Have you ever wanted
To peel off your skin
Like a grape?

Mushy and raw
As tender
As it gets

If they cannot see
The tender
Cannot touch it
In their own hands
Clench it between fists
They will miss it altogether
A small white handkerchief
Blowing in the breeze

If it’s not raw
And front and center
They may miss me
Altogether

I replay conversations
That haven't happened yet
Over and over
In my tape reel mind
Thought I'd projected
Every outcome
Every possible response
Down to probability
Maths never been a strong suite

Have you ever had a funeral
For someone who is still alive
When you have no body to mourn
But the person you imagined
Has vanished
Packed in the middle of the night
Leaving traces of their life
Dust on the countertops
With no goodbye
Is there a condolence card for that?

Have you ever had to drop a bomb
On the people you love
Blow up the very foundation
Of everything they stood on
Is there a better day to do that?

Perhaps Mondays
Which are historically
Already ****
What's the best day
To ruin someones life?

I always found old buildings
To be romantic
I imagine peeling back the wallpaper
An eager child
Exposing the framing
What secret would skitter out
Dashing for a new place to hide

I can't help but wonder
If I pressed my lips here
Would it cause you to yawn open
A blossoming flower


I want to see who roamed
These empty halls
Filled these spaces with light
And laughter that bounced
Off every corridor

You worry about baggage
While I desire to open every box
A child at christmas
Waiting for the secrets inside

Your past is entwined
With the present
And I want every story
History and fears
Each one a gift to cherish

I’ve never admired newness
There’s so much more mystery
Held in the creaking floorboards here
I want to learn just wear to step
To trace every inch of your bones
To learn you to a point of familiarity
To call you home

With a thousand miles between us
Your frequency still reaches me sometimes
A low static buzz
I’ve learned to tune out

You will creep into my dreams
A slow fog circling my ankles
Your voice a mist around me

“But really,
What would you do
Without me?”

I always wake drenched
In the anticipation and sweat
Of all I could have said

Without your shame
Accessorizing my skin
A tight necklace
That everyone admires

I blossom

Vines up a building
Protruding through the concrete
Overtaking what was always mine
The reckoning
And reclaiming


Without you
My power is boundless
While yours is finite
It’s what you always feared
I would realize

The other night I had a dream
I was force-fed glass
I didn't see you
But swear
It was your
Sticky familiar fingertips
Who held my nose

I spit up shards
Blood red pools on
Pristine white carpet
People looked on saying
"You look so happy together"

I spit the glass into my hands
Pressing it tightly into theirs
Quietly as they pass
A sharp edge note
Cutting their soft flesh

When they are miles from me
They will unfurl their fingers
Unclench their palm
The cutting edge truth
In tiny red ink will read
"We are not as happy as we seem"

“Use this time to better yourself”
You’ve got to be
******* kidding me
Tell me it’s a joke
Meant to make my sides ache
Left in stitches

Darling,
It’s a miracle
If I can drag myself from this bed
A compromise of opening a window
As a substitute for stepping outside

This room is stale
Heavy and thick
With uncertainty
A tension you could cut or even touch

No amount of sleep
Can wipe the tired from my eyes
I swear it’s packed into my bones
Our weaving through my capillaries
There’s no blood here anymore

I’ll use this time
Simply to
Survive

I woke up today
My bones
Were not cement

It was waking up
On the bottom of the ocean
A thousand leagues
Pushing on my chest

I could see you
Above me
The clear view
Before you surface

Waving hello to me
Or perhaps
Goodbye
The funny thing is
There's no way to tell the difference

My words are rotting teeth
Needing to be pulled
Forcefully from my mouth

Tired limbs
And a heavy body
Being dragged from bed
After another sleepless night

These sentences
Are switchblades
Cutting you
Straight to the bone

They must be heaved out of me
Or turn into concrete
Pebbles to boulders
Heavy in my gut

Words that poison
The water from which I drink
Must be drained from my body
Onto this page
For they're simply your memories
That no longer belong to me

Given the chance
You’d drape my skin
Right across your bones
Starting at your shoulder blades
And it still would not
Be too close

Given the chance

You’d wear me like
Your favorite sweater

That never matches anything
A hole in the armpit
From too much wear

Given the chance

You’d hang me
On your bedroom ceiling
So I could reflect back at you
The person you wish you were

The guilt
You graciously

Gifted to me

I held onto for years

For who was I to return
What you had made
Just for me

I wonder
Is it harder now for you
To learn to swim

Because the shame I shed

Is anchored to you now

Tell me
If you’ve changed
Does the ghost of who you were
Cling to your coattails

I am now
Well beyond sutures
Barely even scarred
Have your wounds healed?

