same as every place I've never been it's
much like nothing else I've ever written
different than nowhere I've always been it's
a little bit like everything I've never done
never done never done

just breathe and go with it
it'll turn down the volume slowly
it'll pick up again in no time but it'll stop
it'll stop but it'll pick up again in no time
no time and all the time in the world
all the time in your mind

and if you keep looking back on it
so frequently
you're just gonna get dizzy
you're gonna be spinnin'
brain fizzy
fizzy bubbles in a
glass of water
clinging to the sides in little clusters
born out of black holes
emanating truth

the weight of it
bending all things into it

you can look back now
but look far
look to the horizon
reach further than that
and you'll see it unfolding
and folding in synch with the ocean
the caress of tendrils of bubbles
tickling the sandline

you'll be able to feel it
between the fingertips of the moon
where yours fit perfectly
wrapped around
warm radiant stardust
radiant stardust

that you, too
are everything

Grip grip grasping at words dangling from the tips of thousands of tongues tied to the sky gasping.

Drip drip dripping in viscous dew they slip slip easily from frantic fingers.

The cup held with patient hands is being ever filled forever overflowing drip drip drip.

See sentences swingin' from spit slingin' serpents.

Don't be rippin' 'em down.
Try listenin'. It's a
trip trip trip

palms out

tip tap
tip tap
tap tap
dipper dapper
tipper tapper

mind the gap
between the lines
between the letters
in the confiines
of the context
of the next word
the last word
the next line
and the last line

and the voids between words are
plump with delicious mountain ranges

queries reveal hidden trails
born by the scurrying
of many a thoughtkin

rustle rustle

It's thirty minutes to three in the morning.
I woke up from a nap that was half a night's sleep.
It told me to take it further than the tips of my fingers.

Then the words swirl around in my head and get
caught in whirlpools going around and around.
Never really quite profound until
something changes
and the flow changes direction...
all it needs is a little guidance,

and there you are being a little sundance.
It's a cute inward angle of the feet,
ankles out and pulling on your fingertips.

I can't seem to write fast enough
to record the rapid vignettes
flashing around my skull.

but I'm dancing in the rain as
sheets of water slip off rooftops.
and I am wearing a tie-dye shirt that
will never fit me anymore.

a shirt my mother made me...

and my brother is laying
at the foot of the staircase
and I am running down the steps
and with four to spare I jump —
landing on his stomach.

a trampoline, I imagined

and there I sit, in my father's lap
out on the back porch,
with a bag of carrots.
I only like the crunch
crunch crunch ptooey!
my brother is wheezing on the couch

and my porch is covered in carrots

Gurl I was on that sad ****
I was gonna lose it
all this time misusin it
abusin it not provin ****

Now I'm a tutti gucci bad *****
leather tutu mad witch
gender switch role swap
listen to the beat drop
drop, drop

I'm a side show tickle tackle
fickle gabber earth battle
pillow blanket thought shatter
mass matter pitter patter
pitter patter pitter patter
glitter
glitter
bomb!

Rainbows and unicorns
and ****
yeah
uh

Save me a smile or two, please.

I filled the caverns of my eye sockets with spoonfuls of confectioners sugar.

Injected play dough into my veins and played with my pulse like silly putty.

Artificially flavored fluids collect in my lungs as I lie struggling to breathe around swollen nothings.

I still have eyelids flapping wildly in the wind over these several sweet mountaintops, only tips of the iceberg.

Bags of skin droop 'neath curlicue loopdiloop eyelashes, over and onto bloated cheeks inflated with forced happiness.

My tongue is swollen with misgiven wishes, protruding from crusty lips, overworked in an attempt to shape a beautiful reality.

Creamy caramel creeps from the corners of each belated blink.

My pores are pushing daisies up and out of my skin as they gush glowing-bright-white yellow-matter-custard, smelling of childhood memories.

Save me a smile.

I yearn to someday make something of utmost individuality.
But it seems today I'm pensively turning blank pages perpetually.

It seems I'm marred, and it's
macrame macrame, same thing every time.

Presumably, light of it comes, but with what am I left as it goes?

Retinal scarring! Badum poots.

Maybe some knots in the cords of my back and creases down the corners of my every smile.

What comes up
must go down
dimple dimple frown frown
Come on outside for a while!
Sunshine daisy daffodil!
Hills and valleys, mountains
and canyons it's a whole
life story out there

But then I sit down
sit down,
and pluck the same strings
same strings.
Different order
same strings.
What'sit bring?
What's it bring?

Today I sit down
sit down
to tell you a story.
It's a short story,
but it's also a long story.

Like a mountain range you see from miles away without walking it's entire length.

