I once read somewhere something I relate to very much:

Us depressed children don’t think we csn make it till 18. Some of us do and some of us don’t.

And for us who do, it’s a bit weird because we haven’t planned for what’s to come after that.

And do you have any idea how scary that is?

It’s terribly terrifying.

I recently turned 21 and it is still as terrifying as ever.
Every day we get is another chance, another accomplishment for us.
Every time we get out of bed a rush of pride goes through our veins.

It’s hard to go on, but I promised to hold on
and I am
I hold on because that’s the strength
Giving up is not an option

But my god is it hard!
To feel nothing at all and pretend to taste the tenderness and biterness of life
To eat because you have to
To go out trying to snap out of it
To try and find passion in what you do and what you love
And mostly try to fall in love
Because you don’t really know how anymore

But some of us meet someone who will hold them in the middle of the night
and ignite something that was no longer there
As if in the fraction of a second
Someone found an on switch to your feelings
and everything started to rush in again

and it feels weird, because you don’t really know how feelings work anymore
but you try
and that’s the most important part

Nobody has the right to put their hands on you unless you give them the right to

Your body, your property
It’s that easy actually

However you define yourself to be, man or woman
anyone
I repeat,
Nobody has the right to put their hands on you unless you give them the right to

Nobody has the right to feel entitled to to your body, but you
Nobody has the right to define you
whoever you may be

Here’s to you

I know, there are so many of you, like you

Who felt violated in their own body
Who felt the sting of words
The sharp double edged sword of them

You, who didn’t let the thiefs in but that’s why we call them that
the criminals who leave you traumatized

They might not have killed but they wounded to the core

A reminder:
It is not your fault.
It‘s not your fault whatever you wear
It’s not your fault however you walk
It’s not your fault

It’s theirs.

Don’t stay silent. Fight.

I want you to see me in a pretty dress
something that’ll please you
or a high bun that I put down
I think that’ll tease you

hey baby
i want you on your worst behavior

i don't mind a little smoke in my eyes baby
bright lights and sharing drinks
whiskey and beer
flirtatious looks from across the room
hands on my hips take me wherever you go

hands in each other's hair and so much laughter
lip bite
ear whisper
neck brush
ice back
take me wherever you go

4, 3, 2, 1
stairs run
catching up with friends
and stopping along the way
hearing whistles
and sleepy grumpy friends
up against a wall
not caring too much

take me wherever you will go

Maybe it is my fault,
Maybe I started a fight
Maybe I did
But you know, I've had enough
I'm bad at all sorts of things
Friendship is one of them
But caring isn't
I care too much
Too deeply
Sometimes too much for my own good
Listen,
I'm glad I was there, not anymore
I tried to stand for you
But how can you stand for someone when you can't stand for yourself?
And how can you stand for someone when they don't want you to?
Maybe I had an eye opener.
So long but never goodbye
I am always here for you

I've made a decision, a decision I am very proud of;

because all of my life I've been betrayed by everyone I've ever loved
and everyone that was given the keys to my home

my body is my home, and boys oh so foolish
want a hotel stay for one night
but I won't let them

my heart is my home, and people
want to find refuge, calling themselves lovers, friends...
knowing it is a safe place with walls built up very high
walls they brought down
and walls that I can't build back up

my shoulders are a home, holding my head steady
and people want to land on my shoulders
making it heavier for me to breathe
They know it's a safe place to land and cry on

But you know something?
I'm nobody's territory, nobody's home
nobody's home but myself
and nobody will take care of me like I do them
Nobody will build back my walls
and nobody will let the roses grow back
after they've stepped on them.

So I've decided to kick my residents out,
for renovation
to clean my windows, and change my locks
build my walls back up, minute by minute
and vein by vein grow my garden
and to close the gates now and forever
for I'm the only one allowed to reside here