All day
Wrestling with my emotions
Can’t get off the mat
Deafening questions bounce of the walls
Menacing intentions as I step down the hall
My obsession with depression
Has slowed my progression  
I scheduled a therapy session
But I canceled at seven  
With acute indigestion
Don’t confuse my excuse for being aloof
Like a spider I’m a recluse
Fighting the urge to drink all the *****
The burden of proof falls squarely on you

The day that I lost you
I lost a piece of me
Like when we lost Layne
It started to rain
Now I sit at your grave and weep
Experiencing phantom pain
Random ocean waves of emotion
Flood over me
Bro we were blood
Forever destined to be
But now here’s your final resting place
Where’s my saving grace?
In my mind
I can barely remember your face
I can’t believe you won the race
To the ******* pearly gates
It was supposed to be me
Who took the early journey
To feel hell’s eternal fury
But I’m still here
A complete ******* disgrace
I’ll always shoulder this heavy weight
Pushing that boulder day to day
That’s my Sisyphean fate.

So here’s my confession
I grabbed a bottle of pills
and 750 mils of Crystal Head
To cure all my ills
But I woke up a zombie instead
Waves of emotions swept over me like a tsunami
Threadbare sanity was lost to existential dread
Like when Hannity wept when Biden was too far ahead.
The pain in my head kept spreading
I couldn’t explain why
So I grabbed a ******* drill
Shrill voices and ghosts evacuated my head
I was turned inside out, raw and red
Still all my choices reverberated in the hills
So I went back to the lab
With my pen and pad
Clickety clack clickety clack
My thumb hit that button
Monotonous motion
Trying to extract
From a bottomless stack
Numb emotions that I volleyed forth and back
Silly me seriously thought
Spilling black ink deliriously
Would be better than being cast away in a padded pen

Friends until the end they say
But they twist and bend
That word
Like blazing hot iron
Until they can defend
Looking to the sky and whistling
When you shuffle by you still miss them
I muzzle myself without raising a question.
Do that enough times you’ll go crazy
But here in fantasy land y’all still praise me
I’ll say this as affably as I can convey
Stay the **** away from me
Before
I start lobbing grenades your way
I’m done articulating
Or trying to persuade anyone
To be my friend
Until the end