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 Oct 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
morning
 Oct 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
i remember this so well
i remember this feeling
i remember this place so well
feel my heart giving up on me
im worried about more than today or tomorrow
im worried this might be forever
i still worry more about you
and i am here in pieces
i'm sorry again
i told you i would love you
i did then and now
i'm sorry i can't anymore
2.7.14
 Mar 2015 Geoff Webb
Ocean Blue
I survived:
My father's death, who left too early,
My mother's trip to the land of forever fog,
The loss of a child,
A few years in the Pool,
Swimming with gentle crocodiles,
The mountain trail somewhere East,
An angry crowd in Musutiste,
On the same day, the shelling in Studencane,
A few disappointments,
One recent betrayal,
And the black cloud nightmares.

I will survive:
The daily headache,
The selection at the Academy
The fading love,
The obsessive longing for Someone,
Yes, I will survive
It all.

So help me God.
Musutiste and Studencane on February 20th, 1999:
twice on that day, God decided it was not due time for me.
 Jan 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
IV.
 Jan 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
IV.
darlin do you ever think of the day we both have to move away
darlin do you ever think of the day you'll stop lovin my ways
 Jan 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
III.
 Jan 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
i've only written about you and i for awhile
since i started to allow myself to love you.

i've only thought about you and i for awhile.
you are every good part of my days
every smudged line of my ways

please don't promise me anything
like that you'll stick around
 Jan 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
II.
 Jan 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
II.
the first to hold my hand
the first to kiss my lips
to brush away my hair
and look into my eyes

the first to love me deeply
truly, to love me without commas

to map out and memorize the freckles and lines of my face
to look at me with gentle and soft eyes

the first that i loved so deeply
with an aching in my heart.
 Jan 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
I.
 Jan 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
I.
i loved you quietly for years.
i didn't know i loved you or how much in fact that i was in love with you.
i should have guessed
when i started feeling dizzy when you would walk in a room.
or when my heart would skip a beat or two when you looked my way.
i should have guessed when i thought so hard for so long
about the moments our paths would cross.
and no matter how many times i told myself to look at you, to face you
my head bowed down at the second we would brush by each other
a habitual action of fear
of missing you and refusing to look at the face of lost love

now i see how much energy was put into holding myself back from loving you
and it makes sense as to why it was so difficult
i forced myself to look away from your speckled green eyes
i told myself not to love you, never to allow myself to love you.
 Jan 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
i am worth more
than the coffee stained creativity
written in battered notebooks and used napkins
over looked by eyes filled with the haze of
today's worries and yesterday's regrets
all machines of a self involved world
combining the definitions of equality with conformity
i am worth more
than dreams laced with convincingly false futures
and exaggerated pasts  
plagued from the bottled
no,
judged affection that's stored in my soul like
a prized illusion
i will hold on until my heart is black and blue from the trembling
of the unsteady ground
hold on until the gold veil falls to reveal the blackened soil
hold on
to no avail
i am worth more,
more than the billboards of perfection that line the inside of my skull
stacked thoughts that run to me in the most innocent of mornings
the most blinding of nights
repeated rhythms of mocking truth
i am worth
more than the daily doubts of filtered words
more than formed plastic hearts, black & white minds, and mouths of handlebars labeled: pull or push
more than a mind that shuts down
chooses numbness,
like the constant murmur on a heart monitor after a patient has been announced dead
silence.
time of death 16:29
i am telling you.
i am worth more than the far- sighted wonder of perfect days somewhere,
not here.
the “one day I’ll get there” excuse of not being able to erase this image from my mind,
not this.
as my fingers entwine and fiddle and circle
like a ferris wheel stuck moving in one direction
i do this a lot to distract my mind.
i do this to try and slow it down from running 80mph
to a speed where i can see the lights ahead
without blurs or running colors.
i am worth more than dripping images of a life that is not mine.
*-- e.m. & c.m.
 Jan 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
cushion
 Jan 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
my eyes scatter and cannot focus
i had the thought of seeing you tonight
i have an excited spirit
ready
waiting for me to set it free
i am waiting to remove this cushion off my heart
content runs to me
to remind me the reasons, why i will not see you tonight

*e.m.
 Jan 2015 Geoff Webb
elena
you wouldn’t have noticed but

our love still lingers like the snow

long overdue

sparsely with breaks in between

and a harsh morning fall

followed by evening rain to blur away

details of who and where and when

my love still lingered like the snow

you decided it would be best for you

to blur away the details of you and i

*e.m.
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