i used to
like to think of myself
as a tree.

maybe
a weeping willow
or
a crooked pine.

but now
i have grown tall
and strong
and my bark has grown thick
and my roots have taken hold.

i am no longer
weeping
or crooked.

i am as strong
as the strongest oak.

and this is the first time
i've thought of you
in two months.

to think we were best friends this morning
and now,
i bite the back of my hand
to keep from screaming obscenities
into your ugly face.

you sit on your pedestal,
immersed in yourself,
and accuse me of immaturity
when i walk away
when you say
"i don't care
about you."

you think
that i act this way
because i am
"insecure"
"pathetic"
"sensitive"
but really,
darling,
it's because
i have realized that
i
  deserve
     better
         than
                          this.

on days when i feel
as though i may actually be getting over you
i find myself
looking,
searching
the eyes of those who pass by,
hoping
fearing
that i'll fall for a
stranger.

tonight,
as i sat with my family
in a cozy restaurant
my eyes found a boy.
he was beautiful.
several times,
we locked gazes.

but the problem was,
he looked just like you.

i think that
as long as i know you
possibly longer
you will cling to the innermost
recesses of my mind
to the notches in my spine
to the cavities behind my eyes
and the creases of my elbows

but i
i will only leave traces
of myself
on the soles of your shoes.

i think that even if i
drank all of you in
while i had the chance
i would still fear
death
by dehydration.