I have my doubts

I hope you
Absolve yourself
If it can help you heal

Forgive
By never becoming that person
Again

Boy,
You are thick
And I mean no compliment

Getting through you
Is wading in quick sand
When no ones
That skilled of a swimmer

I collected red flags
From you
As if I were going to
Create a runaway
To always lead you
Waving please come back home

If you don’t remember
I can remind you
I bottled your anger up on shelves
They shake back and fourth
Without any wind

Rewrite our history
If it soothes you
Just know
I now
See through you

Don’t be fooled,
I smile and bite
With the same teeth



The soft lips

Trailing down your neck

Can pierce your jugular
Like a peach


Don’t be fooled,
This honeysuckle sweet

Turns to poison when need be

See my gentle heart

Can flip to hard

Unpenatrable


Don’t be fooled,

I’ve leave just as quickly
As I came


A fleeting thought

Leaving you whispering
My ******* name

I can feel it boiling
Brewing like a storm
Pebbles turn to boulders
In my gut

Is it rage
Or a sadness
We can't name

Perhaps a whirlpool
Or a tornado
That will tear down
This whole ******* town

Caution tape
Will not suffice
Run for your ******* life

You've entered into my home
With mud on your feet
Stomping carelessly

But there is no rawer form
Than me with my art
It is not a piece of the puzzle
It's a chunk of my heart

It is laying naked before you
In the most intimate way
It is peeling back my ribcage

And here you are
To infiltrate my safe space
You entitled
Little snake
Believe me, darling
This was your greatest mistake

I never knew a love
So gentle
Until you

A tenderness so unfamiliar
Unsettling
Uncertain
Waiting for the shoe to drop
But it never did

Loving you
Has been unlearning
Anticipating reactions
That will never happen

Loving you
Has been accepting
That I deserve healthy
I deserve gentle
I deserve you

There is nothing more beautiful
Than the power
Of the human body

The twitch of a muscle
Flexing behind taught skin
To do what you've asked of it


The rush of crimson
Flushing cheeks
When a loved one
Is in close proximity

The awareness
Of who occupies a space
The quick ability to analyze
"Are we safe?"

The pounding of hearts
Racing in tandem
Entangled in covers

The intricacies of our bodies
Are profound
How could we believe
We were anything less than absolute

I tried to dance with the devil
But they weren't ready for me
The next time around
You are first in line they said
The fast track to the coffin
Or ashes on your mantle
But they weren't finished with me yet

Death was never inviting
Nor was it daunting
Hell had a welcome mat
And home was overflowing with your bones

They always said
"There's more than this"
An aching dull
That you can't quite place
A numbness that rings
Echos between your ribs
A lack of certainty
Or safety
That is bone deep

It took half a decade
To unpack the ideas
You boxed into my head
My voice has shut yours out
Drawn the blinds on the window
And I will never look back

It has been a while
So long I worried
I'd forgotten the steps
The sensation
As you slip from my system
Your poison was too much
My own blood letting

But this is still my dance
It's a lovers lips
Or perhaps their hips
A synchronization
A second skin
Begging for me
To slide back in

My words
Redeem me
With a pen
You are fictitious
And I invest no power
In the imaginary

“It’ll get better”
Comes no timeline
Or strings attached

They say change is slow
But healing
Is a continuum
A push in pull
In both directions

I used to never look forward
The now was too encompassing
Ingesting me

The pain a sea
No land in sight
And I was only treading

But I have made it
Named it
Overcame it

Because I am hope
I am strength
I am resiliency
And so are you

Ate you
To the core
And they still want more

If taxation is theft
Call me Robin Hood
I’d steal from the rich
If it meant giving to the poor

What do I stand for?
That the ability to work
Is not synonymous for worth

What do I stand for?
The systematically snuffed out
For it only takes a spark
A burn-off
To catalyze regrowth

What do I stand for?
Those in transition
Feet between two lands
Splitting to accommodate
Assimilate
What do I stand for?
Quality care
For health care
Is a basic human right

I cannot fathom
Begin to imagine
How systems of power are
Placed on the individual to dismantle

Brick by brick
Pockets of people
We are the deconstructive devils
They warned you about

I stand for
The thousand versions of myself
That no one else stood for

Every single child
Who will grow into women like me
That copes with trauma
Put upon them

No concept of normality
When the hands we trust
Begin to touch
To tear
To take
What was never theirs in the first place

For all the women who ache
For her tongue to articulate
The lost art of language
She’ll never quite annunciate
For it’s grasping at strings
They’re unraveling

I stand for people
Who paths I’ll never touch
Who dance on the margins
Flowers through concrete