I was a little monster with blinders on.
I took to my parents in a way of which I'm not too fond.
I was an orb of obsession and wrinkles of scorn on her forehead.
I was particles and waveforms trying to ride a bicycle.
I was ropa vieja mistaken for some kinda soup.

Papá!
You taught me how you saw the workings of the universe but you worked it like a cockroach. You turned me into low tail low tail grinding on the guard rail. Ready to flip over the side and tumble tumble crash. I was ready to die. You sewed my face onto screens of LEDs screaming with the cries of unclothed children. and you left me crying Mäma!

Mäma!
Saving grace grave face I'm sorry for what he's done to you. I see the weight of over two decades worth of ball and chain dead leaves still dangling from your eyelashes. I see you ripping them out from the roots when it gets to be too much. I solemnly sit beside you at that cursed kitchen table trying to wish on as many of my own so that yours may grow back without any fault. Oh, but I see them sprouting out all crooked in all directions and whenever you bat an eye you run the risk of years of silent tears tumbling on back in an attempt to finally be heard.

I've learned that no truth will come from the wishes you make on the lashes you take with force. Let 'em go with grace. Leave them alone and let them fall from your face like the loudest raindrops.

Our wishes come true just as we speak —
and listen...

Whirrr
whirrrrrr
whirrrrrrrrr

The difference in the frequency the tone that the two lightbulbs in my room resonate at is approximately 3Hz. Whirwhirwhir
Whirwhirwhir

Out of sync
Out of sync
Out of sync

The dissonance is pulsating around the room, bouncing off of and into every surface therein. Wuhwuhwuh and my ears hear my ears hear my ears hear it at about three times per second. Wuhwuhwuhwhat were you saying? I'm sorry I'm sorry the lights in my room are out of tune. The lights in my room are out of tune. The lights in my room are off.
What were you saying?

I'll mind ya like a monsoon you hurricane gale force spirit wind, you!
Seems like you can't see past the eye of your silly storm seems like it's easy breezy bright light night sky lemon cheesy moon.

I'll mind ya like a monsoon of rabid baboons don't steal my life wine it's not mine same light same shimmer. Everything's every color but the one I see.

Oh jeeze oh jeeze
gimme a squeeze

Crackling windows and
shattered power lines
low and grumbling.

A tree spreads its wings
and uproots itself from the soil.

Downtrodden shacks stand tired
at half staff, barely paying attention.

***** roads
dirt roads
trodden
untrodden
my humble abodes

They've hammered
a rusty nail into
the northern star
and hung an advertisement there -
It's the brightest shiner in the sky

Weeping willow weepin'
Done crying, now a sleeping fellow

frozen fingers ask for change
Never really Done crying
done trying
Never really Done

A house
split down the middle
rusty rouge and a battered blue

A solemn lady
saunters with a stop sign

Pine tree pines to the left

Pensive pencil pours
pickled thoughts to paper

Pied piper pries
sleepy eyelids

pulls sick stories
pulsating pupils

monstrously
melodious musings

making meal of my darkness

The motion of your body
in the throes of getting through to me
are a dance I'd like to fold up
and put in my pocket.

The hinge at the wrist
and a nonchalant manus
looking to the west waiting
for an answer...

I find wondrous waterfalls
falling from the tips
of every finger
cascading.

There's a world within your grasp
as you transfer your temple between
the infinite bubbles of your surrounding space.

Your eyes saccade softly yet swiftly
as they envision worlds from other dimensions that I can only visit through your woven webs.

I will lay in them and swing
as a hammock in the summertime.

We will weave them together
as our phenomena emerge
into sacred universal patterns.

Our contents will thaw when
the sun starts to stay longer,
they will melt and flow
as our crystal lattice structures
ceaselessly shatter and
recrystallize into geometric flowers.

We are dancing rocks
We are dancing rocks
who have learned
how to love and —
Now we are aflame!

We are licks of carnelian
shifting to a roaring citrine.

Now we are jade flowers floating
to tropical turquoise waterways...

Kyanite kites flying into
deepening oceans of lapis lazuli.

Gold flecks
explode into purple
as our eyes flutter open into
bursts of bright white feathers.

