You were light like tissue paper
Crackling and brightly colored
Falling in layers and tinting my space

I wore you like a dress
And never got more compliments
Though barely wrapped, lacking expertise
I stretched you out in the sun
To keep the grass from sticking to my skin
The weather’s been dry, and the dust felt unpleasant
I held you up against the rain
And invited someone under
Smiling to have you between us and getting wet

And I ruined you like tissue paper
Easily torn and crippled by moisture
Stuck to walls in pieces
The rest of you makes grotesque confetti
To celebrate whatever I have left to celebrate

The glow of a city night comes in through my window
And keeps awake my always-empty stomach and heart
Night skies look sick with green
And don't take well to light pollution
Sleep doesn't come easy to someone so restless
Though I need the fullness of oblivion now more than ever
There is no right way to lay a restless head on a pillow
To twist a hollow body under sheets
That it will lie still in comfort
Because emptiness folds painfully in on itself
And I untwist, I unfold
To accept defeat
Propped on elbows,
On a yellow legal pad in the yellow light
I hold the sign of a night spent slowly:
All forms of unhappiness are, on the inside, loneliness

Everyone is holding hands,
makes me miss you.
Not because you had hands,
or anything.

The black
overtakes iris,
I scatter all writing across the room,
digging for notes
on the next chapter,
and outside
bluebirds sing
while ants crawl on their wings,
new babes suckle,
while mama texts another,
and inside--
a madhouse,
an oven--
always on,
always 425;
no respite--
her skin
invites
like late night
milk
and
she gleams
sharpened front teeth,
presents
30 poems-a-day
of **** teenage poetry--
"love me,
like you did in the beginning,
love me free"
and I stockpile
the pages
for my calendar-approved
pyre--
6 more days
and I'll let
this darkness
bend
to fire.

Buddha tells us
not to get into
interpreting dreams
so in a dream
my dead father
told me to go
to the post office
at nine in the morning
for something
that was sent
by planned parenthood
and I got
a free laptop.