I'm not sure I trust anyone with the whole entire part of this. But I feel I need to tell someone.

will you listen, my friend, even though this piece is not a poem?

My friends feel a little too distant, but I think that is how i see them, not how they really are. They make me feel bad, but i'm pretty sure that's my fault too- do I take them too seriously? Or do they mean what they say...I don't remember.

My ex still haunts me. I don't wanna call it emotional abuse and i don't want my mum to tell me I'm depressed and have anxiety and that's what the panic attacks are. In fact, I want to say it's my fault and am being silly, as always. I don't wanna admit the nightmares are underlying issues, because I'm scared anyone I tell won't take me seriously, or will treat me different. But I am different.

My boyfriend...gosh I love him. But I feel bad that I feel bad when I have him on my arm, when i look into his eyes, when he smiles, and his face lights up as though having a good waking dream...and says he loves me. All I can manage is a half smile and an I love you too, which i do! But my love doesn't carry into the words, I am too tired and sad (but only this past two weeks, don't get me wrong.)

If I were to be entirely honest I kinda wanna cry everywhere and tell everyone i hate them but i love them and will stop hating them soon. But I don't know if I would stop.

So you tell me, how does one struggling, feeling inadequate, wishing she wasn't so ****** 'perfect' to everyone...how does she ask for help? And could you possibly give it?

Because sometimes us poets are far from wise.

i sleep
i get perfectly enough sleep
i'm not lacking
but i'm tired
i have no energy
i just want to sleep
for a little while longer
until my bones
no longer conform
and i cant
wake anymore

stop beating yourself up
for all the wrong
others have
done to you

you are the only one
who feels your pain
and you are letting
them destroy you

When your heart stops, your brain still works for seven minutes
Seven minutes to still feel pain.

Then why is it that when your heart breaks, your brain continues to play the memories of us over and over?
An eternity to feel the pain.