Is there tear gas in this room?
Because I can't stop crying
The gas crawls down my esophagus
And crushes my wounded heart.

“God this hurts”

I keep typing,
Praying to computer screen
That I'll forget the smell of your hair
I type till my fingers bleed
So I can forget what your touch feels like
How our lips fit perfectly together.

“God I hate myself”

The only phrase I think of
When I'm pleading for things to back to normal
Back to the days
Where you didn't want to to crack open my skull
And see all of the ugly things
That drift around my cranium

“Baby please I'm sorry. I’m a mess,
A klutz, who waltzes around with stupidity
Baby I get this feeling in my head
When you are not around
I want to keep writing you these love letters
By sliding them under your doors called your eyelids”
But I can’t

I sit alone in the bus called life
Looking across my seat
I see you, my love
Holding onto the bar
Your pretty Blue headlights
That make me drawn to you
Your pretty Blue headlights
Covered with the rain I caused
I'm a rain man,
you see, when people get close to me
I get scared
And force the skies rain to tears with pain.


The only thing that floats in my mind
Is that I hope the man of you life
Buys you flowers
Sunflowers especially
And shows up to your work unexpectedly.
I hope you can travel to Paris
and keep a long list of all of the countries
you've cuddled in.
With him.
I hope you he can handle seeing the stars
From your eyes every time you guys cuddle
Under the moon light.
I hope he can teach you how to slow dance
And I hope that he can teach me
On how to be a better man.

Once amidst the normal madness
Came an overwhelming sadness
Cloaked in everlasting grief
Hiding darkness from beneath
Didn't make a single sound
Gagged and choked his hands were bound
As he wallowed in unbearable pain
The life within his soul was slain
And he now wanders through the night
Eternal darkness; lost from light.

Those nights when your body is the warmth next to mine
And our bodies, so bare, are what intertwine
I can't help but to believe in us
How much we love and how much we trust

could I be the light I used to be?
I could, I'm sure I could
but I think the candle is being blown out
please, please, please just spark it, ignite it for me
and I can be the light of your life,
we can set each other free.

A mere few days without you,
and a strong itching manifests inside.
My thoughts feel dry - lack of oxygen.
My mind feels sore from resistance.
My soul, far from content.
My heart, like a lactating mother
with no infant to feed.
Like milk-filled *******
it feels heavy,
with only wet cheeks for company.

I need my fix, it tells me.
A spoonful of you will do.
It revels in denial but
it knows this love is true.

The first step to de-addiction
is acceptance, as they say.
Well, acceptance be ******!
I’ll embrace it.
Celebrate it.
Host a party and cut a cake for it.
I will squeal with ******, saying
Yes! Yes! Oh yes!
I’m addicted to you.

They were right, I guess.
Love is a drug.
It messes with my head to no end.

So empty that it's too hard to get out of this bed.. So hurt that it feels like I've been beat.. I can only fake this smile to a point. Sometimes it's just a bad day, but lately it's been a bad life.. I'm surrounded by people who don't understand me enough. I feel the need to sink into the earth.. Without a care everyone will go about their lives.. I've lost everyone around me.. Life's been more of a question.. Because I don't know where I stand, I go day by day wondering why I'm still alive .. My eyes not filled with tears but dry from the ride.. Life throwing knifes at me..but I've become to enjoy the pain... My only friend seems to be pain.. One reason.. It's always there.. I can't say I sit here anymore and cry. For nobody can bring my to shed a tear at this point in time.. I'm hurt but in an angry way.. I feel like I might not know myself anymore.. My minds a blur but I've always wondered..... Where's my cure...

I, a dusty piece of gold
standing on the lattice, peering
searching for a token of life
when suddenly the rustling steps
recklessly electrifying the outgrown grass on my doorstep
and I,
half-existent
half-hope
imprisoned in a cage of oblivion
but listen, thief
as you despise the dust on my skeleton
I'll hang your laughs on the walls
where lilies will grow from the echoes of your fingers
catch the breeze that tickled your cheek
and throw it in a jar to color the void
I'll knit a ghost out of your grimaces
that will keep me company when the space thrives
and your odor that's time-challenging
It belongs to the days of yore
The days where poets were to rule the world
and a blow in the dust brought life back to life

*Parting from the strings of liberty;
the gold misses its thief.