"The day I directed
That play in Spanish,
My stomach began to tighten."

Today I came

And did not scream your name

Nor give it the breath of whispers

We're crammed on a couch and we're spinning

I tell you, you kiss like a poet

Don't you dare blame any of this
On my star sign,
Or yours,
You are just as culpable

For breaking,
Tormenting
And leaving

I have to learn to **** myself
Without imagining your hands,
Your palms,
Gliding through my body.

I have to learn how to ******
Without gasping your name,
Gripping your hair.

I have to learn to remember
That your fingertips
Are not the only ones
To ever plunge inside me,

And to remember
That your absence should not be missed.

You said you wanted me
To soften, to not let

The fires I have walked through char my heels

And yet
When I did lose my shell in front of you

you caught flame instead
And asked I be removed

I read other people's love poems
And find glimpses of you in their words

But my breath comes easier now,
And so does sleep

And I will not be deterred
From who I wish to become.