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 Apr 2013 Hannah
Nathan Millard
Let me tell you a bit about me
A bit that I haven’t told anyone

Here goes nothing…

I listen to Lady Gaga
A lot
The smell of whiskey doesn’t burn my nose
Rather it smells familiar, similar to maple syrup
I love to dance a lot when no one is looking
And really provocatively
I doubt my ability
Yet fear my potential
I kissed a boy in first grade
But don’t know why I have literally hid this all my life
The book “Charley and the Chocolate Factory” changed me
And I never like chocolate until this year
I am afraid of dogs
I grew up with dogs all of my life
I really dislike my arms from the elbow up
But play off my flannel shirts and hoodies as a fashion statement
I bite my nails but not nervously
Rather because nail clippers make my nails feel weird
I watch ****…
No one really admits that one but most of us do
I love not washing my hair
But I hate going out in public that way
I love most people but pretend I don’t
It’s easier that way
I love the feeling of crumbling sheet rock
Especially if it is wet
I have cussed since I was probably 7…
I think I cuss less now than I did in fifth grade
I generally admire those farthest from me
They are what I’ll never be
I could see myself as president
But just as easily a stripper
I have to try really hard not to cry when I think of my childhood
Especially young memories
I have tweezed my eye brows
And my toes
I have worn makeup while no one was home
Mainly just to try it
I love eating raw sugar
Especially chewing it
I am pretty sure I was delusional as a child
But sometimes I feel like either I wasn’t or I still am
I don’t feel like people ever really know me
Especially my family

There is a chunk of me
Please don’t waste it
 Apr 2013 Hannah
Mada
How would their lives be? Would new houses be like newly weds? Maybe there is a history, like a new house on old ground is just a new regeneration of that house, even if it looks nothing like the old one. What if houses you seen in the “sketchy” neighborhoods are houses just like the owners? Maybe they looked beautiful and their surroundings blinded them and slowly let the paint rot away. What would it feel to be demolished? What if old beautiful houses were so wise? Or would they be false like the botox seen today? Would you remember it in your new form? What if the footprints of every person who ever walked upon the floor stayed there? Imprinted deep into the wood, always to be hidden? Man, what if houses could remember everyone who ever lived there? I wounder if houses loved or hated their families, like pets do with owners? Would the New York apartments have the personalities of the poor families, struggling art students, and free lance actors? Would the houses in L.A. always  be singing a song? Would boarded houses just sit, projecting it’s past lives. Living it in order over and over cause it is better than being alone? You wait for those kids down the street to meddle in your backyard; losing their virginities in your dusty attic. What would houses think about right before wrecking ball?
This is to the most extremities a free verse-free write. I'm not sure it even constitutes as poetry but oh the **** well.
 Apr 2013 Hannah
Ayaba Babe
FIFA
 Apr 2013 Hannah
Ayaba Babe
Sprawled out across his back.
Contouring the bean bag chair into something shapely beautiful.
Knees expelled in opposite directions,
Expelling my imagination into a furious sea of frenzy.
Silence.
Except for the constant clicking of the video-game controller.
The constant flicking of his fingers soon lead my imagination
Elsewhere.
The traffic-jam of words inside of me soon slip uncontrollably to thoughts
As I sit behind him.
My heat undecoded.
Legs crossed, just as a lady should.
Girls from all over must tell him he's beautiful.
But beauty in itself is a limitation.
I'm not sure if he is aware that he is beyond
The liberal definition.
I find myself soon forgetting the awkward of the situation,
Instead savoring the surreal reality of such a moment.
"Are you winning?" I shortly ask him, breaking the heavy incredible silence.
But I had to know.
He can miss as many goals as he likes. Laugh it off.
Because inside of me he's scoring.
#throwbackthursday
who will ever understand boys and video games?
 Apr 2013 Hannah
sassybutsweet
It's early
morning hours
before dawn
just me
and
my coffee
waiting for the
sun to rise
and
kiss the sky
I
catch myself
smiling
because I'm
thinking of
you
Sweetie
So I thank
you
Nothing like watching the sun come up.....
Good morning, class!  I am your substitute teacher, and I will be teaching you your ABC’s today.  Let’s not waste time and just dive right in!


A is for Anxiety. That’s that feeling you get when you go to recess and see the bullies waiting for you on the playground.

B is for *******.  If you don’t know what that means, that’s when your daddy abandons you before he even gave you a chance.  

C is for Cranky.  That’s what I feel right now because I had to get up early today to come in here to teach you brats your alphabet, and I’m getting paid **** for it.  

D is for Dog.  Mine died, and if you have one, yours will eventually die too.   That’s another D word for ya.  

E is for Empty.  Empty hearts.  Empty souls.  Empty stares.  Empty lives.  

F is for Friends.  Friends will **** all over you.

G is for Girlfriends.  They’ll rip out your heart and stomp all over it.

H is for Hell.  It’s the world we live in.

I is for Idiot.  Which is what you are if you ask a question.

J is for *******.  Which is another term for donkey – another D word.

K is for Knife.  

L is for Love.  Your parents will tell you they love you, but they don’t mean it.

M is for Money.  If you want to make a lot of it when you grow up, deal drugs.

N is for Neglect.  That means when your parents ignore you cause they’re too busy with their pretentious jobs and their extramarital affairs.  If you don’t know what that means, don’t worry.  Time will teach you.  

O is for Optimistic.  Stay positive – just not ***-positive.

P is for *******.  Judging by the intelligence level of this class, that is a bright career opportunity for several of you.

Q is for Queasy.  Which is what you feel when you are hungover.

R is for Respect.  You don’t earn it.  You take it.

S is for Secrets that no one will ever keep.

T is for Tranquilizer.  I have one waiting for me for when I get home tonight.

U is for Ugly.  That’s adolescence.

V is for…   Only girls have them.

W is for Wood Chuck.  How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

X is for Xenophobic.   That’s what you will all grow up to be because your mom taught you to never talk to strangers.

Y is for Yes.  That's what you have to say to everyone to get anywhere in life.

Z is for Zoloft.  I should probably up my dose.
 Mar 2013 Hannah
Maisha
Depressed
 Mar 2013 Hannah
Maisha
To float delicately
to be within a river stream
to feel some sort of tranquility
to swim in vacancy

I just
need to
drown
for a
little
while.
I walk the world with thoughts of you
In every place I go
Your voice is on the winter wind
Your footprints in the snow
And every tool I try to use to scrape you from my mind
Cuts your name onto my tongue
And beats me till I'm blind
I layed my head upon your knees and breathed the air you breathed
I cut myself when you were cut to know just how you bleed
Now as I walk this empty earth with nothing but a face
To breathe me and to bleed me
Until I leave this place
 Feb 2013 Hannah
Morgan
He was crying on his porch when we turned on to his street. I rolled down his window from the driver's seat, handed him a cigarette & turned up the heat.

We're used to breakdowns and we're used to feeling lost. We've had a lot of friends whose lives paid the cost.

Well, we grew up around the tragedies that you read about & all we really talk about is getting the **** out. 

We act like our minds are perfectly clear
but we spend most nights overcome with fear.
Not tonight, blue eyes.
Turn up the music.
Have an other beer.
Smoke it down to the filter.
We're gonna make it through this year. 

*We're gonna make it through this year.
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