breathing deeply
made it through
the best part is
that i have you

went to an old friend's wedding.
turned to watch her walk the aisle,
and there you were.
a half second glimpse
then i looked to the ground.
i chewed my nails
to the point of bleeding.
and drank my coffee black.
and kept looking at the ground.
because i feel
completely inadequate
when i see your new girl.
and you with someone else
still kills me.
and i cried the whole way home
thinking about the fact
that i'll never
hug you again.

i think of you
as i drift off
to my sleepy sea.
i think of you
my trevor lee.
i think of your smile
on your face.
as it filled up the room
and lit up the place.
the place that was so gloomy.
until you were there.
your eyes squinty
and your cute little hair.
i wish it could have been more
then just a handshake and a bye.
but your girlfriend never liked me
since she found out i was bi.
so thats what i have to live with now
and i guess that, thats okay.
as long as when we see each other
you promise to say hey..

words are my weapon of choice
but you're a man of action
and i think we're constantly
trying to impress each other
with things that impress ourselves

every one i've ever kissed,
right here in this park.
two were in midday.
two were after dark.
my first kiss to a boy,
he turned out to be shady.
my second was my first love
a beautiful, smart lady.
the third was to my best friend,
even though he has a wife.
the last was to my current boy
the one I'll have for life.
every time I run here
I get memories, good and bad.
one specific memory
contains the best kiss that I've had.

where i'm trapped inside myself
and i don't want to talk
or even be around anyone
because it feels like the world is moving
but i'm not a part of it.

where i'm tired of laying in bed
but i don't feel like going out
so i make lists
to pretend that i know
exactly what to do with my life.

where my brain reminds me
you'll never be normal.

12 miles total
5 miles up
it starts pouring
i slip in muck
slice my hand
it starts to bleed
the throbbing pain
just what i need
to remind me
i have more to give
despite the downs
still life to live