The wails of the clock are hard to ignore.
Minds melt into neurosis as bodies squirm in uncertainty.
Dance and unleash yourself from suffering!
Dance dance dance!

a humanoid figure
solemnly sits
shiny skin
shimmerin'
breathing
through slits

clad all in leather they
engulf creaky chairs
'pon which they slobber
exploding in laughter
viscous shrapnel splatters
all four corners of my headspace
deep space dead head exploded and teeth tumbling
masticating time

stumbling
emaciated efforts

the frail skeleton saunters
as bones of driftwood sing
essences of the ocean

slimy skin once taught
now slips like time as
feet of crow and bodies
reach for the earth

a pocket watch screams to a stop
black lace veils drape all the faces of the mourning universe

take it further than
blue jay blue jay
sunshine on a gloomy day
my goodness I'm a mess
took my thoughts on a
rip tide lawl ride
tongue tied n' fried and
I'm sighing sighs of silly songs
over sickly sickles sicking dogs
of love on rippling rainbows
step aside, ego!

i wanna see your shadow
summer's soon anywho

sun rays wrap 'round trees
wooden snowflakes on the
sky bursting rainbows from
tips of glowing eyelashes

the crinkle shatter melody
of melting snow dancing
with a clearwater tenor

peeter peeter
twitter tweeter

sing song singgg
chickadeedeedee

on my
shhhhhoulder
bumblebeebee buzzes
big eyes and fuzz

gold fleck
sunshine dust

friendly fellow
flew

barren forest goddess

the white wind is running with
the sighs of saplings

foreign spores swirl
in spirals of springtime

dancing planets sparkle in
bursts of faerie dust and
the veins are crackling with
the life of lightning bolts as
rivers bubble over with laughter

cries of newborns overlap
giggles of dying dying and
the utmost amount of trying
is crumble dry leaf soil smile

white birch bird perch
tweet tweet whistle

blinding bright white crystals
fall slightly sideways

I'm a secret garden black star ceaselessly assimilating the creation of my memories at the speed of reflection! A lot of the time I can't say I'm attempting refraction so all I get is fusion diffusion bright light confusion. I'm a Gaussian blur black glow and I'm a grey and white rainbow gradient peacock feather floating up from heaven. Trickle down love theory is just about as good as corporate fascism. **** wants stagnant water to float on top. C'mon! Let's dance, let's swing, let's bubble out of our ***! Let's boil it down, break it down, let's take it down and bring it up to a whole new temperature! Let's evaporate to a higher state of being together...!

[2008, age 13]
Dear Self,

Are you here today?
The same person I am
from your younger's same
If you are here, then yes,
it is you and it is I

We are the same
and different

You are probably
a musician, an artist,
or someone who works
with their hands.

a poet, a harpist,
a person interested
in the fiber arts.

Either way,
we like what we do
and we want to do it

You traveled back
with advice and a
message

Keep this still
and think of it always

I wished you good fortune,
and I truly hope
it has fallen to you.

From,
Thineself

p.s.
Remember
The Rock

Fill the abyss with a kiss

and well,
it's never too late to restart
it's never too late to restart
it's never too late to restart
it's never too
hahahaaaaa

Sometimes it's nice
how I can fall back
onto certain phrases,
but **** would I love to leap
into new ones!

It just means
I've gotta start skipping
I've gotta give myself a
good runnin' start!

It's like I'm pre-placing
all the notes in the scale
and ripping them out in a
roll roll roll
just because I know I can
but I should really pay
more attention
to each
and every
one
individually....
after all it's the sum
of all the parts that make it
greater than the pieces
apart

anyway like
what are you trying to say
what are you trying to black hole black hole where do these words come?!
from star gazer star gazer
try to think thoughts and
all of a sudden universe
universe and
I just want to make it
from one place to another but
it just so happens that
that place is just another
and then there's another
and another to go to and
all of a sudden I'm in the
throes of the universe
the throes of creating new places
and how am I supposed to create a new place if I'm trying to figure out how to get to the next place?

jeeze I'm just another face!
what the ****, look at all these eyes everywhere! how many are there?!

I'd love to count,
I'd love to sit beside
every single one of them
and enjoy every nuance
of their dilation and
it's always fun to see
myself in the blackness
of their pupils.
In the right light sometimes
I can see my own pupils.
Sometimes I can see
my own star
gazer gazer star gazer
black hole universe you are
a breath in the making you are
a breath in the taking in
the giving in the
receiving and
I'm in the throws
I'm in the lobby waiting
I'm in the lobby lobbing linguistic lilies from pond to pond and I'm licking lateral lines across your lilting laughter and what are you some kind of heart monitor?

My thoughts are shallower than the puddle you didn't even notice you stepped in.

