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XR
I am naught but a twig
In the mouth of a pit bull
Clenched between wet jowls
Doom, impending.
I tried it my way,
took my own chances
Bloodied my fingers
and my lungs.
Smoked and drank
more then I ate
and I ate a lot.
Now I drink from a different bottle
This one filled with
soothing emptiness,
In peach-colored capsules.
Education sat beaten
Between smoke banana walls
in the southwest corner
Of a building bubbling nonsense
I sat proud and tense
Eager
Clutching at some no name chance
To lurk and let down
I gained your attention and lost purpose
managing to tiptoe
Into sincerity
I am reduced to:  
Ten fingers.
Twenty-eight white teeth.
Two firm arms and two strong legs and

three
parallel
lines.
I will never truly see, how you could sit and watch
As they grew without you or your presence
You knew they needed a statue to grow
Like ivy climbing a wall
Yet instead, you buried your head in the alcohol
No one forced your hand
No one held a gun to your head
It was your choice, YOUR choice to sow the seeds of these vines
Yet you turned your back, and like a careless entity
let them grow, all alone with nothing to cling to but the crumbling walls of a downtrodden building
Built up by man
Strengthened, by his desire to create
Weakened, by his neglect, and the maltreatment of others
Why, Why would you sit by and watch, from a distance?
How could you stop caring?
These vines were yours, this ivy, YOU planted.
And like a child, you chose to throw them aside like they were nothing
Years go by, the vines have climbed their way up the wall, thick, and strong.
Surviving on their own, with the wall to support.
I guess, maybe you thought it was best?
Maybe, it was what was right, to let them grow on their own, to fight, and scratch, and claw their way up on their own.
They became stronger that way, relying on a broken surface to guide them.
So that they would not become like you.
The withered, hollow hull of a man, longing for a second chance, to tend to his ivy.
Maybe your chance isnt gone
Maybe, there is still time.
Not for the grown, Lush ivy that stands, but for the ivy they will one day themselves, sow.
at home we have                        
i guess you could call it a joke
involving a plastic spider                      
about the size of my palm                      
this spider
a red-back i believe
is placed somewhere
on top of a door                                        
so it'll fall on the next person                  
who opens it                                              
and the whole thing
is a bit of a competition
of who can not be scared
when it falls unexpectedly
onto them, then put it somewhere
where it'll fall on someone else

right now                                                          
i believe its perched                                        
on the shower head                                                                    
i didn't put it there                                
i spotted it out of                                    
the corner of my eye                              
i hope i don't
forget it's there
when it topples onto me
is it sad                                                         
or grotesque                                                 
that i find              
your scars              
to be beautiful?                                                     

i hate that you have                         
so    m a n y of them                          
and if i could
i would go back
and love you more                                
before you hurt yourself                      
but i can't
and i'm not
the reason for them                                            
but i love your scars                                          
they're a part of you
and who you've become

and i love who you are                
scars and all                         
you're beautiful                      
-
about my friends and boyfriend, you're beautiful, and i love you all
i got the messages you sent                                                                      i replied to all of them
                                                     now i'm just waiting for your reply

                                                                                                                               will you actually send one?
                                                                                                                                              i hope so
because the last thing i sent was
                             *"i love you"
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