and i wish you could see
that there is hope
in this hopelessness

and someday
when you aren't expecting it
you will see a glimmer
so grab on tightly

because you do matter
even if it feels like
the world would be better
without you

i've been there.

in a place so dark
i thought i'd never see the light again
wishing for something to take me away
from a world that didn't care
or understand

in a world of insomnia
and weightloss
because sleeping and eating
felt complicated too

so it's okay
to not be okay

but i just want to remind you
that you are brave and you are strong
and you are ******* alive.

and i wonder,
do you ever think of her
and what you could have been.
futures that were planned
but never successfully played out?

do you ever hear a song
that instantly takes you to a place
belonging to you and her
and nobody else?

do you ever compare me
and think of all the ways i fail
where she would have succeeded?

its okay,
if you do,
i would understand.

because memories have a way
of sticking around,
especially the good ones,
especially if you don't want them to.

Sometimes when I'm driving to school
Or washing the dishes
Or going for a jog
I think about how I will never see you again
And recalling
That friendships
Are actually quite fleeting
Fills me with an
Overwhelming desire
To cry

And it's been years
And I'm doing great
Better even
Then I was before.

But I think my mind forgets
That some things are forever
Even if those things are endings

I have a cough
And it's insanely hard
To stay up past 9:30
And I am so tired
Of being sick
And being tired
And feeling adrift

waking up in an empty bed
feels so wrong and lonely.
i want your mumbled i love yous
and middle of the night hugs.
what am i supposed to do
while you're gone.