The once plump
****** blister is
now a deflated ego

a portion of identity
lays separated,
slightly detached and

peeled back -
there is another layer
also dead

and peeled back -
there is raw skin
feeling fresh air
for the first time

It is stinging cool
from the soft breeze
from the swinging of the arm
at every tick tock

and the soul is swinging
from the tips of my fingers

I feel my heart rolling down
the sleeves of my shirt as
centrifugal and gravitational
forces pull blood towards the
surface of my skin and I feel
the rhythms of my systole
diastole tension and release and

the ocean leans in
for a kiss and
leaves fish stranded
on the sand

in it's parting, the ocean floor
seems to be shallower here

but it must be deeper
somewhere else
and after all

when one door shuts
another opens
when one light goes off
another goes on and
when one universe contracts
another expands

The spiders are a lil upset we shined light on their webs!
They're all shiny now, well woven, and quite sticky icky.
**** their new system of slavery!
'We the People' are separate from their corporate fuckery!
We are not at war with the world. They are.
Come pray mantis with us
we will slice their silk and
make meal of their black magick.

sweet flag you are acorus!
you are kori you are the
stalk of the eyes and
calamus oh the core of us
is sipping smoke of
sweet flag
you the reed that
drips sap for my
darkening pupils
you are the line
and the dot
you are the pupil
growing upward
you are the reed that writes
and it's nice to meet you.
mmm

oh dream you are joy,
sweet music and
a whispered scream

nightharrowing daymare
exploding into sparrow
Oh, hello, crow!
You are trans*

You are transforming
You are going across
that land and you are
ab domus! you are
ab fabulous!

You are ab a more amor!
You are becoming,
becoming amor!

You are becoming more!
Always and all ways
you are transcending...

at every now you are
ascending
and even
in descent you are
taking a walk on the y axis

going across the x axis
you are walking down
the infinite spokes
that spin from your soul,

and you are a
medicine wheel,
no, a medicine orb
with spokes like
vines that split like
veins de la vie and

it's la vie en rose
it is blood red lifewine
tendrils of life

and all the lifelines on
your palms
drip vino de vie

they are stark
strokes of scarlet
gushing truth
in vino veritas
in vino veritas

my body is spirit anyway
and my spirit is smoking calamus

cute dancing
separated vertebrae
you are an example
in the making
come find out
what's it's like to love
you'll find it's like
the gills of a fish
sometimes
you've just got to wander
exploding ink well
oh well oh well
cover me in red lines
over my fault lines
it's a dance with the devil
and I'm praying to lux luctis.
poor Lucifer is misunderstood

We're two envelopes!

We're two envelopes
and we're on our way
homeward and we're
two envelopes
endlessly enveloping
one another!

We're two letters!

We're two letters
and a trillion words
unspoken and we're
two letters
endlessly opening
one another!

We're
two pages!

Two pages
kissing the same
pen and we're
two pens!

Two pens
kissing the same
page and we're
two pens!

We're two pens!

Two and One

omnomnom
yummy cookies
satnamnom and
"There is only One God," they said!
and I was like,
"Psh! Nawww, dude! They're isn't a 'God'. Prove it!" But then I was like, "Wait, since when the **** do I ever prescribe myself to oppressive dichotomous systems?!" and then all of a sudden I was like,
"Wait, there's like an infinite amount of those things!" and
then I was like, "Whoa, infinity is totally one."
but then I was like, "Wait, it's also totally none."
and then I was like, "
everything is one
everything is twice one
everything is half of each
and infinitely more than none
and that sounds like pretty much everyone I know.
and, well, let's just say
that there's one constant
and that one constant is love
and that love is always changing
that love is always growing
expanding in all directions
and ever since ever is it
becoming love

hehehe
tumble roll
roll a joint and
pack my bowl and I've got
a bit of mental lag so it's a
little hard to pack my bag 'cause
I'm a little fried maybe a little
charred even, totally
baked, I'm a cake frosted
but I haven't lost it,
Sometimes I'm a little confused
but I'm still baking!
whole wheat **** infused
chai tea orange zest cookies
yummy sativa,
a dash of indica but
whoa!
mmm they're
dangerously delicious
and one, two, three,
oops! that's four and
one more, they're just
so good! if only I could
stop!
but yummm
sat nammmnomnom

Let us be mindful of who we are.
Let us be mindful of love,
our very essence.
Let us open ourselves to love, and
in so doing, open ourselves to ourselves.
Let us open ourselves to each other, our other ourselves.
Let us be mindful of what we choose to identify with.
What we choose not to identify with.
Let us be mindful of who we are.
Who we are not.
Let us know what we want and do not want.
Let us see what others want and do not want.
and let us do not harm.
Let us do love.

Hope springs eternal for
that eternally springing Spring!

tricklin' down
the railroad tracks
tickle laugh
forward back
movin' and a groovin'
rockin' and rollin' and I
can't seem to take
my eyes off you
and I just wanna
roll around with you
and yer rollin' 'round
my head, coo coo!
yer rollin' 'round
my head, coo coo!

You give me time,
you give me space.
You give me hugs, kisses,
and licks on ma face!

We know it's not a competition.
We know it's not a race.
So we give each other
all the time
and all the comfy space!