For a beating heart
Is enough commonality
For me

Dived in so fast we burned up upon impact
Just rubble and remnants
Of what could have been

Went too deep
Without knowing how to tread

A temporary residence
That no longer calls my name
To come back home

We knew better
And did it anyway
For the leap seemed smaller
Before we left shore

Are you still searching for my indent
Traced by the moonlight
Seeking out the heat
The comfort of my bare skin

Is the instinct to extend your arms in the dark
To wrap me up
A mechanical reflex

A familiarity to soothe you back to sleep
A safety net
From the memories
That wander into your dreams

Does the mattress sigh
On only my side
Is the space so infinite
You get lost in it

A sea of covers
To drown in
Or is this the vastness
You were dreaming of

You have mistaken me
For another woman
Perhaps, a past lover
Or one born from the brinks of your brain
Who dives into spaces
To small to hide in

A woman who would sell out herself
Set her dreams to sail
On a sinking ship
Or capsize it herself

But I am
No longer my own worst enemy
Rather the catalyzer
On my fast track to success

As the silence begins to swallow
Digest you
In truth that’s tough to stomach
It is clear the path didn’t unfold
In the direction we’d hoped

Power in numbers
The ranks of the resilient
For we are not alone
But I wish we were
That to stand aside
Didn't make it your fight

Wish you couldn't fathom
Begin to imagine
A concept so bleak
It'd leave your head spinning

That it would never be too close to home
Wouldn't touch the skin
Decorating your bones

This war being waged
On our shoulder blades
A burden that makes us bend
And re-frame

But never break
For even though it happened
We are still champions

Most days
I can check it at the door
A coat shrugged off shoulders
Kissing my blades goodbye
Shoved into the closet
Collecting dust and ghosts

But today
I am boiling over
Screaming kettle on the stove
Singe your skin
On ******* contact

My rage wouldn't just singe
But scorch
Incinerate

Obliterate your entire being
So you can never do to someone else
What you did to me

Nimble fingers
Across shoulder blades
Strumming collarbones
The sweetest sound
To touch your ears

Lips made to stitch
Where bumps and bruises
Decorate
Peach thin skin

I bet your body could blush
A deep sunset red
Blanketing my favorite skyline
So picturesque
Even Picasso would hold his breath

Tell me
Why
It's always clearer
In hindsight
That the grass is actually gray
On the other side
That the glitter in the sun
It just glass in the sand
Wedged between your toes
A cutting edge
That now seems so obvious
Darling,
Love doesn't just make you blind
It plucks the eyes
Right out of your head
And replaces them with marbles

Drawing the curtains like sleep
From my eyes
Blinded but dazzled by the light
It's spring cleaning time

Sweep the cowwebs
Decorating dark corners
On the brink of my brain

Snakeskin on the carpet
Finally shed my old self
A million breaths later
But today
I'm reborn

The self made monsters
Just scattered footsteps
Down the hall
Old defense mechanisms
Hold no purpose now

The pieces lost along the way
Were simply just a trade
Even with your interventions
I was destined
To be great

Perhaps you'll find me
Poking out from her pores
Peek a boo
Through skin

You'll be searching for me
Tucked behind her ear
Lose strands of hair
Drawing you
To trace with eager fingertips

A "perfect match"
Will never shed light
To new dark
It will keep you stagnant
For growth is not synonymous
With comfort

But I pray she meets the mark
Tucks tightly into suitcases
To shove into damp closests
To be packed away
Until the time comes

My quick wit becomes lack luster
When you promised
It was what made me shine
But you don't have room for a woman
With a spit fire mind

Not your cookie cutter woman
Fitting into a too small of frame
I am quick wit and a sharp tongue
Fast enough where you just might miss it

But my sharp tongues only valuable
If it's tracing up your thighs
And my brains only beautiful
If it's firing impulses
Saying **** him right

You want the pieces of me
That fit the mark
Potato peeler to the rest
What makes the cut?

I am not programmable
To be the person that you dream
Nor would I ever want to be

It took years to come into my own
To cherish this olive skin
And cement bones
To admire my passion
And let it fuel my fire

Believe me, darling
I will burn it down

The power in the room
Reverberates of the walls
A steady shared heartbeat
A collective consciousness
Pulsing behind our skin

It has been ingrained
That silence is synonymous
For woman
But our voices
Could shake the foundation
On which they stand

Tell me,
Does that scare you?
For we should

Taught to be timid
Conditioned to give in
To squeeze into spaces
We are wrongfully put in

But in this room full of women
Who have discovered
They are too big
To fit in these boxes
We’ve been given

