I just need someone to love me
Tell me that they want me
Make sure they know I care
And say they're always there
If I had someone like that
I wouldn't be so lonely
That person would make me feel so *****
I cry every night
Because I've been so hurt
People wonder why
I tell them, they push me in the dirt
People who think they are the ****
Whatever 'cause you can mess with it
That it will be my heart
You little *******!!

I try to stay up every night
To keep me from the dreams of which I fright
There's a whole list of them
But this one hurts the most
My whole family is leaving
By brother and sister are staring
And crying
I am tied to a chair
Forced to watch
As they pull away
In their dark red truck
I am stuck in this chair
For all of eternity
Never to die
Never to socialize
Just sitting there and wondering why
Why did they leave me?
What did I do?
I would have fixed it only if I knew
My roommate says I cry in my sleep
She wonders why
But she will never know
The pain of being left
As some weird freak show

Don't just sit there hating life
If you are, don't you wonder why?
Life is:
Learning new
Identity
Features
Every day
So why hate life
When it's just a whole new experience?!

He says he loves me
I just don't know
He says he's reliable
I just don't know
He says he'll always be there
I just don't know
He says it isn't my fault
I just don't know
I say I'll always love my daddy, but
**I just don't know

Dear little Elias,
You're still not born into this wonderful world
We wish upon you all the strength to get through
The hard parts of life
It's okay to sometimes just cry
We hope you can be honest
Through all the hardships
Life will bring to you
And have the integrity
To get through it too
We hope you do have kindness
No doubt that you always will
We want you to be trustworthy
So we can be honest too
We wish the best of happiness
We know you will always be loved
Keep faith in our heavenly Father
For he has blessed your family with you
We want you to have endurance
And for you to be respected and give respect too
We care here little Elias
HWAM is your biggest fam
We pray that you will grow up Wise
So that you can pick the choice that is right
We wish that all of these will show: Wisdom, Trustworthy, Integrity, Happiness, Kindness, Honesty, Endurance, Respect, Strength, Love, and Faith
I love that you have parents who are truly great

Sometimes we don't understand
The difference from fantasy and reality
Until your wake up call is done
Be aware of all your actions
Some you may regret, some you may not
Be cautious when you decide
How to share your thoughts
Love yourself
Accept your love
In a moment in time
You may find the one

Today is the worst day
It started alright, no, maybe, okay
My daddy called yesterday
He said he loved me
He said he's just way to busy
Well isn't that the story of my life!
I apologized for things I didn't even do
All he said was a simple Thank you
He said he would call
Today of all days
Sitting here waiting
Hating my life
I just wish that people I miss had more time
Sitting in this homeless shelter
Wanting to just already die

Today is the worst day
It started alright, no, maybe, okay
My daddy called yesterday
He said he loved me
He said he's just way to busy
Well isn't that the story of my life!
I apologized for things I didn't even do
All he said was a simple Thank you
He said he would call
Today of all days
Sitting here waiting
Hating my life
I just wish that people I miss had more time
Sitting in this homeless shelter
Wanting to just already die

Everyone says I should love myself
But they don't realize this life I call hell
I'm supposedly part of West Medford's ghetto
I don't think of it that way
I've lived in it my whole life
I didn't even have the thought to ever cry
People would tell me not to be weak
Not to cry, keep an eye open when you sleep
My grandpa died and everything went down
I hated my life
I learned how to cry
And my daddy saw
How bad I wanted to die
We didn't do anything
Until I was 13
Now I love my life, most of the time
I think about my Great Gramma and I have those bad thought
She died while I was in treatment
I still can't believe it
I didn't talk to her before she died
I feel so bad for all the lies
I just lay there and cut and cry
I'm trying so hard
I even stopped cutting
But it's getting bad when I don't have anyone with me!

There is this little girl
She's living in this big world feeling all alone
Most say she's fine
But there are those few who realize her
That she's all alone
They want to know who
Who would put her in this danger?
Who would let this happen?
They must be a bad person
I look at myself now and realize
It's really is my fault she left
It's my fault my dad isn't here now
And I should just get used to it
Some people may be on the contrary, but I believe this
It's all my fault...
I'm just a *******...

So there are these kids
At the shelter where I live
One is older than me and so cute
He isn't like a little kid
Well enough about those people
Who remind me of my siblings
More about my sister
Who is my little Darth Vader
Her name is Vayda and she's my baby girl
For her I would give the entire world
She's in the best family
Well duh I'm her big sis
But I'm scared that I will fail her
For I cannot stop all this ****
I smoke, I drink, hell I even fight
But I don't want her to resort to that
I'm afraid that she just might..
I do this 'cause I've done it for so long
I cannot stop, but one day it will **** me
That's how I know it is wrong...

My vision is blurred
Like i'm going blind
You aren't around
And i'm wondering why...
Why did you leave me?
I thought you truly cared
I thought you would stay with me
I thought you were always there
If I had a chance, I would jump for joy
To get you back, hopefully not as a little boy
You need to own up and say that you didn't care
I still wear your clothes
But how would you know?
That I really loved you
There are many fishes
Out there in the big blue sea
I can find one that is better for me
So ******* and all your little friends
I'll find better than you in the end

The cops may say they're the good guys,
But they don't even know
All the **** we go through
Like all those punches we throw

The cops came and got me last night
Brought me to the psych ward
Gave me a hallucination
Bruised my hands, of course

I struggled and I fought
I didn't wanna go
Get sent back to treatment
Nobody cares about me though

I slit my wrists
You watch me bleed
I slit my wrists for you to see
How much pain you've given me
And how much you really mean to me
I slit my wrists
I watch myself bleed
I slit my wrists tears pouring down my cheeks
You're trying to stop me
I'm getting weak
I fall to the ground to fall asleep
Never to wake up again

I wish I could be mean
I wish the pain would stop
I wish about many other things
But I wish this would drop and die
My world is fading back slowly
I wish the voices would leave me alone
I wish people wouldn’t think I am crazy
I just wish to be alone
There are people in my head
You think I’m crazy, but I’m not
I wish you could understand
But I know that you try not
I wish I could just be me
These wishes will never come true
But all I can do is hope
That you don’t have the voices too

There is this girl
Whom which I am in love
She makes me feel special
Like i'm up above
She doesn't live near
She lives far away
But I hold her so dear
And hope she'll always stay
I LOVE AND MISS YOU KEARA!!!!!!

I feel so great when I’m with you
When I’m with him, it’s like a zoo
With you it’s heaven
And far from it with him
He just sits around and sleeps again and again
He thinks he so perfect, he thinks so fine
I think about it and I’m grateful he’s no longer mine
I’d rather be single than be stuck with him
It’s hard just to mingle not knowing where or when
He may show up one day, but I’ve got news for him
I may want that, but I don’t want what’s within

Treatment isn't as fun as you think
People get restrained nearly every day
You're lucky if you have a good group
Treatment means you have no freedom
You're always watched
Staff are always there
And if not staff
The cameras are in every corner watching you
You may need it, which is okay
But if you don't, best choice is to stay with you parents,
until moving day

I sit here and all i do is cry
curled up in this blanket, not knowing why
I feel different from this world
I feel invisible
When i'm in my cocoon i feel safe
As if all the pain and scars don't even exist
This blanket is a shield to all those hurtful words
Don't let them affect you, but if you do
Know you have a blanket to keep you shielded too