You let me change, you let me grow.
If something's off, you let me know.
When it gets dark, we still glow.
We don't get stuck, we let it flow.

No grudges, shame.
No guilt, no blame.
We both know
it's not a game.

but if we may, I say
we should lay around
and play all day!

You understand me like no one else
and you treat e like no one has before.

I was trying to translate what I was feeling as I saw the words forming in front of me and I felt like I was trying to crawl out of the space between every letter, like I was trying to blossom or explode out of every word but every pixel of every letter was holding me back...

It seems I'm stuck
In between the lines

Sometimes I wonder whether or not I'll be able to stand as I sit down sit down why don't I just use my hands and try it?

Sometimes I beat the same idea to death to death to death to death to death...

Sometimes I use the same words until they're ***** rags ***** rags.

but those are the ones you use to wash all that nasty **** off —
never a nice one!

I've noticed I've been really stuck in a whirlpool whirlpool whirlpool spin around spin around same thing something different swinggg down the riverside and I'm a stone thrown and I'm a hop skip and a jump and I'm a splish splash bubble dance go for a spin and take a chance always flying by the seat of my pants! dance! dance! dance! I 'got ants in ma pants! ants in ma pants!

I was alone in
flesh and bone.
Flesh and bone
Flesh and bone bone
Bone.

I crawled into your ribcage,
I crawled into your cracks,
and never did I stop to think
to think of how I how I act.

What we say and
What we do were
not at one they
were at two and
'You and I' were
meant to die 'cause
we only came to finish.

and all we wanted was some warmth
all we wanted was some warmth
but I gave you
pickled poison
We gave each other
poison poison and
I took your tainted blood I
took your tainted blood

What am I, a needle?

Needle needle
need me please
Roll up your sleeve
Roll up your sleeve!
Cut off your circulation
Stop the flow
Soon you'll know
Soon you'll know
Soft skin blue veins
Red sin steel chains
Penetrate your skin
let the poison in in
let the poison in
I need to have you
I need to HAVE you
Gimmegimmegimme
You're mine, you're
ALL MINE!

I was alone in
flesh and bone
I was alone
I was alone

oh, sick mongrel-tree-tearer!
your poison blood crackled
lightning right through our
interwoven riverways! pour
pour pouring sap now from
our broken branches broken
twigs dead leaves, dead leaf
leave us now! and we are no
longer sturdy here, you took
our raindrops away and you
dammed up our waterways,
we are cauterized! stray cats
crying mrow mroww trying
to fend for ourselves, but we
were fed rat poison, and you
fed it to me since ever, since
I was a little kitten. goodbye
you little friendly sociopath
what are we a box of ghosts?

Ha! *** God? hahaha
You're a ****** 'god'!
a leech, a tick at best and
sure you've got a bright side
but those interlacing threads
that you so easily hid behind
prevented me from thinking and
from feeling and I'm sorry,
I wanted to like it, I wanted to, but
I'm thrown into oblivion
by this power differential and
I'm a suspended particulate
in space space space and
whether it's perceived or
imposed is rather irrelevant
and fully functioning as he
held me close and he
spoonfed me snow and
he planted sick saplings
between my ripe ribs and
he carefully twisted them
as they sprouted out
of my skin my skin and
somehow he was my...
my savior but
he suffocated me
with his kisses and
my neck was never long enough
to pull back from those lifesuckers
and my throat was always numb
from what he put inside me and
it's what keeps him happy
what makes him happy and
my lips would dance dance dance
around sharp shards the sharp shapes
of words but I would only chew on
cotton ***** cotton ***** and
they'd never fall but
my castle sure did
my keep sure crumbled
and he's a crippled
conquerer.
I was just
another thing
to have to him.
I was something to win

I am 'cause of what I'm not
and I want love, y'know, a bit of
everything and nothing at all
and, well, I want myself back.

I want to want myself.
I want to be myself.
I want to connect.
I want to LISTEN, but
why do I have to be so ******* deaf?

I'm in the backseat now,
behind the wheel, but I can't
hear where we're going

Could you turn it down?
I don't think they heard me.
Nice clouds, pretty trees,
I like the gradient of the sky.

Up and up the elevator and
I'm so tired of your words falling
shattered on my ear drums
as they translate into
polyrhythmic fuckery
and I'm left struck dumb
and scrambling for the downbeat

buzzing lights and whirring wires
humming fans and the squealing
of brakes from 16 floors down

sirens blind my mind's eye and
down on the streets I'm losing your words
like a fat pig chasing an anarchist
black mask, no idea
out of breath

Gah! Whisper in my ear, please.
I just want to climb all the hills and
valleys of your words and swim in
every nuance of their inflection

I just want to be a gift
Present, and able to
unwrap your song

sigh
I'm a tremblin cockatoo
gimme a little birdie to feed
I just want some melodies to fill my ears
with corn, pop corn and butter, and
god I'm such a needy little watcher,
what am I some kind of granted taker?
am I some sort of frantic faker?
Hush, kiddo you're no failure.
That ain't no way to treat your love.
****, just forgive yourself already.
What are you waiting for? An apology?
You first.
Ha!
I'm sorry.
Don't be! I know where yer at.