I can finally breathe again

An ember
A second away from being extinguished
An instant away from a spark

While the world works
To ***** us out
We maintain our warmth

These obstacles
Simply fuel
To our fire

Perhaps to them
We are not a threat
But forest fires
Start with a spark

Preconceived fears
Slip away in breaths
Exiting from my chest
Without you
I don't love me any less

Did not lose
My gentle heart
By breaking off a slice

I am still ablaze
With a lust for life
A wildfire
Drawing the town for miles

I am not your origami woman
Taking desired shape
I am a concrete frame

I am light and love
The warmth of a fire
On your coldest day
Never to be extinguished

Excuse me
I think you misheard
I whispered
Treat me like I'm worth it
Not worthless

I'm envious
Of the freckles
Swirled across your shoulder blades
For the sun got to kiss you
A million times a day

You will find what is
Hidden
In what isn’t

Fold me into a ball
To press against your chest
Tight enough to soften behind your skin
Squeeze out my worries
A thousand sighs slipping from my lips
Let me seek shelter
Behind your skin

Existing
In the after
Is a skill I've had to master

Shed this sorrow
Clothes peeled from skin
Tuck the worries into bed
Rightfully put to rest

Composing symphonies
Upon collar bones
Across shoulder blades
Syncopated with ragged heartbeats

Writers block
Could be cured by ****
****** into bliss
Replacing perspiration
Inspiration on skin

This drought in my head
Could flood again
Be my muse
Something to use

Today I am free
To be me


Seven years gone
A new skin has set in
Molded to my tender bones
Found a place to call home
Replaced the foreign skin
I've been hiding in

Seven years passed
And I did not survive
I flourished, blossomed
I thrived

Sailing the sea
With a hole in the boat
Sinking under responsibilities
We forget we can float

Anchored by capabilities
Convinced our bones are dust
Instead of gold

Robbed blind
We are set to drift
But we're not shore wood

We are sailors
Not anchors
And despite these limits
We are infinite

Show me enough
That finally is
For nothing meets the mark

Appease the unappeasable
Fill that ache
Drilled into our hollow bones

Searching for something
But if it's a destination
We're due to never arrive

We could find it
Present in all aspects of life
With faces towards the sun
The shadows can only subside

Has the silence
Washed me away
From the shores of your memory
To the brink of your brain
Your ears deaf now
To the lull of my voice

Can you feel the swell of your heart
A rising tide in your chest
Or are you ringing hollow
A seashells siren
Aching to bask
In my radiant light

Tell me
Do I ever rush your mind?
The maps of  my olive skin
My secrets still tucked behind ears
To carry to the grave

Maybe I'm already your ghost
And even if you're haunted
You still have to live

You’re the smell of cigarettes
Caught between my fingernails
Underneath my skin once again
The ******* song stuck in my head
Blaring on repeat
There’s nothing else
Just your rhythm and I can’t sleep
You’re there
Even in my dreams
Dreams that end in screams
My fists clenching sheets
Holding secrets I cannot bear to keep
I’m drowning in these memories
But words always come too late


They say a poet will keep you immortal
But your legacy will haunt your name
I promise you
I’ll make sure you go down in flames

Two more months
And every cell you’ve every touched
Will have slipped off my skin
I will have my body back
And you will never brand me again

Maybe this is what trust is
Your scorching hands
Searing my shoulder blades
“I could if I wanted to”
Turned my insides gray

Thirteen year old skin
Stretched thin
Ached to peel away
Where your fingers had played

I was an instrument
But that’s not how I preform
I can only make symphonies now
Alone

I loved you
With every pulse behind my skin
Family
Blood didn’t have to make the bond
My protector
Becomes the predecessor to all my fears

If you’d press your ear against my chest
A reverberation of no’s would pound your eardrum
Freshly thirteen
Stolen firsts
I can never right again

“Don’t act like you don’t want it”
But it was you
Who mastered in pretend

You're the stain
On my favorite sweater
A vibrant splotch
That stamps handle with care
Across my forehead

Branded
Your names on the property title
I search for you
In every lovers face
Hidden behind glossy teeth
Lingering in glinting eyes

Take a potato peeler to the brain
Strip my scalp of your memories
The only way to escape
*Fresh flesh won't fear your fingertips

And when I wake
The pressure is too much to take
Hands I trusted and had traced
Pressing on my shoulder blades

A crescent moon smile
Parting like seas
Unveiling rows
Of sharpened teeth

Time has
Made you into a ghost
And you won't stop haunting me

Playing parts
Squeezing into molds
With no room for our skin
Let's relive the good times again

Grasping for what's not there
Just gasping for air
Reality a constant pressure
We are grounded here

Tied to our fates
Predisposition to change
But  ache
To cling to all we have made