i can feel a pressure building up in my chest that weighs down my lungs with the burden of words that are just barely tangible. i can feel their weight, light as a feather and just as easily carried away by the wind. they bubble up sometimes, float up through my throat, and begin to press on my tongue. they taste of copper and perfume, and i don't know how to let them go, but they make me want to hold my breath. they obstruct my airway and suddenly i'm lightheaded and without words and i don't understand how i can have so much emotion so little energy so little time so little release.

                    the words flit back and forth between my fingertips and tongue and i can't control where they end up but i'm convinced that most of them evaporate
like steam on the asphalt in august
because i never find them once they're gone.

ever since i was a child
i have carelessly thrown my heart
at any boy
who held my gaze
for more than five seconds.
i am exhausted
and humiliated.
why haven't i learned?
love doesn't work that way.

no longer
will i fall for undeserving boys
who could not care less.
but i'm lonely
so please hurry
and please care.