My language seems to work great
for discussions with myself
but once it's someone else's self
it doesn't seem to make much sense
any more

/here again
//here again
///here again
////here again
we're always back-
words going forwards
we're tripping black hole light benders
and we let it spiral in and spiral out
and we **** it in and spit it out
and we're a time twister and
I've got all my ticks and
tocks in a knot but you
pull that string and
it all comes loose and
then I've got all my
feathers in a row
weighing in at about
a thousand pounds and
they're laced down the
skin of my shoulders
and they're tied in there
with your hair and the blades
of my shoulders have sprouted
and grew and sometimes
they can be heavy

and I'm folding in
on myself and I'm
a fern growing back
in time and I'm the
granite gargoyle at
the gate of my soul

spread my stone wings
spread my wings and fly
unfurl the feathery fern, fly
fly forward fly forward
for words for words
for words

Wowowowww, don't have a cow!
Meow meow meow!
The time is now!

It's always time for change and
it's never too late to start!
It can be little stange but
it becomes an art!

Our eyes are near
and my heart is hot
but your stare is cold —
a thousand miles away

Your words are clear
and time has stopped
there's nowhere to go
my thoughts are broken and blurred

Sweet lips, your sweet lips
Carry such a bitter sound...

I'm floating in place with
no lover to face

trembling, trembling
trembling heart space

I'm spinning in circles
looking for miracles

and it's proving to be
horribly difficult

Trying to fly
with no wings to spread

I crumble and cry
a song for what's dead

the sound of alarms
ring in my head

the sound of alarms
ring in my head...

I'm trying so hard
I don't know what to do

My heart is aching
thinking of you

A small square of paper
sits on my tongue

With razor sharp edges
and tasting of dung

It takes me to spaces
deep in my mind

Where there's too many places
and not enough time

I've been drowned in guilt
and I'm suspended in shame

Repeatedly killed
like in a video game

Written upon
the sharp paper square
are words for destruction
and guilt and despair

It's a trip like no other
you won't even feel high
you'll feel like a bother
and just want to cry

Drifting in place
dead in deep space

You left me here with
tears on my face

Crystalline droplets
scintillating pearls

spinning in circles,
spirals, and swirls

Why did you think
to leave me alone

at the cold ugly brink
a frost to the bone

the cold hard shoulder
feels far colder
than a lifeless boulder
I'm cold, I'm
cold

I speak with my music
and these notes are my words
My harp is my voice
and these strings are the cords

I try hard to play
But you've cut them all off
My harp is left bare
naked, unstrung

I'll move all the pedals
But unto what end?
I can't speak my heart
I can no longer pretend

It's time to stand up
and take a great bow
Walk off the stage
The end is —
.....

and
There is a silence
in the mist, hidden
between the little
droplets, whispering
rivers of soft words from
past lovers evaporated~
.....

together
we held hands
and in our palms
we held time

and we ran away
from the rising sun
so we could see it
rise forever

but we grew tired
and we slowed down
and the sun sped up
and time was slipping
between our fingers
dripping
from our knuckles

and together we ran
we ran away toward
the setting sun
as fast as we could
but we were too tired...

and
you showered me in
silky sheets of glowing lovelight
you embraced me with
warm rays of shimmering soulshine

you pushed and pulled my ocean's tides
in and out like a lilting melody
making love to a perfect harmony

but slowly you
drifted away
into space
to shine on new rocks
leaving me cold my
ocean waves
still...

and
For the longest time
I wanted to thank you, thief
for stealing my heart.

I thought it'd be better off
in someone else's hands anyway,
because I sure as hell
didn't take good care of it.

Can you tell me about the time
you carefully held it close?

because I'm sure
that you can remember that
because that's all you want
to remember.

It was your
little pet.

and I can't tell you
how much it meant to me
that you found it so
intriguing...

but I can't tell you
how much it hurt when
it stopped being something special
and started being
just another animal

Don't you remember
how much fun you
had with it?
Mm..

But you don't remember
watching it struggle
to breathe in
and out?

Because it seems like
despite that

all I can remember now
is your tightening grip
suffocating it
carelessly
and your acidic lip
spouting seemingly
ceaseless
abuse

Tell me about the time
you played with it
until it was broken
and it bored you

Because I can sure
remember that.
but can you?...

