I came of age
as one of the
many young
knights who would
mature and become
Pirates.
Our kingdom
stretched from
the end of
the world along
the cliff
lined Pacific.
To the
low side of
Alma.
The sprawling
wild canyons
of 6th street,
to the railroad
tracks along
the waterfront.

Daring as we were
we drank straight
from the
bottle while
constantly
losing ourselves
beneath the
shadow of the
Owl.

Our friendship
was a brotherhood
and a hand shake
meant a hell
of alot more
than a greeting.

Black eyes and
stab wounds
worn like
medals earned
in battle.
The ******* was
white as bone
and the girls
were still as
fresh as the
Tangerines we
picked from
our neighbors
yards
in the summer.

The young Pirates
of those days took
all this Town
had to
give.
And even when
beaten down and
hungover.
The need to
experience still
fought on for
more.

The Armor
I wore in
those early
days was
youth.
And that armor
with stood
it all.

Youth can and will
endure many
things.
Almost all things.
All things
that
is but
time.

Your beauty is to me,
nothing but an old, golden coffin,
Buried in the sea.
Your mind is to me,
A phoenix that had been imprisoned by fire,
and it can never gain liberty.
You are to me,
Nothing but an old memory,
That I threw away.
In the darkest corner of my mind, to the right, there's a small locked box.
You belong there
A memory that never tried,
To reach my tongue.
And in the dreamless night,
A whisper broke through my innocent mind,
Killing the memory
And by its death, I remembered
What I shall never forget

I'm so alone now in this shelter as a cocoon
Empty and unholy
Insecure and maybe moody
I'm so unafraid now I've turned my guilt into a blaze
As I rage against the enemies I create
Its the path of freedom in this miserable escape towards happiness

I wasn't particular about the things that I expected from you
Just obvious with the what and when and where and how but never with the why
I knew the secret rules of boundaries and respect
Silence is a way to watch it all or twist it all, or hide it all
Silence was the one time you fell apart when all the other times you weren't too far from Hercules
I am angry with you, patient with you
I can't lose sleep over it
I'll just cry in terror
You can just sit there careless
I guess its times like these when you realize the things you want
And the things you don't

I'm unhappy
At this  very instant
But even most days I can muscle up the energy
I can focus on whats right and whats now and what can be
You can sit there drown in your solitude
because if you can't let it out and you won't let me in
Eventually the guilt from your kisses will be swallowed in acid
And the reaction of which will eat you alive

My body is here, my heart has gone
My mind is stable, but can't move on.
The wrong emotion arrives late,
A smile hides a painful hate.
So high up, yet so far under
When it rains it pours; my soundtrack is thunder.

A memory is lost much too quickly,
But a lie takes its place just as swiftly.
Attempting to gain love through false affection,
I leave in a state of empty disconnection.
Guilt buried inside waits for my vulnerability
To crack my broken soul and devour it wickedly.

Lost in the translation of your actions
That show the feelings you hide
But hide their flawless perfection
Cause you were so admired by them all
The king of the game, the one that never falls
Despite your strength, your power to never flop
One look at her and your legs went numb
Your heart raced for her more than it ever did before
More than the time you ran till your legs went sore
Your goal was to win her, make her yours
It's not about winning the game anymore
Cause it's in her love that you were meant to fall.
Every time you hear her voice, it's your name she calls
Suddenly, shouts of a cheering crowd  mean nothing at all
You try to be strong but it's your heart she stole
You let her get away
Take your ardor and fly away
"She's the blessing i'm lucky to behold"
You say
"Whenever she's in sight, my eyes they turn gold"
You praise
She's the treasure that made me explore
The beauty of her world, making her so innocent and pure,
The kind of perfection that makes her to-die-for
While she grants you the pleasure of being the one she adores
Her grace makes you forget all
When its your aching soul that she enfolds

They say that love is one of the best things that could possibly happen to you. I on the other hand disagree. I think it may possibly be the worst thing alive. It ruins us. It makes us crave something we can't have. It tears us apart. It breaks our hearts.

All I know is that I once loved.
All I know is that I still love...still love the same person.
The person I hurt the most, and crave back so much. My other half.
I miss the way he held me, the way he made me feel special.
I miss the good and bad moments.
And yet..I know that he is not mine.
That..that is what hurts the most. That he is someone else's now and no longer mine.
I always wonder "what if..". But then I remember all the little things and the big things that ruined it all.
Regrets...so many regrets.

And now..all I'm left with is the memory of him and the hope that maybe, one day I'll get a second chance from him..
Because I swear to god I won't **** up again. Not if my life depends on it.