Hannah J Edwards: Favorites

Nov 2016 Hannah J Edwards

I remember

Nov 2016 Hannah J Edwards

jenna elizabeth

I remember how you hated buying period supplies with me and how you stayed one aisle away from me the entire time. I remember cuddling in the back of your car, which always led to us kissing, followed by long talks. I remember talking about nothing in particular, but always talking. I remember the early morning phone calls and how groggy you were. I remember late night phone conversations and how we’d almost be falling asleep when we hung up. I remember you calling me cute every day, even if I had just hiccuped. I remember me falling asleep next to you countless times. I remember how our hands were always touching. I remember almost everything you ever told me. I remember you. I remember you and I hate how much I remember because it just hurts. It hurts because all I have are these memories and I don’t have you. I don’t have you because I made a choice. I’ll stand by the choice I made, but. But when it’s close to 3am and I’m sobbing into my pillow, telling myself that I’ll be okay, that’s when I remember.

Nov 2016 Hannah J Edwards

Breakups

Nov 2016 Hannah J Edwards

jenna elizabeth

Breakups

Breakups ****. They **** when you're sobbing into your pillow at 1 in the morning because you realize your life isn't going to be the same. That you are never going to have that person wrap their arms around you or that you're going to smell their deodorant or that you can't send them a message telling them about your day. It ***** because you feel so alone and you keep letting out shakey breaths and telling yourself 'you're okay, you're going to be okay'

Nov 2016 Hannah J Edwards

doubt

Nov 2016 Hannah J Edwards

jenna elizabeth

doubt

i spoke my mind
opened my heart
tried my best
not to tear you apart
it happened anyway
you broke down in tears
tried to tell me
wisdom beyond our years
i told you my answer
that i didn't want this
yet there you were
making plans of bliss
you ignored my plea
wiped my cheek
kissed my head
and i still felt bleak
you carried on
without a clue
that i was doubting
my future with you

Feb 2016 Hannah J Edwards

thoughts

Feb 2016 Hannah J Edwards

jenna elizabeth

thoughts

i am surrounded
every day
by my friends
by my family
by my classmates
by my peers
yet, i am alone
yet, i am never alone
my thoughts are there
my thoughts keep me company
never leave
never cease
amuse
sober
help
hurt
build up
tear down
yet, i am alone
yet, i am never alone
never to stop
never to cease
never to end
yet, i am alone
yet, i am never alone
no end
no help
no peace
no rest
i can't lose
i can't win
i can't start
i can't stop
yet, i am alone
yet, i am never alone
my thoughts keep me company

the first poem in the notebook i carried around my senior year of high school

#hurt #thoughts #help

Feb 2016 Hannah J Edwards

"care deeply, hurt easily, cry readily"

Feb 2016 Hannah J Edwards

jenna elizabeth

"care deeply, hurt easily, cry readily"

there’s this phrase that i’ve heard
one that i adore and despise
“care deeply, hurt easily, cry readily”
do you want to know my dilemma with this?
it’s because it describes me
and i hate that and i love that
it’s a problem for me
i’ll break it down for you
but, i should warn you
i don’t know anymore
“care deeply”
it’s a blessing and a curse
a blessing because
i allow people into my life who enrich it
easily form true friendships
love those who love me
a curse because
i allow people into my life who destroy it
easily form fake friendships
love those who hate me
it’s a vicious cycle
one that i cannot escape
but do i want to even escape?
i don’t know anymore
“hurt easily”
i don’t know if this is a good thing
i don’t think it is
i don’t enjoy being hurt
i loathe the fact that i hurt
i don’t see much of a benefit to hurt and to being hurt
that might just be me
but i regret every single time
that i have caused someone to be hurt
it’s something nagging me
i don’t know anymore
“cry readily”
i hate the fact that i cry
i’ve been told it’s a good thing
that i feel compassion for others
but sometimes i don’t want to
why can’t i be calloused?
why must i cry when others do?
why can’t i be stronger?
or is it weakness?
i don’t know anymore
“care deeply, hurt easily, cry readily”
i don’t know anymore
what are the pros
what are the cons
would you tell me?

Feb 2016 Hannah J Edwards

Untitled

Feb 2016 Hannah J Edwards

jenna elizabeth

Untitled

I say "I'm fine"
Maybe one day
I'll believe
What I say

Feb 2016 Hannah J Edwards

rain

Feb 2016 Hannah J Edwards

jenna elizabeth

rain

rainy days are the best days
when you can sit inside
under a cover of blankets
and drift off to the sound
of rain pounding on the roof
the entire world wet
letting your eyes close
and fade away
to the sound of rain

it's a typical rainy day in oregon and this poem seemed fitting

— The End —