Oh!
Batshit crazy,
Batshit soup.
Am I just lazy,
or caught in a loop?

Batshit crazy,
Owl **** soup.
Razor blades,
Razor blades,
Razor blades,
****!

Love is not a competition,
Love is not a game!
You see me as a player,
and it's a downright shame!

Batshit crazy,
Owl **** soup!
I am totally lazy,
and caught in a loop-die-loop?!

Glass houses
Baseball games
Angels wings and tar
SEPTA lines and pine trees
Can take you pretty far

Love is not a competition,
Love is not a war!
and acting like a soldier
is really quite a chore!

Silly souls
Wacky words
Dragonflies and tar
I want to make some art with you
but I don't know how you are!

and
it's
Just another slide
down the razor blade
of life! into a bowl
of sour owl ****...

Batshit crazy,
Owl **** soup!

Am I crazy,
or am I caught
in a loop?

Razor blades
Razor blades
Razor blades
****!

and you are
ribbed, but uncaged, and
you read like a book broken,
with a cracked spine, snapped,
always opening to
the same page

the wrinkles stacked
dendritically, along the
ragged column, show
where you were split,
down the seam,
in a fervent attempt
to be figured out

your leaves are worn,
dog eared, and torn,
with words used, and
defiled

unadorned,
sickly souls

forlorn figures,
sitting silently

wishing and waiting,
no kissing or playing

it seems that you've left me,
and you're all I want to read...

blistering sunsets
burn my skin

I watch the ball of love
get further from me,
falling a w a y

It was always out of reach,
but I could feel it's warmth!
as long as it was in sight,
but, no longer

It forms rivers from dry wells.

In it's absence
it has them brimming,
now overflowing, down
channels of skinclay
wrinkles

they run deeper,
than the roots of
the tallest trees,
falling slower, than
the softest cries,
unheard

rocky river ways
froth from the mouth,
splashing and bubbling
in maniacal sadness —

silent white water rapids...

Tussled and unkempt,
shriveled livers beg for mercy!
hidden behind layers of rotting drywall

a rusty sledgehammer.

—unused

You may want to take me inside
but your mind is a million dripping daggers
perpendicular to the infinite edges
of my circular paradigms.

your cold soul wraps around me
like a chainmail suit.

I want to love it, as
it's supposed to love me, but
it's heavy and pinches every fiber
of my existence

and why should I wear it
when I want to run into love
completely naked?

My name is derived from Tyrant
I would say you should have expected it
but I am not one to take someone's heart
that is the ultimate crime.

Can't you see that you've stolen your own?
Look in the mirror! Unfurl your ****** fists.

Now my fingers are ablaze with hellfire!

and
My unseen tears
condense onto windowpanes
as they're smashed open by codependent assumptions.

Blinding
blunt force flashlights
shatter sharp shards of light
across the darkest crevices
of my soul.

Impatience
and uncertainty
leads to reactionary behavior.

Do not plant flowers
in the gardens of someone
who cannot take care of their
own plants.

Their soil is unsaturated
with nutrients.

How can you expect to enjoy the fruit of their love?

I am a withered plot.
I am the dead of winter.

No one is interested in how it has died.
They are only upset that they can no longer feed themselves.

What you see is what you get.

2/12/15
1:49am
little words
inside your face
make up quite
a lovely lace

find the one
that makes it true
for you for you
for you for you

plant it in the soil soil

2/12/15
1:50am
find the time
to do an intricate dance
learn to sing and learn to prance
I know it's quite an interesting stance
but give it a chance give it a chance

2/12/15
1:51am
there's motion in the wordkin
like the birds they fly together
they look to eachother to see
which way they want to be want to be

2/12/15
1:52am
new page new page
wrinkling like the old age
find the witch find the king
find the queen find the mage

be them all be them all

2/12/15
1:57am
Absent-minded
Bread
Crumbs
Don't
Ever
Fight
Going
Hither
Infinitely
Jingling, the
Kangaroo
Lagoon,
Monsoon #
Nineteen,
Ochre
Pinelands, a
Quiet
Respite
Starting
To
Understnd
Virtue
While
Xe
Yearns
Zealously

2/12/15
2:04am
blue ink deep blue sky
moonshine moondrops
floating dock moonshimmer
moonshimmer glass ripple
water lap cloud breath
sing sway sailboat
billow flag billow
wind kissed sails
easy cool breeze

forevereverland

Oh, love!
Love, fly
fly FLY with me!
FLY with me to and from the
bright glow moonie moon!

Let's laugh, shine and play! amongst the
luminous spheres of plasma holding
themselves together with their own gravity!

