haley

haley Jan 2014

we're all standing on the edge of reality,
millimeters from the precarious cliff of horrible,
beautiful truth.
the glow of our iPhones, tablets, flat screen TVs, etc
illuminating our placid faces.
ignorance is bliss, they say.
wake up!
wake up,
and turn off your alarm,
and flip on the news;
start your coffee brewer.
we depend on the technology.
we live in the the technology.
we live in a computer.
you are not real
and neither am i
but we aren't dead either.
if we can think,
we can exist,
right?

basing this off an existential crisis discussion

haley Jan 2014

i reach my fingers towards the flame but feel no heat

where are the warm people?
i find myself baring my soul
to cold people
who take the heat of my burden
and use it to insulate themselves.
they shed no heat
no light
no empathy.
where are the warm people?
who will share their flame
as i try to share mine
when my has flickered out
and lies smoldering?

haley Jan 2014

i found you after it rained

i am the glassy sheet of ice

that folds in upon itself suddenly with the slightest touch

and the leaf that was shed in autumn

to be uncovered, a skeleton

all dry veins and paper thin

in spring.

i wake up sometimes in the middle of the night

and your name is

crawling up my throat

i swallow it like a pill

without water

and i can still taste it

in the back of my mouth.

haley Jan 2014

vulnerability

vulnerability is something i have always struggled with.
to give another person the ability to read my mind, to pity me;
it's something i tend to regret.
so when i opened up to you,
and you blew me off as though what
i said was meaningless,
like you'd heard it all before,
i hated you.
i had handed you the ability to sew shut my insecurities,
but you brushed me aside with such force that the gaping hole just
opened wider and i
have no one
left to
trust.
so i am forced to turn in on myself
and with fumbling, numb fingers,
i sew myself shut
from the inside.

haley Jan 2014

detachment

i want to write about the way my lover makes me feel
and the way we fit together like the teeth of the zipper on my favorite jacket
but i am loveless
and unlovable
and it's for the best
because i was never
patient or forgiving
enough
to love
anyway.

haley Dec 2013

colors

i want to escape my own head
and run as far as i can,
with the intent of reaching a destination
neither past nor future
and not quite present.
somewhere that is in-between,
in a time that is uncharted, unpredictable;
not labeled by human standards of time.
i want to discover.
i want to rid myself of every emotion
that i have ever experienced
every stupid, limiting category,
and just feel with reckless abandon.
i want to feel colors;
vibrant, daffodil yellows
and muted, aqua blues;
foreboding, stormy grays,
light, springtime greens.
i want every sense to be satisfied.
i want to feel alive.

haley Dec 2013

december

winter is settling in my bones
and with every inhale my lungs take in freezing air
until my head throbs and my thoughts slow to a dull ache.
the flowers on the sill are still in bloom
despite the coolness of the glass beside them
and i wish i could ignore the chill and open up
but winter is unkind
to my fragile heart