Today is one of the days
when the night early, gets heavy on me.
And Today is one of those days when I just want to give up on everything
It was hard to get out of bed today, it was hard.
It was hard to work and work well
It was hard to smile to taxi drivers and keep conversations going
Because today I was stuck in my own brain
stuck in an endless conversation with myself.
And you know today is not the day to mess with me
Today is not the day to challenge me or encourage me
or mess with my emotions
I will be wreck, and I will cry, and I will scream and break glass

So please just don't make me feel worse than I already do.

i'm the worst kind of poet
the one who doesn't care much for rhymes or anything else
traditon is not something i'd conform to
but i do appreciate it

here's the thing
i am the worst kind of poet
because in my words
it doesn't have to rhyme
but it has to make you feel something

it doesn't have to be the most intricate of language
but it has to tell you a story

a story that is most probably mine

here's also why i'm a bad poet
i feel too much and am too much
or simply not enough
i'm either too interested or not
too in love or without a feeling

here's more
i'll tell you thr truth
but romanticize the pain
say something,
and its complete opposite
i'm a living paradox
the worst kind

i'm the worst because i'll simply say
that

i miss you


i love you


i hate you


are poetry
and i sure as heck am not

I've dreaded that day for quite some time
The flowers aren't mine, they're hers
The smiles aren't mine, they're hers
The love isn't yours it's hers
and not only hers
but mine

Love,
Love that is real makes you forget
makes you depend
makes you forget
all of the lovers that have gone
makes you depend
when your heart beats louder than you hear
and when kisses are an escape
or a taste of chaos in your brain

love is the simple act
a simple act of feeling
feeling you
feeling through you

love is not the red red roses
but the long night talks to a silent television screen
love is the simple closeness and intimacy

a word you know nothing about
a word you judge you know
but intimacy is not only physical
but the way that I knew what you were going to say before you would
and catching the lie beforw it came out
and understanding your eyes don't lie

I hope you fall in love as many times as you please
but for what it's worth I'll never fall for anyone else
not for you
but for the thought of you and what it gives me

I've written this a thousand times
And I'd tell you more about it
There's a kind of serenity here
When the day ends
And darkness starts to set over the coloured sky
There's a kind of peace in darkness
And knowing that in the dark
We all look the same
But we don't feel the same

There are some long night and talks
On rooftops with wine and cold breeze
There are salty neck kisses and beer
Laughter and sand filled shoes
Stargazing in the trunk of your car, on a mountain top blankets and tears filling my eyes
When my heart was just not enough

There's a whole new world for me and you
When the world we know in daylight gets silent


Coffee at midnight and cigarettes
I say I've stopped a hundred times
But death is a reality, closer to me thank you think
My love

Red red wine
for attraction
And whiskey
for lonely tears

And there are sunrises;
Beautiful colors and the cold breath of the wind
Sending shivers through my bones
And let me tell you
Sunrises are beautiful
Because very few get to enjoy them
And when it's over
That's when my body asks me
To silently drift away
To make way for the better and stronger

What do you do, when you find out
That all your anxiety,
Is reality?
That all of your friends laugh behind your back,
That everyone you care for is telling the joke
Telling the story
Of how you were strong and brave,
Except they left out being strong and brave
And replaced them with foolish and naive
because that's what you get for letting your walls down.

When you meet me; here's what you meet
A blank page with walls built high up
If you're lucky, I'll craft you a window
Maybe a door.

If you've shown your true colours;
I'l maybe, just maybe
Let the walls down.

It's very hard for me to connect with people
My trust issues are often mistaken with my anxiety
But know that I did let you in
A mistake I shouldn't have made

Now as I rebuild my walls up with time and care
I hope you don't feel offended as your true colours
Were nothing but painted over;
An impression you give to others,
A little bit like me
Except I leave no harm on my way
I leave a little bit like the breeze
You feel it, but not too much.

And now, I give you freedom
To tell the story,
If you'll ever remember me
As more than just a passenger in your life
As more than just the one that got away.

I've felt the words, pierce through my veins
From I love yous to goodbyes
You are the reason there is art in me
The kisses you lay on my skin
And the way you paint me with your hands in the dark
Navigating from my eyes to my cheeks
And tracing my lips with your fingers
And you stop at my neck,
To feel my pulse and maybe if I'm still breathing right
Because by now I'm not
And you kiss my cheek to say something funny in my ear
To make me smile

I've felt the sting of words when you said I'm good enough
But left me for her

But you know and I know, she's much better

I've felt the sting of words and I love you,I love you, I love you
From the way you looked the other way around when i said it

And I've felt the sting of goodbyes
When you didn't look back

And I feel the sting in every unexpected hello
When we meet in a coffee shop
And i dread to look at the person behind me
every text, once in a while
When I fear to fall back in you arms
You're the vicious cycle I can't escape
My sleepless nights and shaky hands
Tearful eyes and mascara cheeks
I'll say that once again and for the last time
I love you
I miss you
But you're no good for me

Forgive my sins
I didn't realize loving him
Went against everything I believed in