That's love, love, that's us, love!
Let's do a celestial swing!

Let's see what we can bring!
Let's see what love can bring
to our galactic orbital ion ring and
we don't need a diamond ring, we' got
suspended particulates flying around us
at a million lightyears per second and
we're just photons photons!
We're light dancing!

Let's see the cool breeze chancing
Let's taste the sunshine prancing on
planets we've never been to before!

Glowing dots
connect the dots and it's an
intricate lace let's interlace our fingers
let's brush our fingers fingertips paintbrush
paintbrush painting tactile tickle brushstrokes
brushstrokes oh, heart, love, kiss me! kiss me!

My heart is filled
with melodic lines dancing in counterpoint and
each tone is a universe coming to fruition
and returning to the soil for nutrition and
it nurtures and it nurtures and it's new,
it's always new! it's always now! and
I wanna sing!

I wanna sing forever!
I wanna sing forever evermore
and I wanna sing forever everNow!

always all ways
all ways always
I Love You!

Good morning,
great morning,
glorious day,
what can I say
that could possibly convey the true infinitely marvelous potential of this playful day! Let's get up, let's move, and dance! After all what better chance do we have then to bring love to fruition and spring thought to action than right now? Right now! Let's not get bogged down in distraction, let's not wallow in inaction, be a gift, be present! The longer you stay the more you'll gain traction! Mindfulness is an ever present kiss, a constant flow of energy that cradles and balances me. What better time then now? After all, it's all we got!

Raindrops fell sideways! like
The way you ****** me that night.
The way you enlightened me and
stole my slumber and
ripped off my rumpled rib prisons and
swallowed a fair portion of my innocence.

You damped a fire I had burning for years but
you set my body aflameflame with
Buddhist monk kerosine kisses
to die in silence for peace for peace but
oh, oh, oh! teacherteacher teach me
a thing or two in the bush blister
blister tick tock callous and, well,
I learned well with stomach well
churning and bile brimming
flowing flooding river sliding
off my tied tongue confused.

The sad part is that I liked you.
You were almost too short to reach
the lowest string on the harp but
you played mine just fine.
It was just out of tune.
Sorry.
I know I'm supposed to
take care of it every day.
Warped wood.
Crack!
Wire pop whip recoil.
Bad ******* bleed black blood, widow.
Lovedeath and reborn twicethrice and
I single-handedly nurtured neurosis and
conquered psychosis like a queen.

He likes to keep his fire engine clean.
It's a clean machine. Very clean!

You've got snakesnakesnakeskins
dripping from your sickeyessickeyes, guy,
and you've got blackblackblacktar ******
caked on your chuckle chuckle grinnygrin.
Your words are a dragon I can chase over foil
for fickle sizzle pop forever.

It's a rusty hammer death sickle
sweet smoke smile shiver and
I'm nodding out to your sentences.

Sicklesaysigh
I'm sentenced to silenceness and
you're a scalped and skinned pegasus.
You've ripped out your own spine and
your promises are gold dust greenbacks
flowing through my fingertips and
melting into **** that useless ****.

I'm a damselfly ready to cry.
Please, please just roll those dreaded die
See me sigh down down coo cooo lullaby.
Fly, fly my up up me up up and
I'm gonna transcend this mess.
I'm gonna transcend this madness.
Think nine moves ahead
this is chess and you're
a linguistic hurricane.
You're a tornado of
uncontrolled desire.

You walk through walls of fire now.
You let your actions burn you
like you did your bridges.
Hell is here on earth,
but don't let it get to you.
Be of water and spirit and
let it flow through you.

From the ashes there is life,
you know you're carbon based.

******' coal trolls.
Be a bridge,
quit hiding.

Sometimes
I'm a passive pastime aggression past life regresser.
Sorry I'm such a sad excuse for a screwdriver,
you silly suffering succatash!
But really, I'm only sorry
because apparently
I'm the one who turned you into ****** tunes.
Maybe I'll come into your television with
new waveforms and let society tear me apart
steakchewsteakchew American diet and
then you can be a little less frayed.
And was I afraid? Hell the **** yes I was!
What are you some kind of beekeeper?
I've got half a mind to herd the hive and
two to love it for it's honey.
I haven't dove into a swarm of stingers
without a welt or two lately lemme tell ya.
Lemme show ya a lil somethin' somethin' cold
somethin' simmerin' somethin' like that
old house of cards filled with sickening soulsins.
Flutter flutter fly and the kingdom falls, god-****!
That was all that time?
Remember the last one of those I never finished and
there was no excuse for letting the time tick?
Bomb and tock when I had the right shoe.
Even if I've got two left feet
I've gotta make it werk!
I'm lip synching for my life
annd whattt!