just don’t want to be here
Jan 2018 · 229
Is it normal?
harlee kae Jan 2018
To wake up
feeling isolated.
To drive to a job
I was supposed to love
with dread weighing deep
in my stomach.
To be surrounded
by people, by voices
all day, and count down the minutes
until I get home
to an empty house
to feel less alone.
Jan 2018 · 242
No one understands.
harlee kae Jan 2018
And why would they,
I suppose,
when half the conversations I have
are with myself.
I just thought New Year
meant clean slate.
And if I tried a little love
it would come right back.
But maybe I don’t know
what love is anymore,
because I never seem to show it
without someone getting angry.
And no matter how I try
it never comes back around.
Dec 2017 · 543
this time of year
harlee kae Dec 2017
makes me
SO
****
NOSTALGIC.
it’s like the cold
seeps into my bones.
and with that chill, memories.
the ones i forgot to forget about.
and i’m not sure if it’s the free time
or my perfectionist impulses,
but i can’t stop going back
and trying
to fix things.
Dec 2017 · 541
some things are beautiful
harlee kae Dec 2017
like the way
his tiny hand reaches for mine
as we line up for lunch

or the way
she says she loves my sweater
even if its the same as the day before

or the way
20 pairs of eyes light up
when i say the word experiment

yeah, some things are beautiful
like the flower
he picked me on the playground
or the moment she could finally
read the word as

and i wouldn't trade those moments
for all the money in the world.
some people turn their nose up when i say i am becoming a teacher but i honestly can't think of anything i'd rather do
Dec 2017 · 225
frozen,
harlee kae Dec 2017
like the movie,
it makes me think of you.
and the day that he came back,
as people sometimes do.

and often i so think
thats what started our descend,
because you moved away,
and you made a new best friend.

other days i realize
that the ending was on me,
because loving a girl was something
i didnt do publicly.
Nov 2017 · 405
Family Time
harlee kae Nov 2017
It sometimes hurts.
When the words
are ridicules
masquerading as
funny jokes that
I'm too sensitive about.


But that's okay,
because I like to think
that the people who
"care too much"
are the ones
making history.
Nov 2017 · 346
thank you
harlee kae Nov 2017
my partner
my lover
my friend

for making this heavy heart
light
Nov 2017 · 424
This feels unfinished..
harlee kae Nov 2017
I hate when people ask what's wrong
As my eyes fill up at a sad sad song
Or a movie or a book
They'll take one look
And question my emotional response

But happiness isn't something
We all get for free
Especially girls with broken hearts
Who write bad poetry
harlee kae Nov 2017
sometimes a memory
will envelop me
a memory
i forgot existed

like laying on a beanbag
as you stroked the hairs
that escaped my braid
while monsters inc played
in the background

and as the world
passes outside the window
my heart recalls that feeling
that feeling of falling in love
Nov 2017 · 181
Invariably Lonely
harlee kae Nov 2017
I'm on the cusp
of greatness
but even in my victories
I feel like an outsider.
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